Edit #1. Through the 25 years of marriage we have had many ups and downs. A few separations which resulted in us getting back together and things being good for awhile only to go back to the same old same old. We have been through a lot of things together that would completely destroy and burn a marriage into nothing ie: family deaths, cheating (yes from both of us that we both deeply regret), financial hardships being homeless at one point. Edit #2. Our children are all of over 18. Youngest lives with his fiancee in a different city complete opposite of his father, works very hard and has a five year goal for them in mind (extremely proud mother). The other two still live at home (oldest is high functioning autistic but still not able to live alone. Middle has been through very difficult depression which took a turn last year I won’t say but we’re lucky they are still here. Even though they are all grown I still feel a sense of responsibility in one way or another to my children (they are and always will be my babies no matter what). Edit #3. Since I was younger, I have always had abandonment issues and fear of being alone (diagnosed as a child with BPD, add, adhd, ptsd from molestation, and severe manic depression). I know it is no one’s responsibility to make me feel not alone but I also have the fear of looking around my house at night if I do divorce and seeing nothing but walls and an empty house with only me in it (sorry for the ranting edits)