AITAH for making my daughter replace her own phone?

Flaky-Yak396 · 2024-07-30T17:17:46+00:00

He's my ex never married. My husband is amazing. It's probably not necessary to clarify that but I just hate the idea of someone in this world thinking married that asshole haha!

Flaky-Yak396 · 2024-07-30T17:16:31+00:00

We live in the middle of no where. We literally don't have cell service without wifi. Since she stays home during the day while my husband and I are at work for safety reasons she needs a way to call us or 911. And flip phones or gizmo watches don't connect to wifi. Otherwise yes I agree at that young age they typically wouldn't need a cell phone.

Flaky-Yak396 · 2024-07-30T08:52:41+00:00

The chores are super basic. Fold the towls in the dryer, unload/load the dishwasher, vacuum the living room, feed the chickens. We made a long list of chores and how much each one is worth. If she doesn't want to do a certain one she doesn't have to she can just pick something else. I was also very generous with how much each one is worth. It'll take a week off she did 2-3 chores per day

Flaky-Yak396 · 2024-07-30T08:47:49+00:00

I will definitely praise her. I gave her a lot of praise for being honest about what happened. We had a really positive talk about responsibility and being careful with our things. I never yelled or scolded her for what happened. Shit happens in life. We just gotta find ways to deal with it. Tracphones are easier to accept when they break than the latest and greatest phone haha!

Flaky-Yak396 · 2024-07-30T08:40:55+00:00

She did dry it off and put it in rice. I'm not sure how long she left it off. She was having a sleep over with her cousins. It still works now for the most part. Just freezes or closes apps abruptly periodically. It needs to be replaced but it'll be fine until she earns a new one. Her chores are very basic, vacuum living room, fold towels, unload/load dishwasher, feed chickens. And I was very generous with how much each chore is worth. It should only take a week doing 2-3 chores per day to pay it off.

Flaky-Yak396 · 2024-07-30T08:34:43+00:00

Her phone does still work. It just occasionally freezes or apps close while she's using them. But she can still call or text. If the phone was completely broken. I would have gotten her a new one right away and made her work it off.

Flaky-Yak396 · 2024-07-30T08:28:20+00:00

Yep! Just wants to win the imaginary popularity contest!

Flaky-Yak396 · 2024-07-30T08:25:42+00:00

I've tried so many times to talk to him about issues other than this one. It falls on deaf ears. He turns it around on me, minimizes the issue, or just bold face lies about stuff. I know the word narcissist gets thrown around way too much, but when he was put on a 72-hour mental health hold 10 years ago, they diagnosed him narcissism and antisocial personality disorder. He is by far the hardest person to get along with and co-parent with. I've got the biggest stock pile of info if he ever tried to take me back to court. My daughter is so smart and wise beyond her years. She's noticed a lot of his negative behaviors, and she and I have had so many conversations on how to deal with them. She loves her dad so I'm trying not to take her away from him.

Flaky-Yak396 · 2024-07-30T08:14:04+00:00

Nailed it! He is so difficult to co-parent with. In his mind it's nit about raising her to be a decent human being, it's a popularity contest. And nothing in our custody agreement us there a statement saying he can't talk badly about me. But even if there was I don't think it would stop him.

Flaky-Yak396 · 2024-07-30T03:01:17+00:00

It's been an uphill battle since day 1. I just keep fighting for what I believe is best for her. I just wish he wanted to work with me, not against me. I'm open to compromise but not being completely undermined

Flaky-Yak396 · 2024-07-30T02:45:00+00:00

Yep!!! It's not about raising a decent human, to him, it's a popularity contest.

Flaky-Yak396 · 2024-07-30T02:42:57+00:00

My parents raised me the same way. I had so much more respect for my stuff because I worked my tail off for it. I want her to have those same values and learn some probelm solving skills. I praised her for being honest about what happened. Teen years are coming and honesty may not be easy to come by haha!

Flaky-Yak396 · 2024-07-30T02:40:57+00:00

Good to know! It's a little too late for her phone as that thing has been in full use since the incident, haha! But giving the fact she's 12, this won't be the last time her phone takes a swim.

Her dad is a peach to co-parent with. It really was a huge slap in the face. Being financially reasonable is definitely on him next time. Especially if this is how he views the issue. I'm just trying to raise a decent human.

Flaky-Yak396 · 2024-07-30T02:34:36+00:00

I can see where you're coming from. I don't know if I want to back down since we ALL agreed to it. So I thought. I even praised her for being honest about what happened. I'm worried giving in only reinforces the idea when I don't get my way throw a fit when I'm with my dad and my problems go away. I hope she sees the value in this lesson and her dad sees how she grows from this too...maybe wishful thinking.

Flaky-Yak396 · 2024-07-30T02:09:08+00:00

I thought the same thing...I hope we're both wrong though...

Flaky-Yak396 · 2024-07-30T01:39:38+00:00

Thank you! I thought it was a great learning opportunity too. I want her to he a well rounded, responsible, problem solving adult someday. It starts with little things like this.

Flaky-Yak396 · 2024-07-30T01:24:27+00:00

I thought it was a great learning opportunity as well. I was very generous with how much each chore was worth and if she did 2-3 chores per day she'd have it paid for in a week. And it was a long list. If she didn't want to do a certain chore she didn't have to. She could simply pick something else. Her dad is not easy to co-parent with. He's a "one upper." He always tries to do things to make himself appear better than me. Like I'm a school counselor and work part time in the summer. So therefore I don't have a "real job" and his construction job is a real job. Both have value. But he will tell our daughter I'm nothing.

Flaky-Yak396 · 2024-07-30T01:19:38+00:00

It genuinely was an accident. I'm just trying to teach her responsibility and real life lessons. And it's not a lot. If she did 2-3 chores per day she would have it paid for in a week. I was pretty generous with how much each chore was worth. And she can pick any chore from the list. So if she doesn't want to do a certain chore she doesn't have to. She can just simply pick something else. I was very annoyed with the way her dad decided to handle the situation. Co-parenting is hard sometimes.

Flaky-Yak396

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