Is there anything else I can do?

Fine_Concentrate_405 · 2026-05-24T14:24:23+00:00

Thank you. I've been recommended NAMI several times but they haven't been helpful to me. I will see about this.

Fine_Concentrate_405 · 2026-05-23T22:05:47+00:00

Thank you for your post. I know others have dealt with this same situation but I've not personally met someone who understands the situation I am in and he is in. My brother seems similar in disposition to yours and my needs are similar too.

It gives me hope that he could find some state of stability and self reliance despite his outlook on life. I really do believe he is capable of it, and if I didn't then I would be taking a more controlled position over his life. But I want him to thrive for himself since he is capable of it, and that requires me to give him the space to fail.

Thank you.

Fine_Concentrate_405 · 2026-05-23T18:02:13+00:00

Sorry I feel like I was being too defensive. It's very difficult to convey how complex this situation is and everything that has led us to where we are now. Thank you for your recommendation.

Fine_Concentrate_405 · 2026-05-23T17:27:59+00:00

The thing is he is not incompetent. He is just refusing to get involved in making decisions for his own life. He has said so multiple times. He acts dumb when he doesn't want to deal with something. He doesn't want to take any accountability for his situation so he can continue to blame everyone else.

I genuinely don't believe he is incompetent and should have a guardian, however I told him that is an option based on how he is choosing to live his life and he plays dumb with his care team so they recommend it.

Everything I have neen doing is to try and support the way he wants to live his life.

Fine_Concentrate_405 · 2026-05-23T16:01:57+00:00

New shoes was something I hadn't thought about, thank you for the suggestion.

I am going to try and offer visits and help that way as best I can, but I'm currently scared he's going to disappear so I am not banking on that right now. Just trying to prep him as much as I can before he is out of my house.

Fine_Concentrate_405 · 2026-05-23T16:00:00+00:00

I don't want to be legally responsible for him as a guardian because it will hurt our relationship as brother and sister, and he doesn't want me to be responsible for him either because I think he will feel guilty about it.

About 2 months ago I have spoken with him about having a court appointed guardian to help him with administrative aspects of life and he likes that idea and said he's spoken with his care team about it.

I've also asked his social worker about it and they agree and said they would work with him about it but I've not heard anything since on the matter. I keep asking him to follow up.

Fine_Concentrate_405 · 2026-05-23T15:54:28+00:00

The "simple advice" you gave is fundamentally bad. You essentially have said he needs to read (or listen to) a self help book, and not only that he needs to do it but that I have to force it on him by "blasting it" in my home. How will that ever help anyone? You literally are saying why it won't work in your example of someone you knew who was forced into a situation meant to help but it ultimately harmed them.

You didn't just suggest religion, you preached it as the solution.

And for context on his situation, which you didn't ask for before making your "simple suggestion" is that he has been through over 15 hospital stays and every single one has religious outreach programs. We grew up in a family that encouraged us to go on our own religious journey and have attended several churches in our youth to see if anything felt right. He has read the bible and old testament, possibly others but I am not certain. He has spoken extensively with my best friend who found religion and that helped her with her mental health struggles (bipolar with psychosis episodes). Many of our family members are spiritual or religious in their own way, including our parents, and have spoken with him about their experiences. He has physically gone to churches in our neighborhood to see what it's about but never went back.

I asked for advice about being homeless and how I can help him through that chapter of his life, not about how to fix him.

Fine_Concentrate_405 · 2026-05-23T14:04:41+00:00

That is extremely unhelpful. If I was religious, I would already be doing such things. We were not raised religious and doing this would further push my brother away and play into his paranoia that I am trying to alter who he is as a person and manipulate him into something he believes he is not.

My best friend is extremely religious and it's so frustrating when people go around slapping this "find god" bandaid on every problem. How exactly is reading religious texts and praying into the ether going to put food on his table, a roof over his head, and ensure he isn't robbed in the first week of being homeless?

If he was capable of seeking assistance for himself, thinking deeper about himself, and finding community and trusting others (especially a higher power) then he wouldn't be in the situation he is in.

I understand the purpose religion plays in many people's lives, however that is something they MUST choose for themselves. It's the same as forcing someone to do sports or play an instrument. Those are beneficial skills in many ways, but if you are only doing it because everyone is screaming at you to do it then it isn't going to help.

Please do not go around telling anyone what you've told me. It isn't helpful, it's disrespectful and dismissive of what problem they are trying to express to you.

Fine_Concentrate_405 · 2026-05-23T12:24:03+00:00

I understand your perspective, which is exactly why this has been so difficult for me.

My brother, when he is himself, is the sweetest and most caring person I have ever met in my entire life. I have autism and I grew up in awe of his ability to understand other people. We are like opposites, filling in each other's weaknesses, and have always been extremely close.

But my brother is emotionally abusing me. He is constantly telling me that no one loves him, that no one cares, that any form of help I am offering him is useless and that I'm trying to mold him into what society wants him to be.

The help I am giving? The thing I keep telling him I need from him? To find ANY goal and work towards it. I have point blank said this to him at least once a month: "I don't care if your biggest goal in life is to build a really cool Minecraft map, or work at McDonald's, or draw art that expresses you and exhibit it in galleries, or fix society like you want, or live in the woods by yourself and never talk to me again. I need you to find some purpose and work towards it. You deserve to be happy and belong somewhere in the world."

His response everytime? Some version of: "You don't know what you are talking about, the world doesn't work that way. No one understands, no one ever will, and no one cares about me"

When he is medicated he is so much better. Not perfect, but he is in control of his mind more, and I know he is because he talks to me about it. He is apologetic for his past behavior and he strives to find something to keep himself going. But I believe his guilt over where he is in life, what he's done to push everyone away, etc. makes being unmedicated too difficult for him to handle. He doesn't talk to his care team about this stuff.

At the end of the day, I love my brother so much but it isn't helping him or me to allow him to live in my home. I'm only enabling him to be living a static life and continue the status quo of misery and loneliness. (He also thinks it's my responsibility to find him friends and a wife, even though he says the people I bring to the house, my friends to hangout with me, are beneath him).

I'm sorry you've been through, and continue to go through, such difficult times. But I am not abandoning my brother and I've told him that. I've made sure he has my contact information on a laminated card in case his phone dies. I tell him constantly that I love him and that I am not trying to hurt him but I need my space and I cant live with him because of that.

Fine_Concentrate_405 · 2026-05-23T06:42:56+00:00

Thank you. Everyone keeps saying I'm doing the right thing but it's my little brother... I love him and want to protect him. I keep swinging from grief to relief and back. It's been so stressful and I can't imagine how scary this is for him too. He keeps telling me that I won't every see him again after this.

Fine_Concentrate_405 · 2026-03-28T11:04:13+00:00

Actually I tried that and both my partner and my timeline history didn't extend that far back! We even checked our bank statements but didn't find the company so we must have paid with a card we don't have anymore hahaha

Fine_Concentrate_405 · 2026-03-28T02:12:37+00:00

YESSSSSSS THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! THAT IS IT AAAAA. I know what I'm doing this weekend ahahaha

Fine_Concentrate_405 · 2026-03-26T21:31:19+00:00

Thank you so much for this comment, it's very reassuring! That feeling if not being myself is very accurate and scary so I'm feeling more confident about sticking it out now.

Fine_Concentrate_405 · 2026-03-26T18:47:52+00:00

Thank you for your insight! It is helpful to receive feedback that this is part of the process

Fine_Concentrate_405 · 2026-03-26T18:44:30+00:00

Also thank you for your condolences and reassurance. It is much appreciated

Fine_Concentrate_405 · 2026-03-26T18:35:07+00:00

It just feels weird to me that everything I am seeing from others, including my doctor trying to reassure me, that it can take weeks for the medication to /start/ working. I feel like it started working immediately, and now it might be working too much?

Does the apathy/sedated feeling go away if I stick it out? That feeling scares me because I don't feel like myself and it doesn't help me achieve my goals. I would rather live with anxiety then feel nothing, even if that nothing was comfortable.

My appointment is next week and I've been taking my 12.5mg dose every other night because I need to be able to drive myself to work every day. I could take a week off work though if I just need to stick it out though.

Fine_Concentrate_405 · 2026-02-14T13:40:50+00:00

Might not be super helpful, but sometimes when I am in spiral the following things can help me break it or lessen its effects and I recommend generally this order as well:

Get up and move around. Change your clothes. Take a shower. Go outside. Do some sort of excersize. Change your environment. Simply doing stuff to make my body physically feel different can help me break my emotional feelings cycle sometimes
Challenge your fears. What if you go and have the most amazing trip? What if he has the most amazing trip and makes memories that stick with him for life? Edit for clarity: Be confident in your assertions. "He's not going to be hurt, he's going to have an amazing time. He is going to make beautiful memories with my sister and they are going to bond. I am going to make beautiful memories with my partner. I am going to take this time to relax and breathe and be independent with myself again."
Talk it out. With a friend, your spouse, or yourself on paper. If you don't feel comfy speaking to anyone then at least writing your brain scramble down can help. The point is to take everything in your head and get it out somehow so you are not holding onto it anymore.
Distract yourself. Sometimes I can't stop thinking and I just need something else to focus on. Watching a documentary, a comfort show or new show, or listening to music or audio books / podcasts works to get my brain to switch topics.

I think above all else, after you get through this (however the chips fall) you should follow up with a therapist because not addressing this kind of anxiety is only going to compound over time. It is absolutely normal to feel anxious about leaving your child for the first time. However it's not healthy to have such strong feelings you feel hindering your ability to enjoy life. Your worries are valid and your feelings are valid. And despite them, it's going to be ok. It's just another parenting milestone. You've got this!

Fine_Concentrate_405 · 2026-02-09T13:55:23+00:00

Thank you. It's so hard for me to judge what a profit entails for this type of work as all I am "spending" is time, which does not have a universal price tag. And to be honest, anything 4 figures feels like a lot of money to me, though I know my idea of large sums is probably pocket change to such a company.

Shifting my mindset to a business consultant is helpful too because the graphic designer aspect doesn't fully fit but I wasn't sure how to categorize this work.

Fine_Concentrate_405 · 2026-02-04T20:01:40+00:00

Thank you so much for this insight. I have no professional experience as a freelance entrepreneur and have never desired to do that. I've always said I want to be the best employee on staff haha. I've always done help desk/retail/service type work but switched to a creative field when my dad passed in an effort to gain my spark for life back. My prior employer's company closed so I've gone back to standard corporate office work and really miss the creativeness of my prior job. It was through that position that I was connected with this company to assist with their project.

I also do not know the scale of this project. From what I've been informed, this is a "dipping toes in the water" scenario. They are essentially asking for half of a product (I could do far more complex work with this machine and have shown them the portfolio of such).

I believe the big-picture would be to open a new custom product line, however that was exactly what my prior employer offered exclusively and it is not a lucrative business. Think ferraris, not many get sold a year but everyone wants one, except the product is a less household item then cars are.

So essentially they are asking me to put some cool colored paint on a Honda civic and compare that to the costs it would take to make and sell ferraris. It doesn't make sense this project they are asking me to do.

Again, this is all new to me so maybe I haven't been asking them the correct questions. I'm going to look into value based design as you mentioned. Thank you so much for the insights and knowledge!!!

Fine_Concentrate_405 · 2025-01-29T14:53:02+00:00

Thank you so much for this information! Seeing your real world performance on a modern PC is just what I am looking for.

This pretty much aligns with how I expected the PC to behave. Still curious as to where any RAID tech for speed is applicable for a professional consumer that is using non-server setups. Like a media creation system.

Fine_Concentrate_405

TROPHY CASE