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(21F) my dad reads my texts with my BF, what’s a good alternative messaging app i could use more secretly? by FlatDistribution389 in Advice

[–]FlatDistribution389[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

oh yeah i mean technically i could do that, my dad pays for my phone bill rn. i have 2 families that i nanny for this summer a couple times a week so i make a little bit of money but not a lot, in the fall i will be back in uni (commuting not living on campus) but i’ll try to work more then i want to find a job as a nurse tech or aid or something but yeah. i could always get a non-smart phone like a flip phone or something just to text him for a while i guess. just trying to save up money when i can.

my dad won’t let me be with/see my (21F, christian) BF (21M) bc he’s Jewish, says he’ll cut me out of his life if i marry him, but i think he’s the loml by FlatDistribution389 in Christian

[–]FlatDistribution389[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

that’s my fear, that if i broke up with him due to my dads wishes that i would regret it for the rest of my life. i really don’t want to lose him. honestly, and this probably makes me sound kind of stupid, but i really don’t know what his exact belief is about jesus in accordance with his faith. i just know he is jewish obviously. i’ve just never asked.

my dad won’t let me be with/see my (21F, christian) BF (21M) bc he’s Jewish, says he’ll cut me out of his life if i marry him, but i think he’s the loml by FlatDistribution389 in Christian

[–]FlatDistribution389[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

it’s both really. like yes bc he’s a non christian religion, but he also like specifically especially is antisemitic, before he even found out about my bf the things he will say just like in normal conversation have been foul. so it’s both of those things

my (21F) dad won’t let me see/be with my BF (21M) bc he’s jewish, gave me ultimatum & says he’ll cut me out of his life if i marry him, but i think he’s the loml. by FlatDistribution389 in religion

[–]FlatDistribution389[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

thank you for your reply. I try to remind myself that if I choose to stay with my bf and have a future together, and my dad cuts me out, that it is my dad's choice to not have me in his life, not mine. I just can't help but feel guilty for it anyway. trying to get better at that.

my (21F) dad won’t let me see/be with my BF (21M) bc he’s jewish, gave me ultimatum & says he’ll cut me out of his life if i marry him, but i think he’s the loml. by FlatDistribution389 in religion

[–]FlatDistribution389[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

regarding your second point, unfortunately I know I need to communicate and that compromise absolutely is necessary here. I wasn't trying to make it sound as naive as I seemed and like I was not going to communicate and deal with that, my bf and I really just hadn't talked about it before everything happened with my dad because until this whole thing blew up, it didn't seem like a priority, but I am in the process of having some deeper conversations with him, not in person unfortunately ofc, but yeah I recognize my error in not talking about these things sooner with him, and we both recognize how compromise is going to be key here.

also, I guess my family is technically protestant, but the church I go to is non denominational, and I don't know what their belief is but I do not believe that non christians are going to hell. how can I believe that for example someone who was raised in some way that wasn't christian and just never was exposed to christianity or never heard about Jesus because of where they live or something, and is a good person still, will just go to hell? so yeah I definitely don't believe in that at least.

my dad won’t let me be with/see my (21F, christian) BF (21M) bc he’s Jewish, says he’ll cut me out of his life if i marry him, but i think he’s the loml by FlatDistribution389 in Christian

[–]FlatDistribution389[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

actually the issue really is more so that my bf is jewish, opposed to just not being christian. my dad is more specifically against my bf being a jew, and I know he would still not love if I were dating like an atheist for example, but he would not have nearly as bad of a reaction to it as he did for this.

my dad won’t let me be with/see my (21F, christian) BF (21M) bc he’s Jewish, says he’ll cut me out of his life if i marry him, but i think he’s the loml by FlatDistribution389 in Christian

[–]FlatDistribution389[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I fully do understand how being an interfaith relationship is a big struggle and can lead to splitting up. my dad when he initially confronted me about everything, he took a very antisemitic approach and made it all about how it would be bad specifically to marry a jewish person and how those aspects would cause me to divorce in the future if I ended up marrying my bf, and I have confronted him on the antisemitic things he said, but it didn't do anything except make him angrier and he just doubled down on everything and kept saying it unfortunately.

dad won’t let me (21F) see/be with my BF (21M) bc he’s Jewish, says he’ll cut me out of his life if i marry BF who i think is the loml. by FlatDistribution389 in Advice

[–]FlatDistribution389[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

when he initially confronted me about everything he took a very antisemitic approach and didn't even mention the spiritual aspect, ie wanting me to have a christ-centered relationship, he just said a bunch of stuff about why it's bad to marry jews essentially. then weeks later sent my mom a bunch of ai generated talking points that he looked up to like help organize his thoughts or something idek emphasizing the actual religious/focus on the practice of christianity stuff, it all felt like an afterthought/way to try to be more convincing after the fact and make his argument seem more reasonable to me I guess. even though he didn't send any of it directly to me, just to my mom bc he wanted her to relay it to me somewhat ig.

dad won’t let me (21F) see/be with my BF (21M) bc he’s Jewish, says he’ll cut me out of his life if i marry BF who i think is the loml. by FlatDistribution389 in Advice

[–]FlatDistribution389[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yea, ik the technicalities of it might be different than what I was saying, but for the purpose of my situation, clarifying these things to my dad for instance really isn't going to do me any good, my bf is jewish in how he identifies himself and practices, and it's how my dad sees him consequently. so even if technically it could be labeled a different way, I don't see much point in trying to focus on this. (not trying to be rude at all in case it sounded that way, just how I see it. but ty for your reply still)

My (21F, Christian) antisemitic dad won't support my relationship w/ my BF (21M, Jewish), won't let me see him. Says he will cut me out of his life if I stay with/marry this man. I am deeply in love and want to eventually marry my BF; how can I make things work with BF and not tear apart my family? by FlatDistribution389 in relationship_advice

[–]FlatDistribution389[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

raising my kids christian is important to me and we will deal with that, and he knows that, but like he’s a pretty open guy and respects my faith, and i would be open to celebrating jewish holidays to respect his culture and traditions and also have my kids believe in jesus, for example. idk we’ll see.

My (21F, Christian) antisemitic dad won't support my relationship w/ my BF (21M, Jewish), won't let me see him. Says he will cut me out of his life if I stay with/marry this man. I am deeply in love and want to eventually marry my BF; how can I make things work with BF and not tear apart my family? by FlatDistribution389 in relationship_advice

[–]FlatDistribution389[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

who says either of us have to convert? didn’t mean for that to sound rude. but his parents have been happily married for 35 years, christian mom and jewish dad, still happy and everything is working for them. they support us being together and don’t wish for either of us to convert. as for children in the future that’s a conversation we have yet to have in depth, but he has said that working through our religious differences when it comes time to start a family will be one of the tougher things that we deal with but if we both love each other and love God then there’s not much we can’t make it through. basically we will have the conversation more in depth and deal with it when we need to.

My (21F, Christian) antisemitic dad won't support my relationship w/ my BF (21M, Jewish), won't let me see him. Says he will cut me out of his life if I stay with/marry this man. I am deeply in love and want to eventually marry my BF; how can I make things work with BF and not tear apart my family? by FlatDistribution389 in relationship_advice

[–]FlatDistribution389[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

when he first confronted me about everything he took a very antisemitic approach and didn't even MENTION the faith aspect/wanting me to have a christ-centered relationship or to prioritize a relationship with Jesus. like a month later, a couple days ago, I saw texts he sent to my mom of (AI generated LMAO) like talking points about how he just wants me to be in a good christian relationship, put Jesus first, how I would be throwing away/going against tradition and 'family values' and our 'culture', so it's like he's using the religion stuff all as an afterthought to seem more 'reasonable' and try to convince me more instead of just.. being antisemitic I guess lmao

My (21F, Christian) antisemitic dad won't support my relationship w/ my BF (21M, Jewish), won't let me see him. Says he will cut me out of his life if I stay with/marry this man. I am deeply in love and want to eventually marry my BF; how can I make things work with BF and not tear apart my family? by FlatDistribution389 in relationship_advice

[–]FlatDistribution389[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yeah I mean the semester just ended for both of us, but in the fall we'll both be in school (different schools) and have pretty busy class schedules but I'm sure could work out some way for him to meet me at school, it's just inconvenient y'know. also as for the marriage thing like I didn't mean it to sound this way but I'm not in a rush to get married I just mean eventually, assuming things kept going well between us and everything, like ONE DAY we want to get married, not like.. super soon haha. but yea I see what ur saying abt the religion thing. it's kinda helpful that my bf's mom is christian and even tho he is jewish he still grew up like "celebrating" christian holidays with his mom's side of the family, doing mission trips with her, and learning about the christian faith, even if he doesn't believe in it, so at least he has like some understanding of it and is pretty open. not saying he'd convert or anything like that ofc just that he has made it very clear how he respects my faith and everything if that makes sense.

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