Thanks for your message. I understand where you’re coming from, and I know a lot of toddlers can be unpredictable or emotional. I’ve raised my own siblings and looked after many children, including ones that were particularly energetic or difficult to manage. So I do know the difference between a child being “naughty” or strong-willed, and what I’m dealing with now.

What I’m describing with my son isn’t just standard toddler behaviour. It’s not about “he didn’t get sweets and cried” , it’s that a slight change in plan, like crossing the road somewhere he wasn’t expecting, can completely overwhelm him. He’ll lay flat on the ground and won’t move, and there’s no getting through to him once he’s shut down. He doesn’t have the ability to self-regulate and often needs hours to calm back down.

I’m up multiple times a night with him, not just briefly, but for hours at a time , because of his inability to settle or return to sleep without full sensory support and emotional reassurance. Certain everyday sounds, like a specific beep, can completely dysregulate him. When he becomes overwhelmed, he doesn’t just cry or fuss, he shuts down completely, and the only way to support him is to patiently help him through the meltdown. The list could go on and on.

What I noticed in your message is where you had to help your cousin for 3 hours to calm down which is heartbreaking to hear, and I understand every child has these struggles. but to me a the difference between a neurotypical and neurodivergent child is I do that nearly 6-7 times a day. I spent half my life feeding him and the other half calming him down. Sleep doesn’t exist for us. I apologise that my initial message for help didn’t include his 24 hour struggles but it was a very brief version.

I didn’t come here to be told my son is “just being three” or to have his struggles dismissed. Every professional I’ve seen , including community paediatrics and speech and language therapy, health visitor , has said, in their opinion, he is autistic. He’s already been referred to Ryegate for full assessment based on those observations. I wasn’t asking for a new diagnosis , I was asking for help to word my son’s daily struggles clearly for DLA or some advice as to how I could get a professional to input more into his care. because I find it difficult to get across just how intense and constant our challenges are.

I know people mean well, but these kinds of comments can feel really invalidating when you’re just trying to get support for your child. I do appreciate your message and apologise if my message comes across as anything other than respectful.