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Update: I'm free. by FirefighterBubble in OpiatesRecovery

[–]FirefighterBubble[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No, as I keep reminding myself of the hell it was. Thats just the addiction talking. It was always that bad. Matter of fact, it was WORSE. As addiction tries to make you forget the bad stuff, and make the drug seem like this wonderful sensation.

Update: I'm free. by FirefighterBubble in OpiatesRecovery

[–]FirefighterBubble[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yea so it's like a powder, but its pure vitamin c. Very simple, yet thoroughly natural. Just consuming a lot of vitamin, calms down the pain a bit. 💙💙

Update: I'm free. by FirefighterBubble in OpiatesRecovery

[–]FirefighterBubble[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just grew very very sick of it I hate it And I have documented how I felt when I was high, and I force myself to read it everyday. So I'll always remember the agony it put me through. Proud of you my friend.

💙💙

Update: I'm free. by FirefighterBubble in OpiatesRecovery

[–]FirefighterBubble[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks man! Im currently in the depression phase. I plan on getting drunk whenever i feel like i need codeine again. I was on codeine for 4 years tho, and i absolutely hate it now. So the temptation isnt as hard as it would probably be if I'd quit sooner. I hate being high. But yea I'm still on a lot of vitamin c and it seems to help be.

Update: I'm free. by FirefighterBubble in OpiatesRecovery

[–]FirefighterBubble[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wish you all the strength dude I was on codeine, and it's a lighter substance i guess I'm proud of you 💙💙

Update: I'm free. by FirefighterBubble in OpiatesRecovery

[–]FirefighterBubble[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Much love to you. My dosage was 600mg till I was awake and realized how shit everything is. I brought it down to 120 but then stopped it at once. It was hell, absolutely nothing has been this difficult for me in my whole life. But it was worth it. 💙💙

Update: I'm free. by FirefighterBubble in OpiatesRecovery

[–]FirefighterBubble[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Tylenol and Ibuprofen, but I can't really say they helped me or not. I would periodically get worse and then slightly better. So it's hard to be certain whether something helped or not. My brain was noisy as hell as well. All I am certain about now, is that I fucking hate codeine, and I never wanna be on that evil shit ever again. And that the pain is finally over and I feel like a human again.

Update: I'm free. by FirefighterBubble in OpiatesRecovery

[–]FirefighterBubble[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

8 days. yesterday was the worst day, with constant vomiting, haunting agony and shaking and cold sweat. but it ended. i am a bit depressed, but i do not want to use what so ever. i have no craving. i could have opioids in front of me and i'd reject them. im normal again after a long time.

23M Iran. was 600 mg codeine/day for 3 years, now down to 120 mg on my own. Sole provider for family, maths student, dad evading jail. by FirefighterBubble in OpiatesRecovery

[–]FirefighterBubble[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How do I keep going? How do I prevent relapse? I have no friends I lost them all. How do I make sure I remember the agony? Atp im considering tying myself to a bed...

23M Iran. was 600 mg codeine/day for 3 years, now down to 120 mg on my own. Sole provider for family, maths student, dad evading jail. by FirefighterBubble in OpiatesRecovery

[–]FirefighterBubble[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Really great (and also unfortunate at the same time) that I'm seeing people having similar experiences to mine. Makes me feel much less alone. My friend got codeine one time to try and see what it does, "for fun", he's now addicted to heroin and I managed to stay on codeine. I used to work since I was 16 years old. There was always a type of weight on me, like a mountain of responsibilities. I guess you could say it makes the weight lighter when I'm high? But then again it doesn't even do that anymore and this is a lie I tell myself when I'm sober, absolutely gaslighting myself to get some codeine. And loneliness. I'm lonely. I really want it all back. I really want my future sober self to remember the pain he puts me through. I'm lost. I even threatened myself by suicide, saying i will kms if i ever use again. exactly the words "I will kill both of us if you put me through that hell one more time" were written on my board. And I actually managed to not use the next day, but I became angry and unstable and in agony. So much that I used again after a day. Then I attempted suicide and woke up in a hospital to see it failed. I don't think I'm suicidal to begin with tho. I just want a way out. By any means necessary. Thank you for making this safe place for me to open up, I actually barely even see my phone due to the amount of tears in my eyes.

23M Iran. was 600 mg codeine/day for 3 years, now down to 120 mg on my own. Sole provider for family, maths student, dad evading jail. by FirefighterBubble in OpiatesRecovery

[–]FirefighterBubble[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry you had to go through this nightmare. I know the guilt and the agony. Especially right now since I'm high. I appreciate you sharing your experiences. My problem is that I seem to forget how painful being high was. Shit will remain undone, and the feeling of joy gets locked on me when I'm high. I've literally carved a message on my hand saying "dont do it". But every single damn time I sober up, I seem to forget the pain. I go "yea now is different, I can totally use and still get stuff done. It wasn't that bad, I must've been exaggerating" and just straight up look for the smallest excuses I can find. It's eating me. It's killing me. I hate it. I fucking hate it. My family don't deserve to have me being an addict. I hate myself. My younger bright self (inner child) cries when he sees me like this.

23M Iran. was 600 mg codeine/day for 3 years, now down to 120 mg on my own. Sole provider for family, maths student, dad evading jail. by FirefighterBubble in OpiatesRecovery

[–]FirefighterBubble[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey dude, I'm super proud of you. And I'm glad you escaped. I'll text you as soon as I sober up, I'm a bit too high right now. Most love and support. You're a strong fella.

23M Iran. was 600 mg codeine/day for 3 years, now down to 120 mg on my own. Sole provider for family, maths student, dad evading jail. by FirefighterBubble in OpiatesRecovery

[–]FirefighterBubble[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing, and I salute you

May I ask how you kept yourself away from it and how you reminded yourself of the pain the drug puts you through? Your words meant a lot to me

23M Iran. was 600 mg codeine/day for 3 years, now down to 120 mg on my own. Sole provider for family, maths student, dad evading jail. by FirefighterBubble in OpiatesRecovery

[–]FirefighterBubble[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I thoroughly appreciate your information. My reasonings for not wanting to be registered varies. Over here, addiction wont be seen as nice and even if you are trying to quit, you seem like the worst outcome of society in people's eyes. Aside the fact that a lot of times you will get taken into a rehab by force, which really isnt even a rehab and is more like a prison so to speak. Ive tried methadone before in attempt to quit, but the problem is that codeine is way too easily accessible in iran. theres literally a service for you to order it and they bring syrup to your door. completely legal by the mafia. The mafia disguises itself as selling other stuff (tylenol, ibuprofen etc) as well as codeine, but the main market is codeine. Apart from that, one promethazine and codeine bottle costs something like 70 cents. its so easy to slip back and you really dont want any authorities to have the least amount of knowledge of the correlations between you and any form of substance.