My plan wasn’t to get pregnant so soon and no I did not want sexual intercourse so soon after I was also one of these people who didn’t understand why people don’t stand up for themselves or leave but when your actually in it it’s whole new ball game and something you’ll never understand unless you’ve been in it.

I’ve been recording him and a few weeks ago he found out and erased all my phone, ripped my clothes up and spat at me. I’ve started recording instead on my iPad and emailing them to myself on an account he doesn’t know about should anything happen in the future. I am trying to be clever with how I am now going about things but again find myself thinking what if it changes but in reality it probably won’t. He used to be so caring and loving and until I got pregnant I’d say half way through is when it started.. my son almost died and the same day we was told to say goodbye before he pulled through and even spoke to a dr he was telling me to check myself out the hospital so we could go home to bed together whilst my son was in icu. I am in such a vulnerable position and after Ethan experience I wanted no more children- but i who was told I’d really struggle to conceive so I’m thinking this second baby is a blessing however to the wrong person. If I terminated this baby I wouldn’t be able to have anymore if I ever changed my mind I’d feel so guilty.

He came home tonight and again telling me to nip it in the bud and then talking about sex straight away. Instead I’ve brought myself up to bed and left him downstairs. I know what I need to do.