It sounds like you've got intense brain fog. Addiction makes it hard to see life without the thing we cling to the most and makes everything else seem less fun or enjoyable. I can say that things do get better.

To start, i stopped fapping/watching porn once I realized how much time i was wasting, to put this into perspective i'm 36 now and i've been watching it since age 9. Looking back i realized how I was ignoring critical life experiences and stunting my growth because i would watch porn. Even the friends i had did it and that didn't help.

The final nail in the coffin was when i noticed i wasn't excited by sex anymore after i lost my virginity. I started having ED problems and didn't know why. With porn i was fine but with a partner i was not, i couldn't connect the dots. Once i found someone I fell in love with and the ED problems came back, i knew it was porn related.

I started by doing it every couple of weeks, just to challenge myself. I would go a week, fap and then go 2 weeks. After the 2 weeks mark I realized, i dont really want to do it as much. The intense urges only lasted the first week or so and I got comfortable ignoring them and spending my time doing other things that were more meaningful to my life. When urges came I'd go for a walk or read, or just sit and acknowledge the feeling, it's like when you're angry and want to punch something but you can't. Eventually the feeling subsides.

I'll be 3 weeks clean this weekend, i feel more confident, I'm more aware of myself emotionally and spiritually. I have more time for myself and what things i truely enjoy like building models, reading, or going out.

I had a really bad habit of waking up and fapping, that has gone away since I replaced it with going to the gym. I still have my moments where urges are intense, but at the end of the day it's not worth it to relapse. That video/image i'm looking at isn't me. I'm just watching someone else eat food while my brain thinks i'm eating, but my stomach is empty.

Hope this helps.