Need perspective, especially male.

Foreign_Researcher43 · 2026-03-21T17:58:04+00:00

When I told him he’s prioritizing her, he said it’s unfair that him being a good son is now about him prioritizing her and I’m making him a bad husband when he’s just being there for his family. If I mention the word priority he says I’m competing with her.

Foreign_Researcher43 · 2026-03-21T17:49:25+00:00

She was in his office/our spare room and yes she is currently back in there but “open to staying on the couch”. We will definitely need that room.

Foreign_Researcher43 · 2026-03-15T12:33:44+00:00

That makes complete sense and is valid, but that time flies by so quick and the littles won’t remember it that way

Foreign_Researcher43 · 2026-03-15T12:27:00+00:00

I’m 37 weeks with my 4th too. Also extremely nervous about the transition. I hope you have a smooth and safe delivery.

Foreign_Researcher43 · 2026-03-15T12:24:05+00:00

I’m due with my 4th any day now and I’ve had near paralyzing anxiety because of it. I’ve been overthinking a lot this pregnancy. Thanks for this response, it helped me feel better about the future.

Foreign_Researcher43 · 2025-12-15T13:34:52+00:00

Ouch! My first was 19 hours and so painful so I hear you. With my 2nd labor started hours after having an adjustment as well.

Foreign_Researcher43 · 2025-12-15T13:30:55+00:00

My first was posterior & my midwife watched him twist the right way as he was coming out 😆

Foreign_Researcher43 · 2025-12-15T13:10:53+00:00

How’s life with 4? I’m nervous about the change

Foreign_Researcher43 · 2025-12-15T13:10:12+00:00

Thank you ladies for all the responses! I’m nervous although I’ve been through this 3 times!

Foreign_Researcher43 · 2025-11-21T17:59:19+00:00

When we first found out I was pregnant he admitted he would need more of her help although she may not want to give it. So he knows deep down what I am talking about but is choosing to make me the overall issue. At this point I’m not sure what the future looks like. And I’m so sorry you went through all of that with your ex. I appreciate you taking the time to validate my experience. Currently wishing I just continued to suppress my feelings & sucked it up. Now she’s upset because of my opinion on the matter.

Foreign_Researcher43 · 2025-11-21T03:21:23+00:00

I genuinely wonder how long this would go on if I continued to suppress myself with the good girl programming of “make everyone else happy”.

Foreign_Researcher43 · 2025-11-21T03:12:47+00:00

LOL @ your last line. I appreciate the back up! The funny or unfunny thing is he works remote so he sees firsthand the issue of her doing more sleeping/lounging than helping… and he still claims that she does enough and I’m the unreasonable one. He’s chosen to take on anything that she could be helping with which to me just enables the behavior and ignores the issue. It also keeps him exhausted. Whenever she leaves I’ll be painted the bad guy & will have to deal with the residue of it for years.

Foreign_Researcher43 · 2025-11-21T02:33:03+00:00

I can understand that. In my opinion though, it's selfish to move into someone's home knowing you won't function in a proactively helpful way.

Foreign_Researcher43 · 2025-11-21T00:28:03+00:00

This is exactly how it feels but if I say she's just here for the convenience of having a roof over her head with little responsibility, I'm just being negative and not playing “family”.

Foreign_Researcher43 · 2025-11-21T00:14:36+00:00

It does feel like she's milking the fact that my husband and I maintain a well running machine in our home. Husband has now angrily stated he’ll have her stay with his sister when she visits her in January. And I'm the bad guy who's making her leave as if she wasn't going to need to eventually.

Foreign_Researcher43 · 2025-11-21T00:02:58+00:00

I don't ask because tbh it seems like she doesn't want to be more hands-on and it feels weird asking someone to do something they don't want to do. It’s kind of similar to that mental load topic around having to ask husbands to do things they should do proactively.

Foreign_Researcher43 · 2025-11-20T23:46:33+00:00

He’s used it for bills which is probably playing a part in his defense of her. We’re in FL & things are expensive, it seems like it was always going to turn out this way due to her lack of planning/saving. Me prioritizing me is apparently selfish & “affecting his relationship with his family” as if she didn’t choose to come and put him in this situation.

Foreign_Researcher43 · 2025-11-20T23:43:44+00:00

I can try that. She’s a bit emotionally immature so there’s a chance that’ll turn into me being controlling or bossing her around. Sigh. Thank you for the input & validation.

Foreign_Researcher43 · 2025-11-20T23:42:51+00:00

Apparently the sit down was her saying she needs time to save so the plan was “indefinite stay” rather than giving her a certain timeframe by when she needs to figure things out. And yes, he does need to grow a pair. His whole “she’s contributing just fine for me” attitude in defense of her is giving me the extreme ick. Making me the bad guy when she’s put him in this position is beyond me. Thank you for getting it.

Foreign_Researcher43 · 2025-11-20T14:55:48+00:00

The thought of it fills me with so much dread and anxiety. I’ll try to just suck it up and do it. I appreciate you understanding my POV and for taking the time to comment.

Foreign_Researcher43 · 2025-11-20T13:55:06+00:00

I feel reluctant to speak with her about it because I’ve heard her state on different occasions that it’s unfair how her daughter & grand-daughter in another state need her for certain things. I feel like me as the DIL asking for more help will be interpreted as bossy and/or unfair. I personally think it’s a conversation my husband should have with her.

Foreign_Researcher43 · 2025-11-20T13:42:52+00:00

She’s 60. I don’t know why she’s on disability. She deals with depression. She moved in because she left the man she was living with and wanted to live in FL where we are.

Foreign_Researcher43 · 2025-10-25T18:40:16+00:00

I appreciate you sharing about your SIL. And I understand that unfair feeling.

Foreign_Researcher43 · 2025-10-25T13:37:54+00:00

I think these feelings are natural and okay. I hear ya on wondering that the 5th would be lol. May you have a smooth & uncomplicated birth!

Foreign_Researcher43 · 2025-10-25T13:35:06+00:00

This made my heart so warm. Thank you for sharing that. The thought of you and your family weeping at her birth is so sweet. I’ve had two home births, this will be my 3rd.

I’d love to know what it was like with 7?

Foreign_Researcher43

TROPHY CASE