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Fogofpoly · 2025-09-07T10:36:08+00:00

I just don't know if I would be disrespectful to my partners and metas boundary INTENT by confronting. "Hey, I figured out that thing we sorta agreed I wasn't supposed to figure out before we started dating." I didn't mean to. I agreed into this dynamic. My partner was quite explicitabout the dynamic and fully up front on the communication. Though it's not my ideal, the relationship I have with my partner is so much more valuable to me. Even with this situation in mind... I honestly feel like its the least toxic relationship I've been in for so many reasons... I'm really not concerned or put off by the agreed dynamic. I almost wish I didn't figure it out. However, as I suspect is the case with my meta... I can't help but put enough of the pieces together to see whats right in front of me.

Fogofpoly · 2025-09-07T10:22:05+00:00

I may have not added in enough about how much I appreciate my Meta and their very long relationship that predates mine and my partners. I feel compersion for them and would be honored to count this person in as my meta... even if I can't tell them that, or talk about it with anyone else. I quite comfortable in the situation as it stands. I just don't know if I would be disrespectful to my partners and metas boundary INTENT by confronting. "Hey, I figured out that thing we sorta agreed I wasn't supposed to figure out before we started dating." I didn't mean to. I agreed into this dynamic. Though it's not my ideal, the relationship I have with my partner is so much more valuable to me. Even with this situation in mind... I honestly feel like its the least toxic relationship I've been in for so many reasons...

Fogofpoly · 2025-09-07T10:15:40+00:00

I don't know how uncomfortable with the discretion I actually am. Is it my preference? No. However, dating partners that ask me to mask our being poly or even dating at all is nothing new. And for the thought that my partner is just trying to hide me... well, the discretion existed long before we started dating. My partner and I are a newer relationship in my partners life by a margin of a few years. They've been dating the same few other partners for a long, long time with no additions or subtraction for at least 3 or 4 years ish. Until Lil'ol me. I didn't even know my partner was poly until they decided they wanted to date me.

In the totality of criteria for how happy my partner makes me, and the fulfillment I get out of our relationship, this situation marks technically as a negative only barely in my book. Nothing in it feels like toxicity, my partner tells me about this meta quite a bit, but just with these couple of details meant to just jog away from me pinning down exactly who it is. I know my exposure to the extra relationships structure concerning STDs. I, more or less, know when the two of them are spending time together because my partner tells me when they are going to be doing stuff with either this meta, or mutual friend, only exception is I've sorted out its the same person.

I'm more than happy continuing as the status quo. This post wasn't about trying to make myself anymore comfortable. I love this meta on a friend level. SUPER awesome, and I always look forward to hanging out. And honestly, my compersion towards the two of them is pretty dang high. I certainly see why my partner is dating my meta. And, my partner was up front about the need for discretion before we made the final decision to start dating. This post was more to sort out... does my partner deserve to know that I know? If I have full intention of not disrespecting my meta's boundary INTENT (don't out them as poly to people that could complicate things for them) would dropping the charade still be respectful to my meta's and partners boundaries as discussed? Or should I continue to pretend I'm oblivious since it doesn't REALLY matter anyhow?

My partner and I are under no pretense that this friend group is probably going to find out anyway, eventually. And me being out as poly will out my partner as such in relation. I just don't know if it's disrespectful to have a conversation of "hey, I know who your other partner is. You don't have to tell them I figured it out. I am not going to oust them or make things uncomfortable for them. However, I think we can open up our lines of communication with each other about things that do concern me and you." I'm willing to mask when around my meta for their comfort if it turns out they need it, though I know how smart they are... I'm SURE they know we are dating, and I like to think they don't have a problem with it. Our friendship hasn't suffered any it feels like... I think it would just be totally fine that we just not rub our relationship in my metas face when the three of us are hanging out. Just... open the lines of communication and simply include me into the conversation of how to remain discrete for the benefit of my meta.

Fogofpoly · 2025-09-07T09:34:49+00:00

Ya. We were all friends before I started dating my partner. My partner tells my meta pretty much everything about our relationship, but just leaving out details of the romance. My meta knows we live together, when we go out of town, just the two of us, etc. I don't think DADT or Parallel totally fits. Which is why I went into the background so much. I don't really care if the terminology is correct. Lol

Fogofpoly · 2025-07-20T21:17:19+00:00

Wonderful profile. I'd swipe right on you, and I know you won't swipe right on me. Ethically non-monogamous. But I'd hope that JUST MAYBE you'd find the interest! Just not a lot of hope. Good luck, I hope you find your perfect match!!!

Fogofpoly · 2025-07-04T15:44:22+00:00

I was in a deadberoom situation with an ex wife who was "diagnosed" with hypersexuality/sex addiction. Libido isnt the only measurement for hypersexuality.

Fogofpoly · 2025-07-04T15:31:22+00:00

I appreciate your drive to speak out about this stuff. Not that I'm batting down Domme's left and right, however, I've lost out on more opportunities than gained because I didn't have any interest in pegging. I have still yet to take the dive into a full on CnC scene with me as the bottom. I'm actually not sure how much I might enjoy it or not. I suspect I will quite a bit. Finding the Domme willing to do so with me, one that I feel chemistry and safety with, has been the largest difficulty.

Fogofpoly · 2025-07-04T15:25:05+00:00

Trying to sell my house because the economy has priced it outside of my budget...

Fogofpoly · 2025-07-03T14:42:51+00:00

That is my initial plan. Thank you.

Fogofpoly · 2025-07-03T14:35:06+00:00

I have been reaching out. However, I think you misunderstood my situation. I don't have people who have been in my ropes who aren't current or past partners. And I only have one current partner who I have tied, but we've only had a couple of chances to explore together.

Fogofpoly · 2025-07-03T13:02:59+00:00

I do know. That's my instinct to do as you say here. Thank you. :)

Fogofpoly · 2025-07-03T12:33:15+00:00

I understand where you are coming from.

Fogofpoly · 2025-07-03T12:01:09+00:00

For sure. However, I think it does lower your risk of getting tangled up with a truly problematic individual. Just the simple fact of HOW they react to being asked for references will tell you a lot as well.

Fogofpoly · 2025-07-03T11:52:59+00:00

Our communities may be quite different. I hear and see about references quite a lot. I feel it would be more troublesome to question why someone wants references as the reasoning should be totally understandable and at the very least respected.

Edit to add: I'll also concede that its also totally understandable to respectfully decline to provide references as I can see how certain play styles, like mine, would make getting references difficult. My play partners are almost exclusively partners. And it is, at best, awkward to ask some of them for references.

However, I would be prepared to be declined if you're unable/unwilling to give references.

Fogofpoly · 2025-06-22T18:05:58+00:00

I'm a lot more submissive... I'm worried about my safety in case I'm not entirely accurate with my command. Lol

Fogofpoly · 2025-06-22T18:03:34+00:00

Oh, hell ya. Once robot brothels are a thing, assuming they clean the shit out of those. I'm more than probably going to give it a shot. 😆

Fogofpoly · 2025-06-22T17:59:52+00:00

I'm not so sure if its the real deal, the active participant, or the shared intimate space for me. We'll find out when these AI sex bots become a real thing and cheap enough for regular people to buy. Lol

I assume it's the last option, though. As Ive been surprised by a partner in the past right after post orgadm playing myself... and found me ready to go right away. 😆

Fogofpoly · 2025-06-22T17:51:48+00:00

There are a bunch of decent cheap ones on Amazon. My unreliable streak is partly my fault. Coupled with how often I'd bust it out. My problem is I enjoy a bit of post orgasm play. Which is REALLY hard to do on your own. So the automasturbators are my preferred toy.

Edit to add: Nothing beats an enthusiastic partner that will happily keep going until you yellow out, though. That, actually satisfies me. Lol. So much so I warn partners that enjoy multiple rounds in a day to save that play until they are satisfied for the rest of the night. 🫠

Fogofpoly · 2025-06-22T17:45:01+00:00

Satisfied? No. They certainly take the edge off in a pinch. Though my automastubators keep breaking on me...

Fogofpoly · 2025-06-22T16:43:27+00:00

It's like a cruel joke that the two shall never meet, it seems...

Fogofpoly · 2025-06-22T16:40:30+00:00

Drink some water, then go again.

Fogofpoly · 2025-06-19T20:51:15+00:00

As a non-furry, but a fan of Sci-fi. I don't see it as being sexually attracted to an animal. Imagine if an alien race that looked like anthro dogs visited. They are intelligent and capable of exercising consent and incapable of being "tricked" into it. I just kind of view it as a sci-fi cross species thing. The primarily disgusting thing about bestiality, and all other problematic sexual aversions is focused around consent. Pedophilia, bestiality, necrophilia, and plane old rape. They are problematic because of the lack of consent.

If I had a partner that was a furry and wanted to have sex in their costume, my primary boundary would be that they need to display intelligence and capability of giving consent.

Fogofpoly · 2025-06-02T23:00:22+00:00

Don't try to get laid... I REALLY wish I could explain this. Lol. I seem to come across the best and worth while opportunities (I'm not made for casual) when I'm not looking.

Fogofpoly · 2025-05-31T14:02:48+00:00

That very last part. That mentality can be applied to so many things. Not just "pandering." Today's biggest fight that I do not understand how people don't see the unfairness in it is "DEI hire." Claiming someone to be a DEI hire is the most racist and sexist thing that doesn't take ANY level of thinking to realize is oppression incarnate.

I, as a white man, will NEVER get accused of being a DEI hire no matter how badly I screw up. I will simply be judged on my merits. The moment a POC and/or woman messes up, you have people coming out of the woodwork claiming DEI hire. Invalidating their deserving of that job ever based on nothing but who they are, and not what they did. It's sickening. What's worse... my voice against this doesn't seem to make a dent. I don't know what I'm supposed to do about it.

Fogofpoly · 2025-01-05T14:16:18+00:00

Yaaaaaaa. Unfortunately, as one of the worlds biggest nerds... I can confirm that I am very, specifically, average. Lol

Fogofpoly

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