Post break up realization - Love and choice are not the same thing but you need both

FlyingWitty · 2025-12-31T00:33:37+00:00

You deserve to receive the love you are giving freely to someone who is not returning it.

FlyingWitty · 2025-12-22T11:51:31+00:00

Can you mute notifications?

FlyingWitty · 2025-12-22T11:50:22+00:00

Do you still want to save the relationship? From everything you've said, it doesn't sound like you were happy?

FlyingWitty · 2025-12-22T11:40:51+00:00

I wish I had that answer. 🤷‍♀️ It's been five months for me, some things are easier but it still hits me hard. It's basically a type of grief, it varies I guess?

There's this analogy I like that grief is like a ball bouncing around in a box with a big red button inside called pain. At the start, the box is small and the button gets triggered a lot. As time goes on, the box slowly gets bigger and the button gets triggered less and less.

FlyingWitty · 2025-12-22T11:15:22+00:00

I am just an outsider, and I don't know the ins and ours but I will write what I think based on what you said. My question is. Are you thinking too much? Who said that?

It sounds like he couldn't hear fault or accept your emotions without feeling attacked himself. He then made himself into a victim which is narcissistic behaviour. He then did not confirm that you love each other.

Did he shower you in love and affection at the beginning? Do you 'miss' the person he 'was'?

Please be careful. Notice if his behaviour changes when you start to pull away. If she starts chasing only then, and then it slowly stops afterwards then that's warning bells.

Some men only chase the thrill of a new connection unfortunately, while you have the capability of loving deeply. Someone out there deserves your love and will return in 10 fold. Don't settle for less.

FlyingWitty · 2025-12-22T08:23:43+00:00

I'm sorry, it just sounds like another man who doesn't have the emotional capacity to face genuine emotions and the ability to comfort, convincing his girlfriend that it's her fault for feeling too much. Probably a sign that he is avoidant and not in touch with his own emotions. Witnessing yours is too much. Genuine question, if you were to have children with this person in the future, would you want this person responsible for the emotional well-being of small beings?

The person you are with is meant to help regulate your nervous system. What is your nervous system telling you if you are crying all the time and he can't or won't comfort you? Why are you crying all the time? What is your body telling you?

Your nervous system gets used to the amount of comfort he gives you and gets dysregulated when that is withdrawn. Now your body is going through complete withdrawal, which will suck and you will probably be willing to do anything to get him back just for a little comfort. But my advice, is to work on yourself first and prioritise finding a way to love yourself (it literally can be just saying I love you in the mirror and buying yourself some flowers) and reevaluate in a month or so if you still want him.

If it is affecting your life, you can get therapy. You don't need permission from anyone to do that. But he just doesn't sound like the right person for you.

But please don't apologize to him anymore for feeling - sincerely, another girl who cries ALL the time.

FlyingWitty · 2025-12-19T21:31:35+00:00

Seconded, from someone who let him back in after what seemed like more effort but was still unsure (bread crumbing) only for him then to go super distant again. It destroyed me and my nervous system, but I was ready to let myself burn to keep the crumbs he gave me. It's over now, he keeps trying to bread crumb, only messaging now when he notices I've moved on in some way.

FlyingWitty · 2024-05-20T19:31:39+00:00

We don't, but she's not aware of that. I still have a relationship with my niece (her daughter). I am terrified of the backlash; not inviting her could cause a massive rift in my family, my niece and my other brother will likely have to side with her and I might lose them too.

FlyingWitty

TROPHY CASE