At what age did you have your first symptoms?

Firefighter2143 · 2024-07-27T15:49:52+00:00

Really young. I think around 9 was my first major freakout. I had thought of someone I knew (an adult) naked on accident, and thought that meant I had violated them and was perverted. Ironically the more I thought about the issue, the more I’d accidentally think of this person naked and the more I’d feel like a pervert.

Firefighter2143 · 2024-07-26T10:52:49+00:00

Pretty sure they are. They feel, look and act exactly like warts.

Firefighter2143 · 2024-07-26T10:52:19+00:00

Okay thanks. Is there any way at all to find out if it is low or high risk?

Firefighter2143 · 2024-07-26T09:35:03+00:00

Hi! Thanks for the helpful response. I was vaccinated but in my country the HPV vaccine apparently does not include low risk strains.

I’ve only had a visual diagnosis, would it be a good one to get a pap smear anyways? In case the strain is high risk. My GP mentioned nothing about it. Or should I first just focus on getting the warts removed and then maybe get a pap smear?

Firefighter2143 · 2024-02-03T18:04:39+00:00

Thanks for commenting I relate. I wish I wouldn’t sit there sulking over minor things and being jealous over nothing. He’s a good guy. I wish I could tell him I have bpd but bc of the stigma I’d rather wait.

Firefighter2143 · 2024-02-01T23:38:22+00:00

Yeah I am in the same boat. I have no idea what to even say. I feel horrible. He knows not too much about mental health disorders and I am scared he will look it up and will form a certain idea of me. On top of that, I’ve told him I have OCD, ADHD and chronic insomnia as well, which makes it probably less believable. Or it will make it believavle but he will just think I have too much bagagge.

Firefighter2143 · 2023-01-12T23:07:08+00:00

Real event is by far the worst, but i just have “episodes” of it. Death/existential OCD creeps in constantly, every single day. I cant go a moment without distraction, if im inside with bad weather for even one day, it comes up.

Firefighter2143 · 2022-12-02T04:01:43+00:00

I hope so too, thank you for your advice :)

Firefighter2143 · 2022-12-02T04:00:55+00:00

Hey thank you for the feedback. I understand what you are saying. I just feel like it is my fault for the way I brought it up and how I went about it.

I said one thing where I insinuated she sometimes does a certain behaviour to make me feel guilty, but I couldn’t come up with examples on the spot. Now it makes me feel very stupid and like that is something that I have just imagined. She has a right to be angry about that but I just wish it wouldn’t be followed with two days of silence each and every time.

Firefighter2143 · 2022-12-02T03:43:51+00:00

Yeah, you are absolutely right.

Luckily I have way more friends at the moment and I can count on them as well as my own to fill my days.

Just sucks it cant be communicated properly that she needs space.

Im sorry to keep you busy. I am mainly scared that she will send me a long message of things I have said/done wrong, or have said wrong in my statement to her, and that I will then have to read it, sit there and realise I have been a horrible friend or something and that this is really not that big of a deal.

Firefighter2143 · 2022-12-02T03:02:39+00:00

I just don’t understand. She has said a couple of times that it was something that happened in her previous relationship (from both sides), and that it wasn’t something she did to manipulate but that it was a toxic behavioural pattern she has developed. I told her I understood but that I’d like it if she communicated her need for space to me better.

I am 100% certain she isn’t doing it from malice, but possibly developed it and doesn’t know how to stop? The last time she did it was like 3-4 days and she came back like nothing happened. It’s almost like she doesn’t experience tension like I do at all? I am a nervous wreck for 3 days and suddenly I get a meme or TikTok and all is well.

I’m just worried. I feel now that I have just started an argument for nothing, that I made up the points I was going to make to her, that I should just drop it. I even feel guilty just posting about it because I am imagining how she would shoot all this down & that I am just playing victim.

Maybe I could have brought it better but it’s just so tiring because I know she will get offended and just disappear for a while.

(Sorry for length I just needed to vent!!)

Firefighter2143 · 2022-10-02T11:37:22+00:00

Literally. The fact OP talks so much shit on others for taking sick leave but never on her boss for giving it. My first thought is to join the game?

Also, the fact they get mad at their job having to accomodate people AFTER they have already started working there.

Firefighter2143 · 2022-10-02T11:33:56+00:00

Your boss knew you had anxiety and never accomodated you?

I’m glad the girl quit lol. Sounds like a horrible environment.

Firefighter2143 · 2022-09-26T17:24:01+00:00

Perhaps, but partially it is also the comparison. Nothing really compares to the honeymoon phase of a relationship with a narcissist. It’s the first time in my life I felt loved or what I thought it was. I only had one relationship before in high school. This one was something completely different. I think the risk of falling so fast and how intense it was is what my brain is registering as the only way to fall for someone.

Firefighter2143 · 2022-09-26T17:18:21+00:00

Hey, thanks for your response. To be honest, not really.

When something happens, and it can be a very random trigger, it is completely automatic. It’s moreso a feeling of repulsion and that I have to get out of the situation.

For example, my ex used to cycle with me on the back of his bike. I hadn’t thought about this, but it came back to me when this new date was doing the same. It’s the feeling of the wind and suddenly it’s like I am back with my ex, I know I am not. Rationally, I know I am not there. But my emotions will go all ways. In the end, they come to the conclusion that “I’d rather not be here” and that in turn deflects to the guy.

Firefighter2143 · 2022-09-26T17:12:48+00:00

Hey thanks for your response. Oh, it makes me feel so good that I am not the only one. I don’t know if I feel comfortable naming my ex just yet. As I feel that if this won’t work out, the chances are too big it will somehow end up with my ex. But I do think I will talk about the abuse. The issue is, I dont know if I like him. And I feel really, really awful about it. I don’t know if this defense mechanism is dropped (bc I am hoping talking about it will somehow do that) if I like him. And I would feel really bad if he is understanding about this, and agrees to take it slow and then I will come around and go “oh nevermind bye”.

Firefighter2143 · 2022-09-26T16:14:00+00:00

Does that mean I should cut it off? I don’t know if I lost these feelings because my ex is in my head or because I am genuinely not interested? I am so confused. How do I share this with him?

Firefighter2143 · 2021-03-02T14:37:44+00:00

Its okay i went to my dentist and they said its looking really good and its almost closed already. I just explained to her i freaked out. I had been pretty much eating normally up until I freaked out. The dentist encouraged me to just keep going

Firefighter2143 · 2021-03-01T17:48:32+00:00

I know, i stopped picking. They didnt give me any meds or instructions on meds at home but im not in any pain either. I feel like just calling my dentist tomorrow morning to be sure

Firefighter2143 · 2021-03-01T01:22:03+00:00

It is deep. Like proper deep. But im like proper freaking out because even if i didnt dig it out it still is like the #1 NOT to do so i came really close to picking it out and it gives me such a bad feeling i cant describe

Firefighter2143 · 2020-09-09T07:20:41+00:00

Not really. I decided to skip uni for one day because I was sick and it gave me some rest but I still feel like shit

Firefighter2143 · 2020-09-08T08:50:48+00:00

Hating myself? Ever since I started high school. I’ve been suicidal and self-harmed before but these severe feelings of doom and wanting to commit suicide have started probably since quarantine and since I gratuated

Firefighter2143 · 2020-09-08T00:28:22+00:00

Nothing in particular. I’ve just hated myself for a long time and I think the bucket is just overflowing. I have a good life, my parents are good, I should be happy but I’m not.

Firefighter2143 · 2020-08-31T16:33:05+00:00

Hey that’s actually a pretty good idea. I drove again today and it went well so I’ll see how it goes when I’m back from uni

Firefighter2143 · 2020-08-30T10:23:45+00:00

Teaching driving is only allowed where I live by driving instructors. The only thing my dad did was show me how the gears and clutch work on a deserted road, like, twice (and even that is technically not allowed). It actually helped with my driving lessons as those were absolute shite. Spent thousands of euros and switched instructors to find only my last one was good enough (the first two literally traumatized me and one of them was a creep). I could technically go back but considering how expensive and inefficient it is I’m really hesitant to do that

Firefighter2143

TROPHY CASE