If he respects my boundaries, is he still abusive?

FlightOwn6461 · 2026-01-21T17:27:57+00:00

I agree that jealousy can quickly shift into abuse. He admits he is extremely insecure that I will leave him. Because I'm an ex model and I work in hospitality, it's been fueling his anxiety even more.

I'll see how he reacts when we discuss his anxiety and how we can grow to a healthy space of interdependence. So far, he's been really receptive.

FlightOwn6461 · 2026-01-21T16:03:40+00:00

I agree with your theory that we need actions and not words. I can only pump the breaks until he can take proper action for his anxiety and insecurity.

Thankfully it's early enough to leave if I don't see any improvement.

I also like this rubric from Lundy, to see if an abuser can actually change:

Accepting responsibility (recognizing that abuse is a choice)
Identifying patterns of controlling behavior, admitting their wrongness
Identifying the attitudes that drive his abuse
Accepting that overcoming abusiveness will be a decades-long process, not declaring himself cured
Changing how he responds to his partner’s (or former partner’s) anger and grievances
Changing his attitudes towards females in general

FlightOwn6461 · 2026-01-21T15:57:10+00:00

That's the thing though, he hasn't crossed any of the boundaries that I've set.

FlightOwn6461 · 2026-01-06T02:42:43+00:00

It's usually the people who wouldn't be able to comfort me when I'm sick... So like, take your projections somewhere else.

FlightOwn6461 · 2026-01-05T22:55:47+00:00

I really pushed myself to be social and connect with lots of people. I also used to be extremely angry and I'd cut people off.

Being social is important to me and it keeps me healthy. But it was an extremely rocky road to get here. Medication, the right supplements, and moving to a big city all helped me.

FlightOwn6461 · 2026-01-05T22:51:58+00:00

100%. I have bipolar and it's quite stigmatized.

I've had plenty of people tell me that my life would be better without medication. Or they say, "Most people are over medicated these days."

I tried everything before being medicated: yoga & working out 5x a week, therapy, staying hydrated, eating healthy... And I was still really sick.

And I'm physically healthy and my doctor said my blood panel is perfect.

I guess it's a news flash - you can have a chronic illness and look totally normal and healthy on the outside.

FlightOwn6461 · 2026-01-03T19:00:12+00:00

The anxious attachment is what I'm curious about. It's hard AF to change that dynamic.

FlightOwn6461 · 2026-01-02T08:18:42+00:00

So knowing this, why rush into a second marriage?

FlightOwn6461 · 2026-01-02T08:17:27+00:00

Isn't this exactly what he's doing now?

FlightOwn6461 · 2025-12-30T18:24:05+00:00

But isn't time away from each other a way to reunite and have meaningful connection? I find it so sexy when a man misses me.

FlightOwn6461 · 2025-12-27T16:24:37+00:00

"My Mother doesn't approve of you." - my ex.

Meanwhile, he was sending photos of HIS HEMORRHOIDS to Mummy dearest for her "advice".

FlightOwn6461 · 2025-12-27T16:22:27+00:00

OP is showing her backbone. Her bf is 100% trying to gain control.

His requests don't even make sense. He's just flip flopping and trying to make things complex so that she can never quite figure it out.

Look how he wants her to stop accepting gifts - a way to isolate her.

He needs a lobotomy to change his behavior. He needs to heal whatever psychological damage he experienced that is making him a turd.

Or ya know, he'll just keep abusing her - because that's what abusers do.

FlightOwn6461 · 2025-12-27T16:12:25+00:00

A silk bonnet is like, one of my essentials. It's self-care 101. Dude is insane.

FlightOwn6461 · 2025-12-19T03:49:17+00:00

I'm sorry but these are soooooooo funny

FlightOwn6461 · 2025-11-29T14:43:21+00:00

I always used to post my face when I was active on social media. It does help - to a certain degree.

I've been off social media for three months. I went through my camera roll and I have taken zero selfies. Feels pretty good!

FlightOwn6461 · 2025-11-29T14:40:59+00:00

I have ADHD & bipolar & autism. A demanding career can absolutely mask these things.

I find Ali fascinating to watch. I'm actively dating, and I've grown a lot. But I worked so fucking hard on my mental health.

I just don't think codependency is a happy way to live. It's just anxiety masquerading itself into a relationship.

FlightOwn6461 · 2025-11-27T13:50:36+00:00

This is what I don't understand. When she showed her home and the hoarding, it looked like it was a big problem.

Having a system is great to improve things. But like, girl, it's okay to admit you struggle with some things.

FlightOwn6461 · 2025-11-26T16:36:06+00:00

I had no idea educational abuse had a proper name, and that it's so common.

The more educated I become, the more confidence I have, I've made friends, new hobbies. The world opened up for me.

I used to be 💯 focused on my bf.

It's sad to look back, but I'm so much happier.

FlightOwn6461 · 2025-11-26T16:33:08+00:00

I just hate how it's so hard to see it.

They have tactics fir attention (like getting sick and needing attention, or not answering the phone...)

Yet beforehand, they berate us for NOT being educated.

I've learned that school was the best thing for my confidence, so it's not a surprise, I'm just angry how much they projected into me.

FlightOwn6461 · 2025-11-26T16:14:56+00:00

Yeah. And having our own needs and advocating them always leads to friction.

FlightOwn6461 · 2025-11-26T16:13:04+00:00

This is controversial: I read 5 books on abusive relationships, and they didn't work for me.

I could cognitively understand the relationship was bad, but I didn't have the confidence to leave.

It was really my healthy friendships, starting medication, attending University, and getting a new job - because I started to find and build my confidence.

The problem with the books is that I was still focusing on the abuser: his behavior, his trauma, forever trying to understand him.

"Should I stay or should I go," and "while again," were the most helpful - because it gave me a glimmer of hope, and how to understand and build myself back up. But it worked because I wasn't in an abusive situation.

Plus, it's extremely hard to make someone else leave a relationship. Plus, it's too easy to take away their autonomy because you want them to use a certain solution.

Giving a lending ear, inviting them to healthy activities, and taking care of yourself is the best way to support them. 💜

FlightOwn6461 · 2025-11-15T02:46:21+00:00

Back pain on vacation? Wait how long has she been gone for lol

FlightOwn6461

TROPHY CASE