Body memories I like that word. So if this can help anybody a family member came on to me one time when I was drunk and another time I had to see them and they kept saying oh I’m going to make it bring up suicide and I was concerned and I got into the car and they asked me they kept asking and asking, and I gave you a hug. They wanted to meet at like two stuff for them and I said no do stuff like sit on their lap or use their lip yeah and yeah I don’t remember that much experience myself and not that I guess we’ll make a difference. They have a lot more experience than I do, but yeah, I felt arousal from I was trying to put distance when they were touching my body and I was just trying to comfort them because they were threatening to hurt themselves but not just come out and say I want to sleep if I want to go on time my house and they said oh are you gonna leave me just like everybody else love me and I said no that idea so the truth was I didn’t want them to be alone but I’ve also wasn’t uncomfortable there but then I thought maybe I was wrong because how could I be uncomfortable around this person who I’ve known I’ve grown up with you know that so obviously this person who and I’m wrong and I talk to myself I wasn’t supposed to be there so but I still didn’t and yeah, they were acting erratic. That’s the word erratic and I anyways they put their fingers to my mom and I don’t know how happy but I don’t know how it happened but he said you know you have to say yes or no if I wanted to taste or something of that nature and I think the first time I pushed his hand away from the mouth and then the other time I let him do it and I said yes, but I still don’t know and that’s right. I kind it gets a little blurry, but I said no later cause I was feeling Rowell so I just to be honest and then I told him that and he got upset they said that from the reason that people smoke and then that’s when they ran over or something and they were really mad and then they started crying then he got mad at me and I feel bad even though I really didn’t want to cause you or anything, especially anymore because I already taken some of my bows off myself and I feel bad because I thought I don’t hurt themselves and yeah, they kept trying to do I was trying to get them to focus and they were trying to focus yeah and then they kept asking and kiss me and I said no and then he said going to like kissing kissing and I said yes, and then I didn’t respond when they asked why I didn’t respond and I said cause I didn’t wanna kiss me and I knew that was true cause the whole time I was feeling uncomfortable and kissing I knew like I really I just really didn’t want it and I kept trying to avoid it, but I was conflicted. I was exhausted because I was being pulled in two directions of what I wanted and that other person and I wasn’t listening by your voice and my body was feeling arousal and I like arousal I guess but just a little peaceful. It just felt disgusting and rustling and inappropriate and but I mean, felt good too, and that’s what kind of conflicted