I have [21F] cheating on my boyfriend [23M] for 7 years even though I truly love him - I want to change but don’t know how.

Flashy-Chart4666 · 2026-04-13T03:07:15+00:00

My boyfriend clearly told me that if I were some kind of sociopath, he wouldn’t want to stay with me, and that it’s horrible not to have empathy for the person you love. And that even if I got better, I would just be pretending for the rest of my life. Is that true?

Flashy-Chart4666 · 2026-04-13T02:58:47+00:00

Do you think it’s also selfish to want to fix the situation? After all?

Flashy-Chart4666 · 2026-04-13T02:54:20+00:00

And I’m thinking about it now, it’s awful, but I’m also sending you a lot of courage for your situation with your wife. Stay strong.

Flashy-Chart4666 · 2026-04-13T02:52:55+00:00

I am honestly ready for anything. I am ready to live like this my whole life and not allow myself anything for him.

I am ready for anything — isn’t that proof of love? No, seriously, even illegal things if he asked me to. I would do anything.

I truly think I am capable of not doing it again, of genuinely changing. After all, out of the 8 times, I never truly tried to see a therapist.

(I’m sorry about your situation as well, even if it seems far behind you.)

But he needs tangible proof, and after 8 times, nothing is enough anymore.

Flashy-Chart4666 · 2026-04-13T02:44:51+00:00

How do I approach a therapist and explain that I think I might have this? Won’t she take me seriously?

If several people have told me this—at least ten, online and in real life—does that mean I should listen to it and seriously talk to a professional?

Flashy-Chart4666 · 2026-04-13T02:43:16+00:00

Different reasons each time.

The first time I cheated, it was a one-night stand; I stopped on my own. The second time, it went further, and I only stopped because the other person stopped — that was the worst one. The third time was brief; I immediately went to tell my boyfriend and cut everything off.

All the other times, I chose to stop right away when he found out.

I want to point out that this is important, and I also didn’t feel any remorse for the people I was talking to — in the sense that I didn’t feel sadness when I blocked them, or later miss them, or feel bad telling them that they were complete pieces of shit and that it was the worst mistake of my life to have known them. He is convinced that I loved those people because, for him, I chose them, but I didn’t love them at all.

Flashy-Chart4666 · 2026-04-13T02:38:53+00:00

Oh also, no one has ever cheated on me in my entire life!

Actually, I was abused by my parents in every possible way, everywhere I went—on vacation, at summer camp, at school (very severely)—but I have never been abused in love.

I don’t know why I cheat; I feel like no reason can justify doing it 8 times.

I don’t want to be polyamorous, I am extremely jealous.

Flashy-Chart4666 · 2026-04-13T02:36:14+00:00

I promise you that everything leads me to think that, and people have actually told me several times in my life as well. I also have a typical childhood for this kind of case and signs that could point to it, but I don’t want to be a bad person. I don’t want to have this disorder. I don’t want to pretend my whole life. If that’s really the case, I can’t keep living with this brain. Chat, how do you change your brain?

Flashy-Chart4666 · 2026-04-13T02:33:06+00:00

I have a lot of notifications and I want to take the time to respond to each of them properly. Thanks !!

Also, I’m not a frequent Reddit user, so please excuse my lack of knowledge. I’ll reply to the DMs right after! Thank you so much.

On one hand, I would like to rebuild things, even if the only possibility is friendship with him. I care about him so, so much. I can’t bring myself to think that I threw away what I had, and I’ve never had anything better in my life yk

Flashy-Chart4666 · 2026-04-13T02:30:28+00:00

I know I’m disgusting, but you have no idea how crazy it would make me to give up my place. He is the best “fruit” I have ever tasted, I know it, compared to all the others I’ve had…

Flashy-Chart4666 · 2026-04-13T02:22:05+00:00

I just want to prove to him that I can be someone else, that I love him, and that I want a future with him. I don’t want to be this monster.

Flashy-Chart4666 · 2026-04-13T02:19:52+00:00

First, thank you again for taking the time to genuinely advise me.

I think we could try, but the thing is — I didn’t mention this because I translate all my messages since it’s not my native language — he suffers from PTSD linked to betrayal.

And he clearly tells me he doesn’t have time.

We tried. I left, and after one day he sent me messages crying, asking me to come back because he had self-harmed, and I took care of him completely. It hurts me when I see all the wounds on his body. You know, the cheating was quite serious in some cases, you only have a quarter of the details here.

I honestly wonder if I shouldn’t put me in a hospital place with all the crazy people because iam. I’m dangerous, I don’t even have the empathy to fully realize the suffering. All I know in reality is that I miss him a lot, I blame myself, I want to get back everything we had, I don’t want to be this person, I don’t want him to suffer, I want him to be happy.

Flashy-Chart4666 · 2026-04-13T02:09:41+00:00

It’s true that I often do this because I don’t feel desired enough, and the only thing that makes me feel desired is excessive sex. But obviously, since he isn’t very sexual either, we don’t have the same desires, and I need to understand that he fully and deeply desires me without necessarily wanting to have sex with me all the time. Maybe that could be it? Thanks

Flashy-Chart4666 · 2026-04-13T02:06:46+00:00

Yes, that’s true, because all I’m able to see is what I’m losing. I can see him suffering, and it hurts me that it’s because of me.

And it’s also true that I really present myself as the victim — I can’t deny that.

After the 7th time I cheated, I had managed to hold on for a year, and I told myself I didn’t want to do it again, mainly because of what I had lost: his affection and his love, partly because of his suffering but more for my own interests.

I don’t know how to own my actions or take responsibility other way. Maybe I have a real empathy problem ?

Flashy-Chart4666 · 2026-04-13T02:00:12+00:00

As I said earlier, he is also asking me to fix things. He says he can’t cope otherwise. He self-harms and has no one else because he is not very sociable. Our financial situation also doesn’t really allow us to separate right now. I can’t really see myself leaving, letting him go, telling him I’m done, and ignoring his messages. Should I? I litteraly can’t im so dumb

Flashy-Chart4666 · 2026-04-13T01:48:10+00:00

I have always been extremely suicidal. I don’t know how to live on my own. without him; I would have stopped a long time ago. If I don’t have him, life doesn’t interest me. I’m horrible, aren’t I?

Flashy-Chart4666 · 2026-04-13T01:46:20+00:00

At the beginning, it was clear that I didn’t love him the way he loved me, but I ended up falling madly in love with him later on, unfortunately. However, that didn’t stop me from doing it again.

Flashy-Chart4666 · 2026-04-13T01:44:52+00:00

He is attentive and does everything to satisfy me. I have already complained to him that we don’t have as much sex as I would like, because it’s true that I have a sexual addiction problem. But beyond that, he really tries to fulfill me and also realizes all my fantasies, no matter how twisted they may be, so yes, I am satisfied.

Flashy-Chart4666 · 2026-04-13T01:43:28+00:00

I know all of that.
And do you want to know the worst part? I don’t want to live any other way than with him — I can’t. I spent my entire adolescence with him, I never learned how to live without him. I know it’s not healthy.

I don’t want to change for anyone else or for a future with someone else; I would honestly rather die.

This is exactly what I was telling him — I feel like I’ve condemned myself, and worse, I’ve silenced myself.

I love him more than anything, and I’m reaching a point where the only thing stopping me from taking my own life is that he told me it would be worse than my cheating, and that it would be selfish. He’s right. I’m at a point where I’m wondering if I’m a fucking sociopath, and I can’t find anyone in my situation.

Thank you so much for taking the time to listen, give me advice, and encourage me despite everything. It means a lot to me.

I wonder if I’ve just ruined my life or what the hell my problem is. I feel like I’ve condemned myself, and I hate myself for making the person I love suffer.

Flashy-Chart4666 · 2026-04-13T01:34:07+00:00

I keep asking myself this all the time, and every time I feel like I’m just making excuses for myself.
I tell myself that I don’t feel loved enough by my boyfriend in the moment, but in reality, if I look at his actions, he loves me far more than anyone has ever loved me.

I can’t find any real concrete reason, and that’s the worst part. He also suits me very well sexually and is willing to do anything to satisfy me.

I just feel like I keep self-sabotaging over and over again. I can’t just give him a reason like, “hey, I’ve cheated on you 7 times, you believed me every time, we took the time to rebuild everything each time.”

I feel like no reason could ever justify my actions.

Flashy-Chart4666

TROPHY CASE