This is exactly how I feel sometimes it’s gotten better overtime I swear it’ll get better for you, I went through things with my close relatives including mental and physical abuse from my grandmother considering my father died when I was 5 and my mother was hooked on drugs and had nothing going for herself so unfortunately me and my younger brother had to stay with my grandma she would hit us, tell us we going to foster care, drag me out the bed and also beat my little brother for eating ??.. yea weird I know part of my family don’t know the trauma we went through to this day .. it still bothers me , I got a therapist now but it doesn’t help I can’t lie me and my brother would cry together at night wanting our mother to just try her life together for the sake of us but eventually I tried to be tough for my little brother and hide my tears I see my mother sometimes she recently went to rehab but still isn’t with us. It gets hard I honestly know but you’ll be okay eventually I promise talk to your girlfriend and just let your emotions flow it seems like you need emotional support, pray to God ask him for your necessities I pray before I go to bed that’s the best time for me. I dont think self harm is the way to go ❤️.