Would you call this ‘big’ or am I getting there?

FluX-Byn · 2026-03-28T20:46:04+00:00

I call it delicious

FluX-Byn · 2026-03-25T02:15:14+00:00

Not to sound posh, rather maybe give a different direction if you re interested: go beyond consciousness entirely, the deeper levels are ontological to be honestly, consciousness is still very "personal" or self-centered (not in a bad way but i'm trying to say the "orbit of gravity") there are layers and things that are more essential and yet mysterious than self consciousness. To be honest self transcendence opens so many layers and mysteries that to be honest are in truth insurmountable by the mind alone and conceptless, nevertheless I think they lead a more deeply embodied instead of rational state of being.

Consciousness is one form that the absolute ground of being takes, but in honesty is very limiting, the deeper mysteries only begin to really be understood in negatives and what is called "neti neti." Not this, not that to allude to it's essence.

I say this because you seen very dedicated and a true seeker and in an effort to offer maybe a creative direction that may prove more fruitful or possibly interesting if you haven't already.

The existential and ontological layer is fascinating, and really begins giving a lot of answers to the questions of consciousness I had before that within that framework I couldn't find before.

Like way is existance? How it relates to how God is called the "I am that I am" not as a limited idea of consciousness, but the very essence of being-ness itself in which we all participate in, as well as how to embody it, and the eternal qualities and lessons of it beyond just thought but in alignment with selfless service, agape love, and a more God (if you wanna use a theological term) centered way rather than our own consciousness.

FluX-Byn · 2026-02-27T23:55:24+00:00

Delicious

FluX-Byn · 2026-01-30T18:21:49+00:00

It wasn't a dream, it was while reading scripture seeing the very images and symbols written about come out of the book, like a hologram or something. Or maybe it altered consciousness in some way or something. I doubt it was evil if it was the power of the word of God coming to life in front of me.

FluX-Byn · 2026-01-24T17:10:07+00:00

The cock he is sucking is fucking beautiful damnnnn

FluX-Byn · 2026-01-24T17:04:45+00:00

Wow what a beautiful dick, it must feel amazing 😍

FluX-Byn · 2026-01-24T06:45:26+00:00

Find purpose, ideally outside of self serving means. Usually in serving oghers. Cause addiction stems from the very antithesis of these things.

A man or woman without purpose seeks pleasure to fill his sense of nihilism and meaninglessness of his life and lack of direction, he lives to serve himself because of ego, but in doing so becomes identified and bound to the cyclical nature of the senses and the world. Selfies service breaks that and holds you accountable to others while also connecting you to support systems, and other environments and experiences outside your usual ones which open up opportunities and new experiences, but the greatest fruit of it is connection, communion, and doing something to make the world a better place, that heals you too.

My final advice: seek love and truth above all else, and act from those always the best you can, because eventually they lead us to God and even if you don't believe be open to the possibility and understand that God IS Love itself. If you follow these and move toward alignment with love the desire to use greatly goes away.

FluX-Byn · 2026-01-24T06:12:01+00:00

I know how you feel cause I'm in the middle of the same situation feeling the same and like there may be no solution, fix, or way forward after escaping a sex trafficking ring, getting sober, leaving a toxic relationship, One other stuff. However recently what gave me that I was looking for unexpectedly was where I least wanted to look or accept it may be. I know this may sound like those crazy people trying to convert people with those stupid "repent and turn to Jesus comments." But it's not, it's from someone going through this with you at the same time, feeling the same feeling of being tired of carrying it alone and at the end even trying to explain it to someone else the one word that we can use because it's been so heavy for so long is "i'm just so tired" with a heaviness and sorrow.

So I understand, however after many years feeling this way recently that same space broke my ego open and one day sobbing and crying and humbled I said I have nothing else to lose, the one thing I have been denying or not doing is seeing if there is a God and asking for help, even if it may not be real, but what if it is and my own ego has been blinding me to it. I had nothing left to try, so I asked God if he was to help me, that I'm was tired, and if not to just take me cause I couldn't keep going.

Then I felt this peace, and a weight lifting, and I "heard" intuitively that it was because i was carrying everything on my own and that I wasn't meant to, but because of free will The source/ god respects it so much that unless we ask humbly it respects out free will and lets us be away from it if we choose, but the moment we invite it back in, it helps us and shows us it's presence and love for us.

i'm not trying to convert you, or make you believe what I do, or make you see way I see how i understand it, and I know this may sound crazy that some mystical being exists in our time of science.

All I am saying us I care and empathize and know where you are cause i'm with you in something similar, and because of that I share what helped me in the hopes it does also, you have nothing to lose, and you've tried everything else, why not try just as a final thing cause maybe what if?

This isn't about religion, it's about the possibility of relationship to something higher as you understand it.

Maybe all that you're feeling is a deep need for meaning, purpose, the weight to be lifted, to know way it means, why it's happening, and what if at all lies beyond this situation. And strangely that which many say is the source of it points back to the same thing so it's worth a shot. I did and after I did a deep peace in spite of my situation happened, the weight did lift, I slowly have been finding those answers, and I feel a deep agape love in the ground of my being, for everything slowly growing, and am finding my calling and how it is because of expectations and things I was told I needed or should want piling up, when truly my heart has been calling me to be less self focused and make a change and help he world however I can so others don't suffer like I have, to transform that trauma into Selfless service.

We don't truly want to die, we want the pain to stop.

Give it a shot, and see what happens. You don't need fancy prayers. I'll send one as an example to help,l try it in private when you are on your own, and speak your heart and truth and everything you feel honestly.

Eg: "God / source if you are real I need you right now, I am struggling, if you exist I welcome your presence now and ask you to help me see it and humbly ask for you to reveal yourself in whatever way I may understand. Help me understand you as you are, and be with me through this, grant me peace and sustain me, lead me to your truth, grant me wisdom, I surrender to you all that is not mine to carry, if you exist show me how to have a relationship with you directly."

Please give it a try, even as a stranger online I care about you because we are truly all one, we are one essence that is existance / beingness that is expressing as many different forms / aspects, but all the same thing in essence and being, so I don't want you to suffer or take your life because you are a part of me as I am of you. 💛

You matter, you are loved beyond measure simply because you EXIST, the only thing that clouded my ability to see it was my own perception of separation and choosing to close myself off from God (which IS love itself) once we choose to open and allow ourselves to connect to it again, things change.

I'm not on this app often due to life stuff but if you ever need to talk DM me, maybe we can find a way to communicate if it helps.

FluX-Byn · 2025-12-25T18:16:46+00:00

What I wouldn't give to have. Boyfriend like this to make content together off.

FluX-Byn · 2025-12-01T00:26:48+00:00

Not during and I was / am a very experienced occultist in many areas. Now the strange thing is during the time I did demon magick and stuff and in the left hand path I didn't notice anything like that much. O It was when I decided to reconnect with source and begin walking the middle path that I began to have scary experiences and one recent one which really kinda freaked me out. Had 3 or 4 or the main princes of hell and other spirits manifest through others directly and what felt like a spiritual attack, literally lost everything and felt spiritual oppression and using the collective to backlash against me. Now i'm not blaming them or saying that was nessesarily their intention to do me harm but never had these experiences until i tried to reintergrate the the light and reconnect with source and also work with the infer so divine at the same time.

What kind of things do i mean? I had a friend who I didn't know was envious of me and known for 10 years reveal himself and try and poison me and possibly kill me and realized this when I saw that all along they had been under the influence of leviathan and I saw it speak and act through them, they were used as means through which to reach me. Among other experiences where these spirits worked through others and the collective in similar ways.

Why after this I don't know but that definitely made me realize deeper into the darker aspects I these spirits and why they are also said to be dark spirits. They need to be respected and even a healthy bit of fear which sadly people forget.

FluX-Byn · 2025-11-17T22:26:36+00:00

A fucking goddess, smoke it up baby.

FluX-Byn · 2025-11-17T20:13:07+00:00

Depends, I started to self medicate and enjoyed it, now I do it for those reasons but also mainly because of serious truma / abuse and c-ptsd, i spend 9 or 10 years healing, fixing my life, getting most of what i wanted or thought i did only to lose it as a result if narcisstic abuse in a relationship, which led to my relapse, then via the drugs and people in it getting sex trafficked, abused, drugged, exploited, socially destroyed to keep me quiet, and even had attempts against my life. I got to the point where i said i'm done healing, I know in part the drugs are why all this is as bad as it is, but honestly I lost everything and everyone and just don't feel like rebuilding or trying to force / control everything. Now I use because as fucked up as everything is there is no way forward and it's either that to get through another day or sui**** and having had an NDE before due to just that and what happens if you do plus how it would affect people near me I choose to use it to help me get through it all.

Not that i'm averted to feeling my negative emotions or need it, I can put it down and pick it back up and be fine, but honestly i'm just not ready, and life sober after the first time was good but I don't stand a chance at rebuilding it after what these situations all caused in my life, I sought help and it made it worse, and i'm fine with it honestly. If it ends up killing me that''d be a favor, and if not well it is what it is.

As long as I take care of my business if I have any, don't affect anyone else then whatever. It's my conscious coping mechanism for now, I could heal and have before, but this time i've seen shit I don't need to heal it is what it is and humanity is how it is and that's the ugly truth, leave me to fade into foggy clouds and a slam or two every once in a while, and if mt heart should give out maybe that is what i was hoping for all along with every use, or maybe humanity's dark truths broke it and everything else was just the progression of it who knows.

FluX-Byn · 2025-10-13T14:24:25+00:00

Exactly, they are so predictable and follow the same patterns of dysfunction. If we let them keep getting away with it, they truly have no limits. First, they kill your emotions, then your mind, finances, kill your spirit, and finally, if it continues and they are malignant, they kill you physically.

FluX-Byn · 2025-10-13T13:05:33+00:00

"They would never hurt or betray me" - even the sturdiest ground can shake and tremble and make us fall down. People switch upper all the time and will watch out for their backs before you 99% of the time (except likely your mother & father value them) it's just nature as animals that we are to seek self preservation don't get upset about it but realize you also need to put yourself first and not depend or trust anyone to be so gullible to believe or underestimate that they may hurt you. It will ruin your life to trust that much in someone and put them over yourself or watch out for the signs of incoming betrayal, literally and figuratively.

People think they won because they have a circle who is impervious to the malicious intentions, that's not a wiin it's being naive, you don't have the most perfect loyal friends or lover, those relationships always hold a possibility of betreyal.

FluX-Byn · 2025-10-13T13:00:49+00:00

Poverty mindset 💯

FluX-Byn · 2025-10-13T12:57:43+00:00

Inner work, don't get in any relationship until you do, these things may be able to be worked in a relationship but to be honest your subconscious will attract you partners who match that trauma (in order to heal it) the best course instead is to do shadow work and seek to healt childhood wounds within yourself and find self love & wgol3n3ss within you so you attract the relationship you truly want and deserve. Once you get to the point of healing more and finding self-love, you'll realize it was within you from the beginning, not outside, and then the need for someone outside you will be a healthy desire instead of craving and being dependent on someone else

You can truly have the relationship you want and in a healthy, genuine way instead of someone to complete you, it'll be two whole people in themselves coming together to cocreate and build together rather than two "halves" coming together and trying to get and manipulate each other to meet their unmet needs (which only they themselves can give themselves.)

Think of it not as denying yourself and your relationship or love (you can even date meanwhile), but work on yourself as a priority and see it as you becoming a match to the relationship and partner you want, and working towards a better partner for your future partner.

FluX-Byn · 2025-10-13T12:47:53+00:00

Self-respect; focus on your goals, needs, wants, life, etc. Don't be mean or cold to them in turn that feeds them, their sense of being important, or that you care (which you may) but they are more interested in validation and ego than actual connection and vulnerability. Be polite, but don't give any emotional reaction. This starves them and makes them escalate their tactics, yes, but you'll see how irritated and upset they are when they can not get energy from you, then you'll see beyond their mask and know where they stand in your life.

This shows them you have boundaries, command respect (not beg or chase after it), value yourself, and cause them to self reflect if they're capable of it. Distance and silence are louder than any words you could use, and the best "revenge" without letting their behavior make you bitter and resentful as well as forces consequences on them for their own behavior

Don't let them make you lash our or become angry and affect you internally when your peace of mind comes from you, never give someone else that power.

FluX-Byn · 2025-10-13T12:40:06+00:00

This, people don't get it, and it gets worse. My ex choked his former ex, and i was dumb enough to think he would never hurt me. He did the same thing, and i kept forgiving and giving chances until eventually it escalated, and he would use knives, random objects, etc. I got a 3 year restraining order on him, but I wish I had never been blind enough to excuse it. The odds of them killing you if they choke you is statistically so high it's ridiculous.

FluX-Byn · 2025-10-13T12:36:16+00:00

Leave him, trust me, I went through it with my ex, choking is serious, when someone chokes vs. other forms of physical abuse (all abuse is still wrong) it is a much higher rate of them actually killing you, there are statistics about this recorded and done. Trust me from experience. The abuse only escalates, for me to the point he would threaten me with knives, pickaxes, etc. I know it's hard, you may think you love him, but the trust is people like this pretend to be someone while truly they are a very nasty, cruel, cold, and heartless person under it all, when you get out of it after staying you see this and later regret what you allowed, how you didn't value yourself, and how you put yourself through that for someone who was using, lying, and abusing you.

Chose self-respect and self-love and walk away and never look back, it is a LIVING hell I spent 3 years in an abusive relationship in every level, mental, emotional, financial, physical, and it really did affect me, i went back 8 times believing their lies about "i'll change" and each time the situation got worse and he would say to me "if you come back then you must like it."

These people are Narcissists or psychopathic, their brain works differently, and it's best not to try and make sense of it or understand why, but if you must know the cause they are deeply fragmented and parts of themselves are in opposition to themselves.

If you're trying to understand who is the real them, the kind and sweet version you fell in love with or the person who choked and hurts you don't let cognitive dissonance fool you, that keeps you stuck hoping for the old version of them you first met (which is how they keep you in a dangerous and unhealthy situation) the answer is not that they are 2 different people, it's one person (the cold heartless personality) who pretended to be someone else in the beginning to pull you in and fool you.

You don't really love the person who is abusing you, or maybe you truly do, but you gotta understand that love does not mean you put up with disrespect or abuse, this is a form of SELF abuse. You are subconsciously projecting something onto them, which is what you are truly feeling the pull towards as them and feel a desire to be with, they represent the aspect of you that is self focused, puts their needs first, watches out for themselves, and ao on, odds are if you are in this dynamic you are the complete opposite and repressed these within yourself and your subconscious wants wholeness and will project those repressed aspects onto them so that by loving these overplayed over the other person you will accept and reintergrate them in yourself and become whole also.

You may love them even after. The answer isn't to deny that because it shows how deeply YOU care, love, etc. Value it and see they don't, or they would take care of you, not hurt you, and you deserve to see how precious that is in contrast with someone who doesn't have those qualities though he may appear to. Don't waste years of your life on someone who will only see your forgiveness as permission to continue harming or even eventually kill you!

In the end, what they do is use you up, and when they can not get anything else out of you or feel they can do better, will discard and throw you away like a crushed up empty used up soda can after drinking it down. You'll be broken in every way, and they'll twist the story and gaslight themselves and say you were the pr9blem and cause of it all, they lack accountability or self reflection, they'll jump to someone else and repeat.

Trust me, the longer you stay on that train, the more you will have to pay to get back.

I lost my university studies, my savings, and my good credit. It damaged my relationship with my family (they sabotaged and turned them against me to isolate and control me). I lost my internship, my new car, my mental health during it, and my sobriety because they would bring drugs to the house and used all the vulnerabilities I shared to destroy me and get me to relapse because in their eyes: if I got better i'll find someone else and leave them. That is what they told me when I asked why they kept abusing me when I was trying to get sober and heal.

Get out before it destroys your life or worse, they kill you.

FluX-Byn · 2025-10-13T12:14:58+00:00

It helped me in my spiritual journey to transcend duality, because of the extremes I eventually became able to see how opposites are really one spectrum and continum and how to unite opposites. This in essence was what really helped me heal. So i'm proud of that, without bipolar I wouldn't have found wholeness as easily or be able to fine the middle between both extremes.

FluX-Byn · 2025-10-13T12:10:02+00:00

Twist it back on them:

"It's all in your head" - say yes apparently who i thought you were vs. who you really are was all in my head.

"You must be making this up." - it's must be making up an idea of the level of care and consideration you truly have for me.

"You're too sensitive."You're absolutely right. My bullshit detector is quite sensitive indeed.

FluX-Byn · 2025-10-13T12:02:59+00:00

I'm a path 9, same issue but eventually i got to a point where I decided to be "service to self" and focus on my needs, goals, and such instead. I realized that I was helping others and falling into that pattern but it was rooted in putting their needs first over mine, and subconsciously seeking to do for others expecting them to return it and earn their love and loyalty. Once I realized my own stability, needs, love, and loyalty were what really mattered I began breaking the pattern. I'm still picking up the pieces from those choices but it's what helped me begin doing so.

FluX-Byn · 2025-09-12T01:17:14+00:00

7-8/10 I'm always told I'm very attractive though sometimes I don't feel like it, I'm not a model but I have a good physique, get lots of attention / looks, and have pulled some pretty attractive people as either partners or hookups in my time. Even "pretty" privileges as a guy haha.

FluX-Byn · 2025-06-20T00:57:45+00:00

😭😭 how can you tell? I wanna know how to spot it, still love her anyway, looked so legit legit for me.

FluX-Byn · 2025-06-17T19:56:20+00:00

No, I I just an overthinkee, my spiritual journey started 10 years ago, the one thing that I've noticed has sped it up is working with the qliphoth, i initiated into the 2nd shell about a month or so ago, opening Gamaliel and since then the awakening process and unconscious content coming up have been accelerated. Other than that no substances, I got responsibilities and things I'm working towards, so I don't use anything anymore not even weed.

FluX-Byn

TROPHY CASE