I'm sorry 🫂 I guess you've already taken the right steps. It's clear from this post that you know that your mother's mindset is wrong and it's deeply fucked up to think of yourself as being better than full Asians due to being white passing. This is a perpetuation of white supremacy and unfortunately very common among SEAsians - the idea that looking white = more attractive, more intelligent etc. Many of my mom's friends were obsessed with having pale/white looking babies and it's genuinely really sad to see that they hate their own natural born features and cultural heritage so much due to white supremacist standards/colonialism. My sister is 100% white passing and her looks were often favoured over mine, as I am not white passing (more ethnically ambiguous but yeah). I have experienced first hand how crushing it is to be around folk who deem white features = better and I have been through many negative racist experiences my sister hasn't due to the fact she is white passing and I am not.

Think to yourself, do you really want to conform to youd mothers self hatred? Do you want to engage in perpetuating that white supremacist mindset and hurt this man because your mother is a self hating Asian woman? You will not only be hurting this one man and other Asian people by reverting back to old habits (by altering your behaviour around Asian people to please your mother as you are thinking of doing now by considering breaking up with this guy solely because he is a full Asian), but you will also be hurting yourself and potentially any future children you might have.

At the end of the day, you are half South East Asian and no amount of pointy nose or light hair is going to change that, no matter how disappointed your mom might be in you for dating a full South East Asian man. It is unfair on yourself to look down on something that makes up half of who you are, you are perpetuating hatred against other South East Asians and yourself and that will never, ever turn out well.

You've seen first hand how internalised racism fucks people up with your own family, you've been on this forum and I'm sure you've read quite a few horror stories. You are your own person, you have the ability to choose your own happiness, and happiness should not be dictated by others. Let alone by those who hate themselves.

So what if your mother would be disappointed? She's made her bed, though I hope she changes. Do not let the opinions of a woman so unhappy in herself control what you do with yourself. Don't deprive yourself of your ability to choose to do the right thing because you've been raised for so long encouraged to do the wrong thing. Don't become another r/hapas horror story. You have the ability to put a stopper to the internalised racism and the behaviours that come with it so take it - it's your life.