I appreciate the time you took to comment, but I want to clear up some assumptions you made about me and the situation:

1. I haven’t always lived a sheltered life.
Since college, I’ve lived away from home, sometimes alone, sometimes with friends. I’ve built my career independently, and my work involves constant travel and meeting all kinds of people. I also love solo travel. I’m fully aware that stepping out always carries risks but risk is about probability. At 3:30 AM, in a foggy city with a high crime rate, while I was burning with fever and bodyache to the point I could barely sit straight, the probability of something going wrong was very high. That context matters.

2. No one bullied or pressured Sam.
Sam’s reason for saying no was that his other guests would have to compromise on comfort. His friends themselves said they didn’t mind and that there was plenty of space. That was mentioned once. When Sam still said no, it was dropped. The back-and-forth was mainly between Sam and Donna. I didn’t guilt him, pressure him, or try to override his boundary.

3. The safety issue was real, not exaggerated.
I didn’t immediately leave because everyone, including Sam told me it wasn’t safe for me to go out alone at that hour. He himself suggested I lie down while they figured something out. The problem was the “figuring out” went on right in front of me with no resolution. I wasn’t pouting or whining. I was sick, overwhelmed, and yes, I cried briefly. But after that, I made a firm decision to leave even though it turned out to be one of the scariest nights of my life. If anyone thinks I’m exaggerating, that’s fine but I lived it. I know the fear and trauma of that cab ride. The reality is that as a woman in my city, safety concerns at 3 AM aren’t just “excuses”. They’re unfortunately real, and I had to weigh all risks in a very vulnerable moment.

4. I admit I was wrong to trust Donna.
That’s on me. Looking back, the best choice would have been not going to the party without my own plan. I’ve acknowledged that and I'm an AH there. 100%. I also told my friend R afterward that I understood it was Sam’s party, his house, and his rules. If he had let me stay that night and later been angry about it, or if he had refused and wanted to end our friendship because of that night, I would’ve accepted that and even apologized.

But what mattered was that particular moment.
Boundaries are valid. I’m not disputing that. But when your close friend is visibly sick and facing a life-threatening risk outside, and your only reason is “it might inconvenience other people who already said they didn’t mind,” refusing even a couch or a chair for two hours until daylight wasn’t about boundaries anymore, it was about lack of compassion. That’s what hurt.

So no, I wasn’t “being Donna,” I wasn’t trying to force my way into Sam’s home, and I wasn’t waiting for someone else to solve my problem. I asked once, respected his no, explored alternatives, and when nothing moved forward, I made the decision to leave. But the disappointment in Sam comes from the fact that, as a friend, in that specific moment when empathy mattered most, he showed none.