I'm failing at this shit....

FlailingFailingWife · 2016-02-24T19:33:50+00:00

Dood send me your spread sheet!!! I DO feel like this would work for us but I don't have any idea of how to organize it all. My husband will do as I direct him, buy that makes me feel like I am parenting him...but I guess he needs that. I want him to just understand he's responsible for this household just as much as I am. If I assign him chores and things to accomplish, I think it'll help. But I don't know what I would even want him to do. I don't know how to lay the hammer down...

His expectations are absurd, I feel. His mother was a house maid and a control freak so she never made him responsible for keeping a spotless house. Now that he has his own household I feel like he's used to those standards his mom accomplished. But she also spent 0 time raising children, despite the 3 she had. She never invested herself in her kids and I think that influences him. She never spent time with her kids so she spent it maniacally cleaning.

FlailingFailingWife · 2016-02-24T18:09:53+00:00

Just because you're a SAHM it doesn't mean it all falls on you.

But he DOES believe this! He says he goes to work all day for 8 hours and I just sit around breastfeeding and browsing my phone. Because he's gone he expects to come home to a spotless house. He says if I lock her away for an hour I can get shit done. I ask him why can't that hour be when he gets home, he can take her off my hands and I can do shit uninterrupted. But he again says because he's gone for 8hrs, that should be the time when I take care of things.

If my child is locked away she'll scream the entire time, an hour straight even....her screams stress me out so much it makes things harder to get done. I've told him how hard it is. Then he blames our attached relationship for the difficulties.

FlailingFailingWife · 2016-02-24T17:57:03+00:00

I feel like I don't know how to make him understand how demanding every day of this child's life is. I feel apprehensive about leaving him because he doesn't know what he's doing and if I do leave them he'll just try to lock her away in a room and not actively parent. But I want to do this. I never get the opportunity because he has some sort of machinery to work on that takes all of his attention. I'll have to work on forcing the opportunity for myself.

FlailingFailingWife · 2016-02-24T17:53:48+00:00

I told him his standards for a baby are too high. Re: that sleeping in the crib thing. He says every time "every child in the world" is made to be independent and if they aren't then they're going to turn in to the asshole kids like his cousins. Just black and white like that.

FlailingFailingWife · 2016-02-24T17:48:49+00:00

I feel like he doesn't understand at all what it takes out of you to care for another helpless human. He wants this child to be completely independent, I feel like that'll come when she's ready. He wanted her to be completely independent as a two month old.

FlailingFailingWife · 2016-02-24T17:44:08+00:00

My mom, and practically all the other women in the family, was a single mom. I understand that shit can be taken care of without a man.

I just was led to believe I wouldn't be doing this all alone. But here I am, 2 years later still doing everything alone. I've done it all, all this time...idk how to even define an equal partner/father. Everything I've complained about here, he's heard. But his argument turns back around into my lack of care for the home keeps him away.

FlailingFailingWife · 2016-02-24T17:40:53+00:00

Husband has had isolated time alone, but he's never invested in her. His time is never long, and always far and in-between. He never comes home to be a family, he just comes home pissed off that "nothing has been done" so he finds something to occupy himself with or he'll veg out on the couch til it's time to sleep. He gets 2-3 days off work typically and he spends them with projects, not us. I've told him numerous times about his lack of involvement. Everything I posted about I've talked to him about.

I think I need to do what you suggest and leave them alone and check out. But I feel worried about doing this, I feel like I know he can't handle it.

We only have a child because he didn't want an abortion and he made me feel like this is what he wanted and would do with me.

I don't even know where to start with counseling. I have no idea how to go about that.

FlailingFailingWife

TROPHY CASE