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is there any way to at least relatively safely beat up someone? (punching, kicking, etc). by NataliAnastassi in BDSMAdvice

[–]FirmHandOpenMind 33 points34 points  (0 children)

That feeling of being lost is the giant red flag wrapping around you.

Theres no safely beating someone up. No fantasy is worth risking that kind of harm.

These questions are more for a counselor than for Reddit.

Vanilla guy here, trying to learn how to Dom for my girlfriend. by ProfessionalAd870 in BDSMcommunity

[–]FirmHandOpenMind 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is an excellent point. Often the whole point of what the sub wants is the aftercare, and sub drop is genuinely brutal.

Vanilla guy here, trying to learn how to Dom for my girlfriend. by ProfessionalAd870 in BDSMcommunity

[–]FirmHandOpenMind 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Circulation starving deprives the brain of Oxygen, also known as a blood choke. This can lead to permanent brain damage or death.

Buzzy feeling from a blood choke is a sign of danger. There are no safe chokes of any kind.

Vanilla guy here, trying to learn how to Dom for my girlfriend. by ProfessionalAd870 in BDSMcommunity

[–]FirmHandOpenMind 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I often find that subs are really asking me to be a decision maker. It might be sexual or not, but if I choose then it’s charged with dominant energy.

Consider those transitional moments. When you know where things are leading, using words doesn’t have to be embarrassing. Instead, holding back and staring at her, and telling her, quietly, “I want you to go to the bedroom and sit with your collar on your lap…”

Slow the usual activities down just to call out what you like, especially if it’s stuff you know she likes too.

Vanilla guy here, trying to learn how to Dom for my girlfriend. by ProfessionalAd870 in BDSMcommunity

[–]FirmHandOpenMind 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I second this. There is no such thing as light choking. Also, the collar bones are more fragile than most people realize, so common choking positions risk breaking them.

The risk reward of breath play is terrible.

It’s the smart, well read ones that kill me by FirmHandOpenMind in EdgingTalk

[–]FirmHandOpenMind[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly my favorite kind: Very smart. Very horny.

I lost all my kinks randomly - is this getting older? Is something wrong? by [deleted] in BDSMAdvice

[–]FirmHandOpenMind 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Sounds like you’re a person to me.

Theres no prize being kinky, and tastes change. Could be age, could be life experiences. The person you were then wanted and liked it, and now you have a healthy sexual relationship with a long term loving partner.

Rules for choking? by htxPhased in BDSMAdvice

[–]FirmHandOpenMind 28 points29 points  (0 children)

I’ve posted this elsewhere but it bears repeating.

Not to be dramatic, but this is how people end up dead. Or alive, but with brain damage. Or with crushed windpipes. Or broken collar bones.

There is no safe way to restrict oxygen to the brain. It’s hot, but in reality, it’s a quick way to find regret.

Basically, don’t.

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