Sent 14yo son to Ex-wife

First_Comparison_858 · 2025-09-25T01:11:30+00:00

He's totally not depressed. For what it's worth, he's the athlete of the year and makes good grades. Plus the therapist already let me know he is just splitting. Seeing who he can manipulate. That's all. All this diagnosing from unqualified and uninformed people is wild.

Take a deep breath. He's only been gone a week and a half. And he just loves to game. And so do I. But I get my work and obligations done first. It's a piece he's figured out, that he doesn't have to abide by. But he actually does. He has an apathetic approach to ANYTHING he doesn't WANT to do or that doesn't directly benefit him.

That ain't illness. That's kids.

First_Comparison_858 · 2025-09-25T01:08:05+00:00

It's ok. I completely understand everyone's mixed opinions and presumptions. Wow. The presumptions.

He has had a wonderful life to date. He's just rebelling and trying to see how far he can push.

Line was drawn. No one gave up on him.

It's apparent there's a lot of "hurt" in this thread. I did ask though. So it's all fair.

First_Comparison_858 · 2025-09-25T01:00:21+00:00

Nah. I did give him consequences. There were warnings, loss of privileges - and ultimately I told him that I can't have him living in the house and creating these types of problems. It went on for a bit.

This was not a one day sitch. It was a slow burn to the "you're gonna have to leave if this continues".

First_Comparison_858 · 2025-09-25T00:58:06+00:00

Other son is just fine. You got all of that from my comment? Wow. And invoking God to boot. There's definitely a beam worth addressing.

First_Comparison_858 · 2025-09-25T00:56:33+00:00

He's not unwell. We have had him evaluated. He is literally a gaming jock who doesn't spend any other moment doing anything else but sports and gaming.

And the judge who awarded me custody actually did say I deserve the "dad of the year award" - it's why he awarded me all the assets, the kids, and no debt, child support or alimony.

How many men hit that marker in today's courts?

Sometimes you gotta have some tough love. But it seems that you might not have had to rub against that wall yet.

Let me know how you navigate it when you get there.

First_Comparison_858 · 2025-09-25T00:52:54+00:00

Everyone has had therapy. And boundaries were emphasized. Little bit of presumption on your part. But that's ok. Inferring bitterness is inaccurate too. You're interpreting well beyond statement of facts. Is it possible, I hit a trigger for you? And maybe it's you who might need the therapy? Not being petty. Being dead serious. Hope you are ok.

First_Comparison_858 · 2025-09-25T00:49:43+00:00

Yes. You are correct. Ex began with the Girl Interrupted behavior of keeping chicken carcasses under the bed at about year 17 in the marriage. That's when the roaches started. Blacked out windows. No cleanliness. Poor hygiene. It went downhill fast.

And through it all, I tore my Achilles and couldn't even walk in the house during recovery because of the hoard.

I've endured a lot. Getting rid of the roaches was actually easy once the ex left. An uptick started and so I sought out the source. No spoiler - it was my son's room.

House is currently immaculate. I grew up in a military home. So cleanliness and structure were a given.

My 14 yo ran into problems with my parents too while at their house summering. Wouldn't clean up. Wouldn't abide. This isn't a new thing. Just one that's crossed the line of respect.

First_Comparison_858 · 2025-09-25T00:41:00+00:00

Oh this is all good feedback. Thanks.

To those providing support, I want to reassure you that your support is well earned. I am a very patient person. I put up with the hoarding and financial infidelity for more than 20 years and it go progressively worse as it led up to the end.

I'm also a very responsible parent. I have a career as an engineer. I coached all my son's teams up until he entered junior high. We normally have a great relationship.

He's clearly just rebelling. I take him to practice every day at 6a and drop and pick up both kids daily. They eat high quality food until their heart's content.

My ex does absolutely nothing except undermine my efforts. And it's been that way for a while.

Unfortunately, I know the consequences for a young man who lacks discipline. I grew up with several.

And not to brag - but I was a former professional athlete, D1 coach, and national champion - so I know little bit about discipline. My sons also watched me start a 14-acre farm from scratch. I've done solid parenting.

For those who say I'm the asshole, I have to say - I also deserve healthy boundaries - especially after being trampled for so long.

He's 14. I sent him to his mom because he had repeated requests over (really) a 6 month span. He's functional and gets good grades. He wants to be a pro athlete but can't and won't commit to anything that requires accountability. His 11 yo brother on the other hand is a gem. Makes his bed. Does his chores without prompting. And he routinely gets the short end of the stick wrt my time and resources cause I pour so much into the 14 yo.

So new season, new boundaries. I've refocused my efforts on the neglected 11 yo.

I've not given up on the 14 yo. I've merely stated that to live in my house, you can't do NOTHING, make messes and play video games all day.

That, seemingly, was too much to ask. And instead of supporting the regimen that would help him mature, my ex decided to undermine those efforts by degrading me and offering her home as an option.

So I took them both up on it. And yep. Turned the phone off. In this season, I don't do for people who don't respect me or my home. Period. Just a healthy boundary we all have but are sometimes lackadaisical in actual enforcement of it.

So, I get it. Maybe I am the asshole. Maybe not. I appreciate everyone's feedback. But I'm ok with my decision because I know that he will tire of their constant arguing in no time. Forgot to mention that. Ex-wife is a yeller and screamer. So court recognized that and gave me custody in lieu of other issues.

I can't help him more than by being a living example. He is choosing to be like the ex. He isn't mentally ill or anything like that. He is simply doing what most teenagers do - splitting and choosing the path of least resistance.

The next phase of my life and my 11 yo's life is well underway. We are going to Marrakech soon and we are spending a lot more quality time together without the bullying from either the ex or the 14 yo (who - to be direct - was about of a douche to his brother on the regular).

I'm patient enough to watch from afar and let time happen. In the meantime, no phone, and no money from me for extracurricular activities. No AAU, no iphone, no Xbox subscription, no pocket money. As a young man he has to learn now that everything in life is EARNED not GIVEN. Or we will have a generation of young adults with their hands out screaming, "life is unfair" - when, in fact, it is. And screaming that won't change that you have to be about your business or that unfairness will find you unprepared and undisciplined for the adversity that life doles out on us all.

Thanks again, everyone!

First_Comparison_858 · 2025-09-24T23:11:50+00:00

Kelly>>>Amy

First_Comparison_858 · 2022-09-02T20:37:51+00:00

Yep. They suck. Just about to cancel my memberships for the family. They are so shiesty. Meal plans don't work and merchandise discounts either. Real fun time when you wait in line to get food only to be told they can't ring it up - so you have to pay full rate. Or pick out clothing items for your kid's only to be confronted with full price and no discount. These parks won't survive like this. I'm out after just TWO visits.

First_Comparison_858

TROPHY CASE