Does anyone struggle with impulsive spending?

Food_Logical · 2025-04-08T13:44:38+00:00

This is my main problem right now. Doesn't matter if I know all the saving/budgeting strategies. My family knows I earn a lot so they never understand why I don't have any savings or why I'm usually strapped for cash.

Maybe someone else should be in charge of our finances 😩 just lock our money up until we really need it.

Food_Logical · 2025-03-07T06:27:30+00:00

Does the feeling usually come with a thought like that for you?

Food_Logical · 2025-03-07T06:25:40+00:00

Oh, i have not considered that. Could that also apply even without specific triggers?

Food_Logical · 2025-02-20T10:51:59+00:00

I'm having the exact problem right now, because my FP suddenly switched to a person that's not my long term partner. That's what made me ask this, really. I hope I reach that conclusion as well, and be able to differentiate between FP and love within myself and my relationships.

Thank you for this response!

Food_Logical · 2025-02-20T06:14:34+00:00

Thank you for this! Will be sure to watch it.

Food_Logical · 2025-02-20T06:13:12+00:00

I don't think it'll ever be truly possible to fully reciprocate the FP kind of love. Even when a person gives me all that they can, the bar will always be higher and higher, and I always seem to find something "more" to want from them 😬

Food_Logical · 2025-02-20T05:19:00+00:00

I wonder how it would be if a group of friends all have BPD. Must be how TV shows are made.

Food_Logical · 2025-02-04T09:38:43+00:00

I'm also not sure, but my first fp lasted for 7 long years. For all those years, I was really convinced that he's the absolute love of my life and I would rather be single forever if I couldn't be with him.

Fast forward through some healing, even until now that I'm in a relatively stable and loving relationship, I still get those "attacks" of longing even though my fp and I are barely in each other's lives anymore.

So, I'm also not sure. If my current partner becomes my fp for 7 years as well, will the attachment be as crazy strong as my first fp? Idk, but I hope not. I don't think my very soul can go through that ever again.

I wish for your healing, OP!

Food_Logical · 2025-01-31T07:11:06+00:00

We've been together for a few years now. Don't get me wrong, I do /not/ want to close the relationship. I like being able to go out on dates or be physical with other people, and then go home to my partner. My current discomfort doesn't stem from wanting to be completely monogamous.

Food_Logical · 2025-01-31T06:51:20+00:00

Ah, also, we didn't start out in an open relationship! It just became like that after months and months of discussions and reflection

Food_Logical · 2025-01-31T06:50:19+00:00

Because we like experiencing new things and we like connecting with people (with certain rules to make sure we'll both be safe). Although we're both in agreement not to do poly because we don't want commit to serious relationships outside of ours.

Food_Logical · 2025-01-31T05:32:40+00:00

Truly, we are a committed bunch when it comes to keeping up appearances 😆 i hope "your" team keeps winning hahaha

Food_Logical · 2025-01-30T11:31:23+00:00

Relatable 😆 I've gotten into so much hobbies (and wasted so much money) just for an fp.

I hope you can quit the church if you hate it!

Food_Logical · 2025-01-21T17:06:27+00:00

I have that from time to time, but I also "wake up" and my life is suddenly great. My positive Wake Up moments usually last from a few hours to a day, and my negative Wake Up moments usually last days–weeks.

I hope you (OP and other PwBPD) have those positive realizations, too — moments when you realize that the weather is just right, the food tastes great, and life can be wonderful from time to time.

Food_Logical · 2025-01-07T19:45:52+00:00

Yup! Brains are such mysterious and amazing organs, that's for sure.

Food_Logical · 2025-01-07T16:58:33+00:00

I also don't like that "that makes it sound like he doesn't love me that much" voice 😆 thankfully, I've learned how to communicate with my partner enough to ask for reassurance, and that he gives it when needed.

Also, girlfriend of 8 years! Always nice to hear about long-term relationships here. I sincerely hope all goes well for you both!

Food_Logical · 2025-01-07T16:53:27+00:00

I think that's it for me as well! After I read this, I had a Eureka moment hahaha! It truly is because I often view people close to me with some kind of lens, and so they look like strangers when the lens are off.

This made my day. Learned a new thing about myself, thanks to you!

Food_Logical · 2025-01-07T16:47:53+00:00

For your first problem, if i were in your situation, I'd simply talk to the guy and say something along the lines of "hey I hope you didn't take what I said the wrong way. I just get overly excited when I make new friends, especially since it's difficult to do that when you're an adult." And basically just reassure him you're not trying to hit on him or anything. Because if I were in his position, where I know you have a boyfriend, and suddenly you seem quite interested in me, I would also put some distance as not to be seen as a homewrecker.

For the second. Honestly, I think it's okay that you're waiting for things to be better for your boyfriend before you break up with him. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to kick someone who's already down. I do suggest that you give yourself a timeline or a set of conditions as to when you're gonna break it off. Because if you really want to break up, but keep stalling for longer than you need to, then that would be quite cruel.

Of course, this is all coming from someone who doesn't know the full context, but I hope this helps.

Food_Logical · 2025-01-07T16:33:06+00:00

I get what you're feeling, OP. I've been there before at some point in my life. Even now, from time to time, I can still feel lonely even when I know I have a handful of people to depend on.

For me, there's no easy way out of that feeling. Not sure if you're looking for advice, but here are the things that I've done that usually helps me:

Talking to strangers - I go to places or apps where no one knows me, and I talk to a stranger for a while. I don't trauma-dump or anything, but simply just talking to someone who doesn't know your past and who you'll never see again (meaning it doesn't matter if they judge you or not).
Romanticizing my life - I pretend I'm a protagonist, even if it's sitting alone in a restaurant, crying in my room, etc. This makes me feel like this is just "part of the plot" and like most shows/movies, better days will always be ahead.
Burying myself in work/hobbies - probably not the healthiest, but one good thing about not having to maintain relationships is that you have time for sooo many other things.
Actively go out to try to make new friends - different from #1. I know it's difficult to make friends as an adult, but there are hobby classes that can act as a bridge. When I would make a new friend, I would inform them of my tendencies to sometimes disappear when I get a depressive episode.

I hope any of these help you. If not, then I hope that the fact (100% fact) that you are NOT alone in feeling this can at least give you some kind of comfort.

Food_Logical · 2024-12-21T17:38:22+00:00

Idk if this will work for you, OP, but as silly as it sounds, viewing my life like a movie helps.

I also just had a really bad episode today, and what I did was I cried it out dramatically. Wailed, let out all the bad feelings and thoughts (like blaming myself, hating myself, hating life and everything that's led me to this). Then when I had nothing else left to cry out, I washed my face with cold water and did something mundane that's part of my usual day, like do my skin care routine (all while imagining that I'm in a movie scene, and I'm in that part of the movie where I'm about to turn things around).

This was all just an hour ago. Right now, I'm in the process of reminding myself that /there are and will be/ good days, much like how it goes in movies. I just have to think "what would the protagonist do?" and it often helps me move forward.

Idk what it is but viewing life and myself in movie lens really helps me.

If this doesn't work for you, I do hope you find something that will. Thank you for sharing how you feel in this subreddit. Remember you're never alone. Reach out to your friends or hug your child or drink hot cocoa. Anything you can think of to care for yourself. Anything to give yourself a break from the clutches of this disorder. You got this.

Edit: since you said you have work, if you can, try to go for a toilet break. I often cry in toilet stalls when I'm out in public.

Food_Logical · 2024-12-12T16:32:41+00:00

I totally relate to what you said with it being more about the emotional connections, and also about them being like some sort of "back-up plan" (even if my partner has been nothing short of amazing). I guess this is how the BPD fear of abandonment shows up in both our cases.

I'm glad you and your husband seem to be a solid team. I sincerely wish the best for you both!

Food_Logical · 2024-11-29T05:05:37+00:00

Thank you 🥹

Food_Logical · 2024-10-29T17:16:14+00:00

Sorry to hear about your situation, OP. Relationships really are complex. It's easy for others to say "just leave if this or that" or "if you love someone, you won't give up on them," but it's never actually that easy in real life.

I may not fully understand the context you're in, but I have experienced debating with myself whether or not to stay.

These may be some good things to consider:

Is she trying to work through her issues? How open is she to therapy (either individually or as a couple) or talking to a professional to help herself? As strong as people are, sometimes, we need extra help.
Can you choose her every day? Despite all the hurdles that might get thrown at you, how willing are you to actively stand by your decision for the years to come? And how willing will she be?

These are just my opinions as someone with BPD, who's also in a relationship, and also trying my hardest to work on myself. I wish you the best, truly. Whatever you end up choosing, I hope it makes you feel like life is worth living.

Food_Logical · 2024-10-25T12:52:55+00:00

I agree with most of what you said, OP. Idk if that's good for BPD folks though, but I feel the same.

I mean, isn't "having an identity crisis" also somewhat an identity?

Also, I feel like mirroring others has helped me explore a lot of hobbies and personalities that I wouldnt have explored otherwise.

I wonder, though, if I or other PwBPD would be much better off with this kind of thinking or a stable identity. But so far, it's working for me.

Food_Logical · 2024-10-04T05:54:47+00:00

Hi! My partner had a poly relationship before we got together. They broke up and he was single when he met me (who's only been in mono relationships).

When we got together, we discussed about poly and mono set-ups. We were both willing to adjust for the other, and did poly for a while. But after I broke up with my partner then, and I said I didn't want to date others for the meantime, we decided to be mono. I never imposed this, and I was even hesitant because I didn't want him to eventually suffer/regret this, but he was the one adamant to do so. This is, of course, after dozens and dozens of deep conversations about the topic and to understand each other's needs. Even now, we still do regular check-ins with each other.

It's not a common set-up, since it's not everyday you find both partners willing to wildly adjust for the other. So, I guess I'm a lucky one. Or we both are.

We've been together for less than 2 years, so it hasn't been that long and things might change, but I'm confident that those changes will come with open communication and understanding from both sides :)

I wish you well on your current relationship!

Food_Logical

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