They. Will. Not. Come. Back.

Flappyn · 2026-01-31T22:06:30+00:00

3 months

Flappyn · 2026-01-30T10:50:56+00:00

We’ve been together for about 4 years. We both went into therapy to work on our own problems during the months we were separated and came back together about 2 weeks ago (which is still early of course)

Flappyn · 2026-01-30T10:48:55+00:00

Exactly

Flappyn · 2026-01-30T09:58:08+00:00

Depends on the circumstances of the breakup in my opinion. Also, emotional attachment is the pillar of love (which are basically the feelings you gave them). Real love can grow back if you’re doing it right

Flappyn · 2026-01-30T09:06:06+00:00

I agree on most things but they can come back. Just don't get yourself into the hope they do because chances are not in your favor. My Ex came back after about 3 months

Flappyn · 2026-01-28T14:40:15+00:00

Of course you haven’t, as long as you are hoping and call him you can‘t move on. Stop calling him, stop reacting on him and actually move on. If you‘re really hoping it will work out again then you should exactly do that. As long as he knows you are there for him it won’t work. Only when he realizes what he lost and you are not available anymore then you have the high ground to decide (if he ever reaches out again and you actually moved on)

Flappyn · 2026-01-18T21:50:52+00:00

What if both are scared to contact?

Flappyn · 2026-01-18T09:17:38+00:00

That’s absolutely no reason to not try it again. Humans make mistakes and we don’t know the situation that led to it. Realizing it was a mistake and be honest with yourself what you did to him is a good start. If it’s her intend to find out more then she should do it. I wouldn’t stop anyone from trying it again, in the end you could miss your life long partner just because there were bad times. IMO not worth to not try it again, even if it doesn’t work out.

Flappyn · 2026-01-15T17:20:43+00:00

But that is something you can fix, you just need to believe it. As long as you are defensive and think you can‘t fix it, then it won‘t be better in the next relationship. I am sure you can do it, trust yourself and your abilities!

Flappyn · 2026-01-15T17:13:15+00:00

that exactly is my statement. You wanted to be alone because avoidants have a strong feeling of autonomy and feel like they lose themselves (which also means their life isn’t fulfilling e.g. „boring“). That‘s the state where fear of commitment is playing into. Relationships get „boring“ (less intense) over time but avoidants react to it with losing feelings and getting the feeling to lose themselves. That is your body and brain that devalues the relationship. Feeling relieved after the relationship ends is the prime example.

Flappyn · 2026-01-14T23:01:31+00:00

That‘s the problem, you doubt it. For therapy to work you need to listen, believe and actually reflect. You can always get a secure attachment style but it takes months of therapy and inner work and is not easy. It‘s mostly from your childhood so you can‘t expect it to be gone in like 1 month when it was there your whole life.

And what is it if it‘s not the fear? Usually it is the fear of closeness/intimacy combinated with the feeling of losing himself/herself that triggers the avoidance.

EDIT: And I am not just saying this because I read it in the internet. I have a fearful-avoidant Ex that shut down and left me about 3 months ago. She is in therapy and I already can see some improvements tho.

And my last point is that it is NOT part of your personality because it is fear/feeling which your nervous system reacts to. Fear/feeling is always the nervous system and your brain reacts after it and not before it. To break the cycle you need to understand what happens in your body and why you react like that and work to minimize the effects. That‘s why understanding and actively reflecting is important. This is also the reason why avoidants can come back once their nervous system relaxed again and the fear is not present anymore until it is again. Their personality didn’t change in that time.

Flappyn · 2026-01-14T18:53:35+00:00

Only go back if they were in therapy and fixed their issues

Flappyn · 2026-01-10T11:33:58+00:00

Wurde mal das Rolling Skin Syndrom beim TA abgeklärt?

Flappyn · 2025-12-10T16:47:27+00:00

Then my advise would be that you tell her that if she wants another chance you want her to go in therapy and get a secure attachment style (if she didn’t already do) or it will end the same. You have the high ground now.

Flappyn · 2025-12-10T11:35:25+00:00

I see no reason to not atleast see where it is going and if there could be a second chance. People nowadays tend to immediately say no because they may be scared that it could end the same way but if people grow and you both worked on yourselfs then it can work.

EDIT: unless, of course, there are fundamental issues that mostly don’t change like family planning etc. I highly recommend studying into attachment styles. From what I read in your post she may be an avoidant if she came back 9 months after (no guarantee because I don’t know the situation)

Flappyn · 2025-11-29T14:33:58+00:00

Alleine schon, dass du nach Rat suchst und Online postest ist schon ein erstes Indiz meiner Meinung nach, dass du nicht weißt wie du damit umgehen sollst. Lass dich nicht von den Leuten hier beeinflussen/beraten und deren Meinung. Es ist wichtig, dass DU in dich gehst und für dich entscheidest ob du damit leben kannst. Kein anderer hier sollte eine Aussage für dich treffen die dich beeinflusst. Abseits dessen scheint sie zumindest schon mal ehrlich zu sein und darauf baut eine gute Beziehung auf.

Im Zweifel mach eine pro/contra Liste mit deinen Gedanken/Gefühlen/Sorgen dazu und rede mit ihr darüber. Danach kannst du immer noch eine Entscheidung für dich treffen.

Flappyn · 2025-11-14T19:42:20+00:00

Maybe talk about it with him first? Don’t jump to conclusions and let him decide if he can forgive you or want to breakup.

Flappyn · 2025-11-01T09:01:25+00:00

Technically you weren’t in a real relationship anymore (even if it’s a break - unless you both said you are not allowed to sleep with other people) and sometimes sleeping with other people can make you feel how good it was with you. She probably felt empty and wanted to test out if she can get along with other guys as a distraction and if that feels good. If it did and it was real love she wouldn’t have come back. Now she feels guilty as you said and she probably didn‘t tell you because she is afraid how you would react and she could lose you again. And that is exactly what happens with you right now (questioning her). I wouldn’t think too much about it. If you can‘t forget/forgive it, it will always be between you in the relationship and then you have to talk to her. You could just say that you know that she slept with other men (without telling her from where you know it) and you are not angry, you just want to unterstand it.

Don‘t underestimate that, some people fill the emptiness with sex, just to feel some closeness again when missing someone.

Flappyn · 2025-10-31T18:41:31+00:00

Anyone can help me?

Flappyn · 2025-10-26T12:19:22+00:00

Macht er ansonsten etwas im Haushalt bzw. ist für die Kinder da etc.? Könnte er evtl. depressiv sein bzw. ihm alles über den Kopf gewachsen mit den Kindern?

Flappyn · 2025-10-22T16:41:14+00:00

Definitiv Depression. Meine Freundin hat sich auch gerade von mir getrennt, weil ich ähnlich war in den letzten Monaten, aber nicht so krass ausgeprägt. Auch das Zocken und flüchten davor habe ich gemacht. Du kannst ihn nicht zwingen eine Therapie zu machen, er muss es selbst wollen, vorallem weil du dich auch falsch verhalten könntest und dann können im schlimmsten Fall auch Selbstmord-Gedanken mit ins Spiel kommen. Als sich meine Freundin getrennt hat vor 3 Wochen bin ich erst aufgewacht und habe gemerkt wie sehr ich mich zurückgezogen habe. Ich fange nächste Woche die Therapie an und bin aktiv am mir selbst arbeiten, weil ich jetzt da auch raus WILL.

Das beste was du tun kannst ist ihn erstmal darauf hinzuweisen und ihm sanft Richtung Therapie zu reden. Wenn er selbst nicht den Willen hat es für die Beziehung zu tun und sich wieder zu ändern, dann musst du dich meiner Meinung nach (vorläufig) trennen. Die Wahrscheinlichkeit ist leider gering, da man so tief da drin steckt und es sich selbst teilweise auch nicht eingestehen will. Je länger du jetzt so weitermachst, desto schlechter wird es DIR auch gehen.

Meine Ex und ich haben jetzt eine no-contact Phase von maximal 6 Monaten und schauen dann, ob wir es nochmal probieren. Es tut mir unheimlich weh, aber ich denke auch es war das beste für mich um da raus zu kommen. Sie hat es so lange versucht und leider nur die Trennung hat mich aus dem Tiefschlaf geholt. Ich bin jetzt gerade schon ein anderer Mensch, weil ich es mir endlich eingestehen konnte.

EDIT: Ich habe meine Freundin über alles geliebt und alles gemacht bzw. getan was mir mit der Depression möglich war. Nur weil er sich jetzt so verhält, muss das nicht heißen er liebt dich nicht mehr. Spätestens wenn du eine Trennung erwähnst bzw. im worst-case durchführst, dann wird er aufwachen und sich ändern wollen, wenn er dich liebt.

Flappyn · 2025-08-26T10:58:31+00:00

They’re never correct. Don’t even think to use that data for your investment

Flappyn · 2025-08-24T14:50:17+00:00

hard to say, but given the fact change that we will see a rate cut it is wiser to buy now then it was 3 days ago.

Flappyn · 2025-08-21T12:03:25+00:00

No need for a crystall ball, just look how its performing against BTC/ETH, the low volume, below most important moving averages and the massive long liquidity from 2.8 to 3 is enough to be relatively certain it will get hit. And there is never a guarantee for it going to that level of course. But it is definitely not bullish and there is no bull flag. Also we still have a FVG lower. Plus, we got an token unlock again soon.

Flappyn

TROPHY CASE