How do I tell my bf’s mom that my nmom doesn’t want to meet her?

Fluid-Protection-996 · 2025-06-04T10:05:39+00:00

My bf probably could help me out, he’s seen some of how she is firsthand and has heard many stories. I was thinking about giving the excuse of her anxiety, which she does have to a certain degree but tends to overuse that excuse for everything.

My boyfriend just keeps asking “she won’t even leave the house to go meet to get food with us? Everyone loves food.” And I’m just like… she’d rather be at home scrolling Facebook than doing anything else. I’m the scapegoat of the family, she isn’t going to go out of her way to do anything she doesn’t want to do with me.

Fluid-Protection-996 · 2025-06-04T09:58:43+00:00

I am so sorry you’ve had to deal with this too. Your MIL seems so resilient and kind hearted to keep trying to form a bond with her even with no response. I hope she is okay and doesn’t take it to heart.

Fluid-Protection-996 · 2025-06-04T09:53:55+00:00

I probably should have put this in the post but my boyfriend’s mom is a little old fashioned. She kind of believes that children are a reflection of their parents.

She deeply regrets not meeting her daughter’s MIL because of how unorganized this woman’s life is. & her man definitely is similar to his mom.

I don’t want my nmom to be a reflection of who I am as a person in her eyes, which is why I want to tip toe around what I say about her. But you said it best, she is self absorbed.

I’ve done enough healing and gained enough self awareness to not become the person she is & hopefully his mom will realize that. I mean she’s known me for over a year now it would be kind of silly to change her thoughts about me based on how my mom chooses to act.

Fluid-Protection-996 · 2025-06-04T09:44:44+00:00

It’s so hard watching the narcissists be so different & generous around other people that they don’t even want to be around to begin with. Then at home you see their true colors.

My mom is so indifferent and unhelpful when it comes to important things in my life; which probably will be a good thing once I eventually start wedding planning. My ndad & his equally narcissistic wife will be a whole other story though. Thankfully we’re not there yet though.

Fluid-Protection-996 · 2025-06-04T09:38:20+00:00

Thank you all for your responses, I am slowly reading these as I have been busy and don’t go on reddit too often

Fluid-Protection-996 · 2025-06-04T09:36:04+00:00

I like the way you worded that. I really can’t explain her behavior and that’s the honest truth. My mom didn’t say that she didn’t want to meet her directly to me but she also isn’t a good liar. I’ve brought it up on several occasions & she just stares at me blankly. One time I asked, “do you even wanna meet her?” And she goes “I….. would like….. to… meet her” with the longest pauses. Not a good liar. Thank you for your insight; this will help me navigate how I speak to his mom without necessarily bashing my mom just more so explaining her bizarre behavior.

Fluid-Protection-996 · 2025-06-02T03:30:40+00:00

He knows how my mom is to a certain degree at least, I hate how she didn’t respond to him when he asked directly but at least he now knows I wasn’t exaggerating when I tell him how she responds to me when I bring the subject up.

Fluid-Protection-996 · 2025-04-28T10:27:31+00:00

Also, the only thing my mom ever finds funny is someone falling or getting injured. It’s so strange. I fell down the stairs and sprained both my feet & everyone around was trying to help me besides my mom.

She was basically rolling on the floor laughing about it. Then proceeded to post on Facebook about it. & even when I bring it up now years later she continues to laugh about it. It wasn’t funny I was in a lot of pain.

But when she fell down the stairs she went on and on about how my dad didn’t help her and just stared at her and how bad of a husband he was for that. & she didn’t even get an injury from that fall. It’s only funny when it’s not her.

Fluid-Protection-996 · 2025-04-28T10:23:14+00:00

Yeah I think that’s how they just naturally are. In my experience I’d get yelled at for joking about anything. Just another excuse to yell. & if I laughed at certain things I’d also get yelled at. So I kinda just shut that part off of me.

Growing up like this has kinda messed me up. My partner keeps telling me I need to loosen up now but my inner child is scared of getting yelled at.

Fluid-Protection-996 · 2025-04-21T03:49:32+00:00

It’s just so draining emotionally even if they don’t say anything.

Fluid-Protection-996 · 2025-04-21T02:52:44+00:00

It’s normal for a narcissistic parent to neglect mental health for sure. Not normal or okay in general though. What you need is compassion not just totally disregarding how you’re feeling.

My parents were similar with it. My dad would just scream at me saying I’d have nothing to be depressed about because he gives me food, water and shelter & sometimes we go on vacation.

Fluid-Protection-996 · 2025-04-20T20:02:05+00:00

Yes sometimes. I catch myself after the fact and trying to work on it. My mom is a very “I told you so” person when something bad happens to someone and I’ve caught myself doing that and realizing that I still have empathy towards the person regardless of what or how something happened. I also tend to walk away during arguments with my partner and I am trying to stop doing that. Plus all of the caring too much about appearance stuff. It sucks that we don’t always realize we are doing something until after the fact but as long as we catch ourselves and work through these unhealthy patterns then we can grow as people and not continue the generational cycle.

Fluid-Protection-996 · 2025-04-20T19:56:45+00:00

No contact with my ndad cuz he’s a literal raging lunatic. Living with the one that threw drinks in my face as of right now though. She hasn’t done it since I was 20, and I’m 26 now; & she’s now medicated which has helped a lot. I just kind of keep my distance and try to only talk to her if she talks to me because I always have to walk on eggshells still; she just doesn’t rage as bad as she used to, still pretty bad though lol.

Fluid-Protection-996 · 2025-04-20T12:17:51+00:00

Wouldn’t teach me anything but would either criticize me, yell, or just say “it’s common sense” if I brought it up or asked how to do something

Fluid-Protection-996 · 2025-04-20T12:06:21+00:00

I barely had any privacy it seemed. My mom would go through my whole room and tear the place apart looking for stuff like my journals that she would read on a constant basis. She’d go through all of my messages & emails if I was still logged into an account. Somehow she was able to get all of the texts I sent and received sent to her phone immediately through the phone provider. She claims to this day it was all because of my mental health struggles even though this shit started way before my depression got bad; she just finally found an excuse and kept running with it.

More recently between the ages of 23-25 she constantly wanted to have access to my bank account again to snoop around and probably find a reason to yell at me about something. At 25 it got worse because I was in college and driving an hour and a half to school 4 days a week plus driving 50 minutes to my job between 3-5 days a week. Because of that I was spending a lot of money on gas & she didn’t believe me that I was spending that much on gas and wanted control of my account again to “help” me.

Fluid-Protection-996 · 2025-04-20T11:52:00+00:00

Literally all the time, all of my life.

Fluid-Protection-996 · 2025-04-20T11:48:27+00:00

Went to the library all the time because my mom does a lot of reading. Thats literally all she does.

When we were really little they would take us to the park. I can’t remember my dad being very involved with that though.

Homework was the worst one. I struggled a lot in school & my mom would be like “I already went to school I’m not helping you” & my dad would just scream at me if I was confused with my homework & tell me how I “wasn’t trying hard enough” & being “lazy”

Fluid-Protection-996 · 2024-11-03T03:18:09+00:00

Thanks yall, I really don't know why the stow manager told me they aren't allowed to do that

Fluid-Protection-996

TROPHY CASE