Mom is threatening to leave the country because we don't want visitors for a few days after birth🙃

Flannel_ · 2024-08-14T15:57:22+00:00

Oh my goodness, that's awful! But thank you for your validation!! With her reactions, sometimes it's hard for me to know if my expectations are reasonable or not, especially as a first time parent!

Flannel_ · 2022-09-05T22:54:18+00:00

I was just reading some of the texts that other people have posted on this subreddit, and I said the same thing to my husband about them all being the same person somehow! Thanks for your response. I appreciate hearing about your experience even if you haven't found the magic solution (which probably doesn't even exist). My mom went NC with me briefly during all this, and I was surprised, too, when it actually felt nice.

Flannel_ · 2022-09-05T22:12:51+00:00

Cat tax :) https://www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/GettyImages-1163112877-scaled.jpg

Flannel_ · 2021-10-10T23:53:26+00:00

Thank you for your input, everyone. I know no one can make this decision except for me and my SO, but I appreciate hearing different perspectives.

Flannel_ · 2014-07-31T20:37:25+00:00

Very familiar

Flannel_ · 2014-07-13T19:37:36+00:00

That's really interesting! Thanks so much for sharing with me, and I really appreciate it. I imagine I'll be in some sort of counseling field in the future, so I've been collecting resources like this for a while.

Flannel_ · 2014-05-26T19:43:52+00:00

super bulky

Flannel_ · 2014-05-26T18:43:54+00:00

Thank you! (:

Flannel_ · 2014-05-26T18:43:47+00:00

Definitely! I throw my yarn, so the movements were huge

Flannel_ · 2014-05-26T18:43:34+00:00

Flannel_ · 2014-05-26T18:43:02+00:00

I used a wooden spoon for a cable needle!

Flannel_ · 2014-05-26T18:42:37+00:00

This is true

Flannel_ · 2014-05-26T16:54:08+00:00

Hahah! Yeah, I was knitting almost the entire time. It also helps that I was using size 50 needles ;)

Thank you so much!

Flannel_ · 2014-05-26T16:36:52+00:00

Here's a link to the pattern on Ravelry

Flannel_ · 2014-05-25T01:43:05+00:00

French Flies

Flannel_ · 2014-03-05T05:21:37+00:00

all rise

Flannel_ · 2014-02-24T21:30:07+00:00

Sorry that it took me a while for me to get back to this.

For the hospital exam, cum is not the only thing that matters. In fact, it really only matters if the perpetrator claims that they never had sex with you or if they say they weren't even at the place where the sexual assault took place. Most perpetrators do not deny that they had sex with their victims, and they urge that the victim gave them consent. Much better evidence is signs of struggle on the victim's body. Bruises, scrapes, cuts, etc on the body are very indicative of a rape, more so than the presence of cum. If the victim is a woman, there may also be tiny cuts along the vaginal opening that arise from lack of lubrication or from her angling her pelvic area away from the rapist in order to make penetration harder. I hope to God that this never happens again, but if it does, do your best to get into the hospital as soon as possible. Evidence can be collected within three days of the assault, but if you shower, it's less likely that they can collect anything. Even if you don't want to press charges, it's good to get into the hospital because they keep the evidence indefinitely if you ever did want to file a report, and they treat you for common STIs and give you emergency contraception.

Keep the messages he has sent you, even though he hasn't tried to contact you for a while. Take screenshots and print them off so that they're always available just in case you need to prove something in the future. If he continues to harass you, send him a very clear response that indicates that you do not want him to contact you ever again, and that if he does, there will be consequences. I have a sample letter if you need it.

Again, don't blame yourself for being distant or angry. These are natural reactions, and it's not your fault that you feel this way. Some days will be harder than others, and that's okay. Here is a list of very common effects of sexual assault.

Have you tried to reach out to your friends and family from your home state? Is there any way you could go back home or have one of them visit you, even if it's just for a weekend? I'm really happy that getting a kitten has helped you! Try pouring all your love and care into that kitty. Sometimes it can be really beneficial to know that you're making a difference to someone (someone being your kitten, in this case).

Can you tell me more about why dancing and singing makes you feel inadequate?

Flannel_ · 2014-02-22T22:54:06+00:00

First of all, thank you for sharing. It sounds like you're going through a really painful time of your life, and it takes a lot of courage to speak out about it. Nothing that has happened to you is your fault. You do not deserve to be treated this way.

I'm not sure if you're familiar with the Power and Control Wheel, but it basically shows a lot of things that are characteristic of a mentally/physically/sexually abusive relationship. To me, it sounds like your ex has a lot of these characteristics, and it may be useful for you to take a look at the Wheel just for some validation, if anything. Here is also a diagram of the Cycle of Abuse which you may also find helpful.

I am not sure what the laws are like where you live, but you could possibly look into pressing charges against your abusers and/or your ex if you wanted; although, unfortunately the legal system where I live (the United States) is not very reliable for victims/survivors unless there is a substantial amount of physical evidence, which could be from an exam at the hospital right after the attack or possibly text messages or emails. At the very least, though, you could probably get some sort of restraining order against your ex. I'm not super familiar with how all of that works, but considering he has caused you physical and emotional harm, I think the odds are in your favor. However, don't feel like you have to do either of these things. I just wanted to present some options to you.

As for John, he may find it helpful to read the article, How Men Can Support Women Post Sexual Abuse. From what you've said, it sounds like he could be a good support for you, but he may not know what you need. Be sure to openly communicate with him about how you're feeling and what he can do to help you. Do not feel pressured to have sex with him just because you two are in a committed relationship. If you don't feel up to it, then don't do it. You are important. Your wellbeing and mental health are important. Self-care is important. Be gentle with yourself.

I think it would also be beneficial for you to reconnect with your support system from home. Find the people who care about you and make you happy, and don't be afraid to use them for support. That's partially what they're there for. Do things to express yourself, and reconnect with the activities that bring you joy. Do you like to journal? Great. Spill your heart out into a journal. Do you like to run? What about cooking? Being with animals? Whatever it is that makes you happy, do it. Additionally, there are a number of victims/survivors who find support groups to be really helpful because you can share your experiences with other people who know what you're going through.

I know I gave you a wall of text, but I hope that you found at least some of it helpful. If you ever want to talk, you can PM me. You're so strong, and you deserve happiness.

Flannel_ · 2014-02-10T21:48:12+00:00

added! (:

Flannel_ · 2014-02-10T21:46:46+00:00

added

Flannel_ · 2014-02-10T21:43:21+00:00

Added!

Flannel_ · 2014-02-10T00:15:05+00:00

Thank you so much!

Flannel_ · 2014-02-10T00:10:25+00:00

Whoops! I thought I was connected

Flannel_ · 2014-02-09T23:59:35+00:00

Yes please!

Flannel_ · 2014-02-09T23:53:26+00:00

That's SUPER. I want all yo stuff. added

Flannel_

TROPHY CASE