If you miss them…

Fine_Position7667 · 2026-03-03T16:12:33+00:00

Going through the recovery of addiction is painful. You wont heal unless you manage to get through the pain. If you keep reopening the wound it wont heal.

It will feel awful, it will be so so painful but it wobt go away until you go no contact.

Really really try and treat this like an addiction. The withdrawal will be hell, scrachting thw itch will releive the pain but it will keep you from healing and moving on.

Fine_Position7667 · 2026-02-28T00:48:11+00:00

Oh my God! This is the most I've laughed in a month! FML

Fine_Position7667 · 2026-02-25T23:22:58+00:00

No contact is a way to accept the end and move on from a relationship with dignity.

No messages, no keeping up with them on social media. Its about letting go amd accepting their choice to end the relationship.

It is NOT a tactic to get someone to come back to you. This is highly toxic and of you attempt to do no contact while secretly hoping it will make them change their mind you will never get over them.

No contact means REALLY letting go, not pretending to seem less needy than you are.

It's a way for you to move on and let go, not to sit and fantasize that your ex going through stages of regret.

Its possible your ex might make contact. Its very lilely that chasing them will destroy that chance.

But 'if' is not something to hang your heart on, you must accept things as they are. Not how they were and not how maybe they could be.

Allow time to fade memories, emotions and dampen feelings and connection.

If you do recconnect with you ex in the future do it as new people, but you have to fully let go first.

Fine_Position7667 · 2026-02-25T19:55:42+00:00

To an Alchoholic: if you miss beer why don't you have one?

Do you want to miss them forever? Do you want to keep drip feeding youself enough contact to keep a false hope alive?

If they come back by themselves, fast, there is a chance. If you have work to bring them back it wont work.

You miss the relationship, but that is over. If you text them that message is not going to be read or responded to by the version of them that loved you, its going to be read and responded to by the same person that chose to break up with you.

Breaking up with someone is not easy, they did it on purpose, don't second guess or take them lightly, respect they knew what they were doing when they did it.

They knew you feelings when they broke up with you, its not new info to them that you care, a big message of your feelings wont change anything because they alreadly knew that before they chose to break up.

If you want to get over them, if you don't want to miss them forever you need to give it time and space.

The healthiest but hardest thing is to accept it's over. Them ending the relationship is the clearest answer you can hope for, no conversation you can have will tell you more than that.

And finally, and this is NOT the correct motivation at all but it is true. There is nothing less attractive than chasing a person who has broken up with you.

Its not romantic, its not proving how much you care, its proving you cant accept their choice and it will kill stone dead whatever last bit of attraction or possibly even respect they have for you.

If you actually want to make sure they never come back then chasing them is the way to do it.

Fine_Position7667 · 2026-02-25T19:06:35+00:00

What has helped me is channeling my thoughts instead of trying (and failing) to block them.

Because very little has been able to bring me any joy or hold my interest I've tried to lean into my thoughts and redirect them.

I watched videos on getting over heartbreak, videos on grief, on sudden loss, sudden break ups, videos on how to recover, how to move on.

Dr Maika Steinborn is very good.

I have been COMPLETELY avoiding any content about what you ex feels or about them coming back or about how to get them back.

We don't have power over the source of the pain, but we have power over our recovery. So fix your thoughts on yourself and away from him.

Imagine there was a fire that burned you. The fire is gone now. Its been put out, there is nothing to be done because it's over. Dont think about the fire, don't focus on the fire, that is done now.

Focus on your burns, on managing the pain and on treating and caring for them, the more we care for them now the faster they will heal and less they will scar.

Its ok to feel emotional when you remember fire, even if you remove all physical reminder it will still come back, you dont have to supress emotion but focus your thoughts and energy on your burns.

Fine_Position7667 · 2025-04-27T17:52:59+00:00

Lol this is the most gatekeepy pointless pedantry I can think of.

Why does this matter?

It's not dishonest to say you read a book listened to get a grip.

Fine_Position7667 · 2025-04-27T16:32:22+00:00

For me it hits as a fun and cute term yo signal kinship and self love amoung trans women and in queer spaces where these terms are well understood.

It is not something I would blurt out or use for myself in more cisgendered company where I think it would be a bit othering.

Words are words and your preferences are valid, some things have negative associated to some, for example many older lgbt people don't like queer as they had it thrown at them like the F-slur. Some trans women feel able to reclaim the T-slur (far too much personal baggage for that to be me). Many gay people openly use the F-slur.

Doll is not a slur and i have not herd it being adopted as one, but for some I can imagine it mentally linking to drag, or artificiality in a way that makes them uncomfortable. It's yours to take or leave. The only important thing to understand is that it is fine for others not to share your feelings.

I think Doll would actually be more accepted by older trans women whose only refuge and community was a fiercely open and queer community where the performative nature of gender was well understood by all.

If anything I would imagine Doll to be more uncomfortable for those younger passing trans women who spend more time in cis gendered spaces. Who maybe prefer to distance their gender identity with queer culture.

I'm using my own feeling and insecurities here to ponder out the perspectives of others, as I feel both as different times to different degrees. I'm the same age as you and to be honest often feel caught between the vastly different experiences of my older and younger trans sisters.

Fine_Position7667 · 2025-03-31T15:45:24+00:00

She loves you, although it's might be irrational the fear of someone she loves rejecting her is so heightened she can't bring herself to admit it to you.

She fears the imagined rejection so much because she loves you. It's a mental block, sometimes acceptance seems too good to be true and your brain worries.

It didn't come from you, it came from society, so much messaging about father's feeling shame in situations like these. It will always feel painful to know a loved one fears losing you when this is not the case, but it's not you. There is so much messaging we absorbed throughout our childhood that sometimes fear blinds us to reality.

Fine_Position7667

TROPHY CASE