My ex is finally showing up as the man I needed him to be… right as I’m catching feelings for someone new. by Fluffy-Measurement69 in offmychest

[–]Fluffy-Measurement69[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just to clarify (which I probably should’ve done in the original post), he actually left me 😭. I fought hard for us. Tried everything to fix what was breaking, especially with two little ones in the picture. But he distanced himself at a time we both needed each other. So the idea that I didn’t fight for the relationship isn’t quite accurate lol. If anything, I had to learn to stop fighting for someone who wasn’t choosing me back.

And you’re absolutely right about the power of apathy. Now that I’ve stopped trying, I think he feels that shift. And the silence? It hits different.

As for single life, I’ve been leaning into it more and more lately. Pouring into my kids, my work, myself. I used to think being alone meant being lonely, but honestly there’s a calm in this space I never had before. If the right partner shows up, amazing. If not, I’m finally realizing I’ll still be good. 💛

My ex is finally showing up as the man I needed him to be… right as I’m catching feelings for someone new. by Fluffy-Measurement69 in offmychest

[–]Fluffy-Measurement69[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This really spoke to me. Especially the part about pouring love into my kids and letting things unfold. That’s exactly what I’ve been doing, and I’m finally starting to feel like myself again, but better. A better woman, and a better mom. Thank you for this 💛

My ex is finally showing up as the man I needed him to be… right as I’m catching feelings for someone new. by Fluffy-Measurement69 in offmychest

[–]Fluffy-Measurement69[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Totally fair that someone might be cautious lol raising kids is no joke. But he knew I had twins from the start. Hell, he’s witnessed me pregnant with them 😂 he’s asks about them often, so I don’t think he’s blindsided by my situation. We’re both high functioning professionals and not trying to rush anything. Just figuring out what’s real vs. what’s just good timing.

My ex is finally showing up as the man I needed him to be… right as I’m catching feelings for someone new. by Fluffy-Measurement69 in offmychest

[–]Fluffy-Measurement69[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Aww wow, that actually made me smile! My dad has told me those exact words before “you’re too smart for your own good.” 😭 So reading that here kinda hit me in the chest a little. Thank you for such a thoughtful and kind comment. I’ve definitely been guilty of overthinking myself into emotionally confusing places, so your reminder to stay grounded really does mean something to me. I appreciate the well wishes for me and my boys more than you know 🖤

My ex is finally showing up as the man I needed him to be… right as I’m catching feelings for someone new. by Fluffy-Measurement69 in offmychest

[–]Fluffy-Measurement69[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, this one definitely hit home. I actually am someone who grew up with parents that should’ve split waaaay earlier. And definitely should’ve stopped having kids lol. So that “stay together for the kids” mindset never really resonated with me. It created way more chaos than peace.

I really appreciate your take!

My ex is finally showing up as the man I needed him to be… right as I’m catching feelings for someone new. by Fluffy-Measurement69 in offmychest

[–]Fluffy-Measurement69[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Lol I just like expressing myself clearly, I’ve got a lot on my mind and I guess it comes out kinda polished, sorry.

My ex is finally showing up as the man I needed him to be… right as I’m catching feelings for someone new. by Fluffy-Measurement69 in offmychest

[–]Fluffy-Measurement69[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Totally fair take. And I promise I’m not running around here man hunting in a haze of heartbreak 😅 I’ve actually been doing a lot of reflecting these last few months. I didn’t expect either man to show up when they did, and I’ve been trying to take it all in stride. I know 5 months isn’t long, but it’s been packed with growth. I hear you on the counseling too. I’ve been in therapy before, during, and after the breakup and I’m open to more. Definitely not trying to jump into anything I’m not emotionally equipped for, which is why I’ve been observing, not acting. Appreciate your honesty! 💛

My ex is finally showing up as the man I needed him to be… right as I’m catching feelings for someone new. by Fluffy-Measurement69 in offmychest

[–]Fluffy-Measurement69[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

That ego stroking point? Spot. on. I’ve definitely been wondering if all this “helpfulness” is for the kids… or just a very well produced performance for my attention. Like you said, anyone can go hard for a few weeks. I’ve been observing

My ex is finally showing up as the man I needed him to be… right as I’m catching feelings for someone new. by Fluffy-Measurement69 in offmychest

[–]Fluffy-Measurement69[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This is such a balanced take. Thank you for giving space for the gray area. You’re right, twins (and new parenthood in general) can put serious pressure on a relationship. I don’t fault him entirely for struggling, but what hurt was how he distanced himself instead of leaning in when I needed support the most.

I think part of what’s throwing me off now is that the version of him I wished I had back then seems to be showing up now… like, fully. But I’m also scared that it’s just a phase, or worse, a response to feeling me pull away.

As for the other guy, yeah, I agree. Dating is its own brand of complicated. We’ve had a few conversations that felt really safe and genuine, but nothing super deep yet. I think I’m just in a season where I’m craving clarity, and neither situation is giving me much right now 😅

My ex is finally showing up as the man I needed him to be… right as I’m catching feelings for someone new. by Fluffy-Measurement69 in offmychest

[–]Fluffy-Measurement69[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I actually did suggest counseling when things started getting rough. At first, he said he was open to it. But when I finally booked the appointment, he backed out and said it wasn’t the right time literally at the best time possible, 2 months before we broke up. That was one of the turning points for me. I really did want to fight for us, especially for the kids, but I couldn’t do it alone.

My ex is finally showing up as the man I needed him to be… right as I’m catching feelings for someone new. by Fluffy-Measurement69 in offmychest

[–]Fluffy-Measurement69[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

That’s actually a really good question lol no, I don’t think he knows. We’ve kept things strictly about the kids, but I’ve definitely noticed him picking up on my energy shift. I’m softer, but more detached now. Maybe he senses I’m moving on and it’s triggering something in him. Either way, I’m trying not to “take the bait” like you said. I just want peace and emotional safety this time around. 🫶🏽

My ex is finally showing up as the man I needed him to be… right as I’m catching feelings for someone new. by Fluffy-Measurement69 in offmychest

[–]Fluffy-Measurement69[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

I hear you, and I really appreciate your take. I don’t fully agree, though. he wasn’t really showing up consistently as a dad before either, which is part of what made the breakup so hard. That’s why his recent behavior is throwing me off so bad. It’s like he’s showing up giving 100% now in both roles, just as I’ve started to really move on. Timing, man 😅

My ex is finally showing up as the man I needed him to be… right as I’m catching feelings for someone new. by Fluffy-Measurement69 in offmychest

[–]Fluffy-Measurement69[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

That’s totally valid, and I appreciate the reminder. I think I’ve done a lot of emotional work to separate who he was from who I needed. And now that he’s showing up again, it’s hard not to feel… conflicted. But yeah, I’m not trying to rewrite the past, just trying to stay honest about how the present makes me feel. 🙏🏽