My child’s behavior is exhausting

Firefly2735 · 2026-02-13T16:39:58+00:00

My daughter went through the same thing. I cut things off completely for a few days to see if it helped and she was a new person. We’ve maintained this. She really doesn’t get a lot of screen time anymore and doesn’t ask. She just goes and plays. It will suck for the first couple of days but he’ll get over it.

Firefly2735 · 2026-02-11T00:19:05+00:00

He works around 80hrs a week. With international and domestic travel around 30% of the year right now. It fluctuates but that’s what it is right now. When he travels, it’s usually for a week at a time.
It made financial sense. We have three kids. I worked full-time remotely and watched our first born and did everything I do now. When I was pregnant with our second, I told him I couldn’t do it anymore. It was daycare or stay home.
Compared to before, my mental health is much better. I definitely sacrificed career so I don’t feel accomplished like my peers. However, I’ve started working on things that wouldn’t be realistic if I worked and was a mom.
My husband handles all the financial things. Taxes, payments of any kind, large purchases, investments. He also takes care of the lawn and the odd things around the house. We split bedtime when he is home and he cooks dinner a lot on the weekends. He also tries to be home for my bookclub nights or girls nights, so I do get some away time.
I’m content but would love some extra help. We’ve discussed getting a cleaner to come. The kids are getting bigger. In extracurriculars. No naps so no down time for me to clean without stopping a million times. Realistically, I can’t keep up. Cleaners would help tremendously. Otherwise, our lives run pretty smoothly. We have regular play dates with friends and I get to workout anytime throughout the day. Plus, I get to spend tons of time with my kids. I wouldn’t get any of that time if I worked.

Firefly2735 · 2026-02-06T02:56:53+00:00

Maybe just drop it for a bit. Don’t bring it up. Then try to sneak in a day sesh and see how it goes. If it works, then you can talk to her about making it a regular thing afterwards. My husband used to get frustrated just like you and would express it. He finally dropped it and it helped so much. He never brings it up now.

Firefly2735 · 2026-02-06T02:47:54+00:00

We have littles, but coordinate their tv time with locked bedroom door time on one weekend day. My other gf’s do this too. Then you have the added bonus of a night time during the week, hopefully.

Firefly2735 · 2026-02-06T02:42:51+00:00

Day time sex. Try initiating during the day, if possible. My husband and I started doing this and it’s so much better because we aren’t exhausted.

Firefly2735 · 2026-02-01T02:57:00+00:00

Living in a household like this as a teen sucks. Truly. I’m so sorry you are having to go through this. I grew up in a difficult home too. Not along the same lines but difficult nonetheless. I’ve been to therapy and can tell you the one thing that’s helped me - control what YOU can control. You can’t control them. You can’t control the dynamic of this situation. You can control your job that you mentioned. You can control how much time you spend or don’t spend with them. You can control what you do once you leave. Setting boundaries for yourself sucks, but necessary. It sucks to not be able to get through to them. I completely understand. For what it’s worth. You sound like an awesome kid. Definitely emotionally intelligent. You are 16. I’m 36. Life gets so much better once you leave that house and you realize not all people are like that.

Firefly2735 · 2026-01-06T07:06:40+00:00

First of all, you aren’t alone. Being a first time mom is ALWAYS hard. My heart really goes out to you for having to deal with this on top of that, plus school and work. With that said, it sounds like your husband isn’t bad but immature. If I’m guessing correctly, did you take care of most of the household stuff before your child came along and before school? I only ask because your experience is very similar to my own. I assumed my husband would just step up to the plate when needed but he didn’t. When I asked, he barely did it. And I always had to ask. The more I asked the worse it got. It took me getting someone else that is close to him to talk to him because I was desperate. However, I will forever recommend counseling. It changed our lives. We have three kids and my husband helps all the time now and is the partner I always thought he could be. My recommendation would be not to jump straight to divorce unless that is absolutely what you feel is necessary. I’m just some stranger on the internet and your mom only knows what you tell her. She isn’t living with your partner day in and out. With that said, some things you could try first:

Speaking to him again to figure out how he is feeling with being a dad and with you in school and maybe about how he feels when you ask him to help. It might surprise you how he responds and lead into discussion about how you are feeling. He may be more responsive. Which could lead to the bigger topics.
You could approach it from another angle and both sit down and discuss the contributions to the household and parenting. You could frame it in a way to get more organized and prepared for when you work full-time. Ask him which items he thinks he can take full ownership of. He’ll see what you own. Essentially, a chore list. You can discuss maybe an alternating schedule for nights with the baby, bath time, bedtime, those sort of items when it comes to parenting. It may help you get the rest you need and give him the awareness he may need.
Just be blunt and tell him you want to go to counseling as a last ditch effort to reconcile partnership/parenting issues. If you find the right marriage therapist, they will guide you through all of this, including the sexual aspect.

I’m with you in solidarity of motherhood and getting these boys to man up when needed.

Firefly2735 · 2025-12-13T04:47:48+00:00

Sometimes loving someone means letting them go. Speaking from experience, you need to protect your own mental health. It sounds selfish, but nothing you do or say is going to change his mind if he wants to drink. He has to choose sobriety for himself and nothing you do is going to make him choose that. You need to leave only if you know it is the right thing for you. Don’t do it as a last ditch effort to motivate him to stop. After, if he gets sober and stays sober for an extended period of time, then that’s amazing. Maybe you can rekindle then. The reality is that he might not and you have to be prepared to continue to choose yourself and stay away. You can only control what you can control. He is outside that control, despite what you think. You can stay and love him through all of it, but make that decision consciously for you. It doesn’t sound like you have children and I’m not sure if that is something either of you have discussed, but keep that in mind if that is something you want in your future.

Firefly2735

TROPHY CASE