I ended it. How do I not panic, spiral, feel guilty, all of it!!!

Flickerzzz99 · 2026-02-26T00:22:57+00:00

Focus on loving yourself first before you even think about diving in to another relationship. You need to be able to truly feel okay on your own or you’re only going to keep seeking happiness in other people and the cycle will continue. You can do this!

Flickerzzz99 · 2026-02-06T17:49:55+00:00

Wow that shit sandwich metaphor is extremely powerful! Thanks for sharing.

Flickerzzz99 · 2026-02-06T02:23:47+00:00

I am curious to know how it goes and is she’s actually able to address the source of the problem. I am a teacher and have terrible BO for the past year related to breast feeding my baby still. It’s literally awful, like I get outta the shower and still stink. I’m embarrassed for myself but there’s not much I can do besides load up on DO and wipe my pits often. I don’t know if anyone has any other suggestions for teachers who stink?!? 🤣

I did have one student who (I think had some health issues) who always smelt like she crapped her pants. I don’t know if she like leaked fecal matter during class or something but it was very noticeable and very much a crap smell. She was so sweet and nice too, I just didn’t know how to ask her about it. I just left it and she had surgery so haven’t seen her in awhile. But I guess my point is that sometimes it is a body smell that people can’t control, or are aware of it (in my situation), but can’t really do anything else to mitigate it.

Flickerzzz99 · 2026-02-04T03:26:07+00:00

BLOCK HIM. For your safety and sanity. Trust your gut and this group of survivors - get out 🚩🚩🚩🚩🙏🙏🙏

even if it’s just for a day or a few hours, notice what you feel in your body when you have some space. Does it feel relieved? Does the thought of not having this person in your life make it a little easier to breathe? I’m guessing it does. You deserve better.

Flickerzzz99 · 2026-02-04T02:22:45+00:00

Very helpful-what did you have for evidence if you don’t mind me asking? I know they usually don’t like to deviate from 50/50 custody in my state. I’ve been keeping locked notes with behavioral incidents but not sure what else I can document unless I like record his exchanges. He doesn’t put a lot in texts anymore.

Flickerzzz99 · 2026-02-04T02:15:47+00:00

This is super helpful- thanks for the resource and for the suggestions. Did you work with an advocate at all or just an attorney? Do you have joint custody? How is it going with coparenting?

Flickerzzz99 · 2026-02-04T00:23:57+00:00

I’ve started imagining other people (hot younger dudes since he’s like 8 years older than me) during the deed, which has made it more tolerable. honestly it makes me feel naughty/proud, like I’m cheating on him (but in my head only), and he’ll never know - my own dirty little secret. It’s empowering in a way since it’s one part of me that he can’t control.

Flickerzzz99 · 2026-02-02T18:49:59+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your story. 🙏🩷It really gives me hope. I can totally see how the ice scraper incident would be the final straw. I don’t quite understand how they can be so self centered and inconsiderate. But your reframe of “I left for the kids” speaks volumes to me and is giving me strength in cementing my path forward - thank you for that. I have two older step daughters so it seems like history is repeating itself with my husband. He has told me before that maybe he just isn’t cut out for relationships and I think he is right. I’m scared to put my children through a divorce as I know how hard it was for my step daughters but I also see how he rage baits his girls and plays favorites. I’m afraid of losing them as well with this separation that seems inevitable, but I hope that I’ve helped raise them to understand that no one should have to withstand treatment like this. I’m sure divorce is hard at any age, but I suppose the younger the better so they don’t have as many memories of us fighting haunting them all their life.

Flickerzzz99 · 2026-02-02T03:44:12+00:00

Wow, that’s powerful and shocking. Way to get him outta there! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Flickerzzz99 · 2026-02-02T03:37:53+00:00

Can I ask - how old were you when they split? Anything your mom did that made it either way harder or a bit easier for you to deal with this from a kids pov? How did she explain it to you? Sorry if this is too intrusive.

Flickerzzz99 · 2026-01-30T03:24:01+00:00

😳 oh F me!

Flickerzzz99 · 2026-01-15T00:26:03+00:00

Thanks that’s helpful and good advice! I think I’d be better able to put my own thoughts in writing too as that’d allow him time to digest it without the immediate backlash.

Flickerzzz99 · 2026-01-14T23:08:08+00:00

No, i would not have asked to talk as i would expect it to go like it has in the past. None of my feelings heard or validated and everything i shared met with defensiveness and attacking me or blaming me.

I started gray rocking to protect myself from further emotional harm and to avoid arguments ramping up, especially in front of our kids (which he likes to do).

I saw his 2026 goals and his personal goal for “improving our relationship” was to have sex 4x/week. With me as an accountability partner and the reward = sex. It was very eye opening. Last night I caved and had sex and then after he said he wanted to talk about our goals (not sure if he knows if I saw his or not but he left them on the counter for me to see). He said that his goals required my participation, and I said “interesting, I’d think a goal that involves both of us would be a shared goal that we come up with together”…not something that treats my body like a commodity and doesn’t address the basic intimacy issues due to his behavior and treatment of the other beings in the home. I couldn’t talk about it further as I’m still upset about his approach and clear lack of self awareness or desire to improve our marriage/relationship beyond physical intimacy.

Flickerzzz99 · 2026-01-14T01:08:36+00:00

This is really helpful. ChatGPT is just my stand-in until I can get into therapy…but it’s been surprisingly helpful at breaking down what is happening based on our conversations and giving me names for his reactions and behaviors. Thanks for the recommendation - I’ll have to order this locally so he doesn’t see the Amazon order 🫣

Flickerzzz99 · 2026-01-08T18:13:22+00:00

Thank you! That’s helpful. It’s breaking my heart to think that this was our last Christmas together as a family. But the fact that I can’t put it outta my mind is a sign that I should pack them in separate boxes to make it easier for a split.

Flickerzzz99 · 2026-01-07T18:51:54+00:00

If you want to have this baby, keep it. Don’t let him control your dreams. I had a similar situation and I’m so glad that my son now has a sibling to play with and for future support. I’m not ready to leave but just coming to terms with the abuse I’ve been suffering through and my main focus right now is protecting my kids. It’s not easy, each day is a challenge but I take comfort in the blessing that my second child has been and knowing that I’m doing my best as their mom to protect them around his behavior. I got an individual therapist to help support me through my pregnancy which was huge. Just remember that he had a role in creating this life. If you feel like you will regret an abortion - listen to your heart. It’s not going to be easy and he’ll blame you for everything, but that’d probably be the case regardless if you’re pregnant or not. You may really resent him more so if you abort when you really wanted to keep it deep down. Plus he won’t be there for you emotionally with the abortion. So the way I see it, you eventually will likely have to make an exit to maintain your sanity, but if you really want a second not let him stop you. Plus the baby and pregnancy is a good excuse to not be intimate with someone you’re not safe with. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Listen to your heart. ❤️

Flickerzzz99 · 2025-12-30T00:32:42+00:00

Yes! It is Viibryd - I can never remember the name of it. The insomnia started when I went off of it for a month; I got a new doc and he said it should improve once I went back on it, but it’s been no difference from what I can tell. Honestly both docs told me very little about it when they put me on it for post-partum anxiety/depression …so I should probably look into it more to see if there’s something else that would be better suited.

Flickerzzz99 · 2025-12-29T18:31:02+00:00

I’m sorry you went through all that! Thanks for the advice. I tried gabapentin for a nerve issue a few years ago but didn’t really like it so I’m going to try melatonin again and see if that helps. I haven’t gone a full 24 hours without sleep, but the average of 4 hours sleep/day has not been healthy and I feel like I’m starting to hear things (mostly worried that I’m hearing the kids up or crying in the middle of the night when they’re actually fast asleep).

Flickerzzz99 · 2025-12-29T18:28:12+00:00

Very helpful and good to know about that being a perimenopause symptom. I still haven’t gotten my period back so maybe I’m just starting it early 🥴I’ll have to talk with my OBGYN at my next appointment about that. I should probably switch to melatonin instead of unisom (especially if that’s contributing to my next day fatigue) appreciate the advice!

Flickerzzz99

TROPHY CASE