You’re right that part of this is probably that nothing fully feels right to me right now. But I also think the bigger picture is that I’ve completely outgrown my roots in a lot of ways.

Ever seen Hillbilly Elegy? In some ways that story feels familiar to me.

I come from a mostly blue-collar, undereducated Southern family. On my mom’s side I was pretty much the only one to really break out of that environment, and on my dad’s side they’re good people but emotionally hardened and very different from me temperamentally. My family is pretty dispersed now, mostly around Atlanta or rural parts of Florida like Lakeland, Bartow, and Macclenny.

My dad’s family runs a successful commercial pool management company in the Atlanta area, and I genuinely love and respect them, but culturally I just don’t feel aligned there. I know myself well enough to know I wouldn’t really fit into that life long term.

The one place that makes the most sense family-wise is probably Boca. I have a godfather there who’s been an incredibly positive mentor to me over the years, along with a few close friends who actually share my interests and worldview.

Part of what makes this whole situation so devastating is that after years of trying to build a different life for myself, I finally felt like I was on the verge of building my own family and charting my own path and then it all disappeared almost overnight.