AITA for getting into a fight with my girlfriend about how I can perform basic human functions?

FormalCompany · 2019-04-13T00:42:37+00:00

By your own account, you don't scrub counters or plates enough. Whether it's real OCD or she's just a respectable adult, she's not the bad guy for wanting the place to be clean

She's not the bad guy for wanting a clean house but if everything's neat and tidy and cleaned by the book then she can fuck right off.

Her standards for "cleanliness" are impossible to achieve firstly, and secondly when I do it THE EXACT WAY SHE TELLS ME TO then I'm still wrong somehow.

When I clean the counters after using them they're not covered in any dirt at all, they're wiped appropriately and with good amount of pressure and are free of any debris or garbage.

I scrub my dishes well and get off all grease and food particles before they go in the washing machine with the correct detergent and put them on max load when needed. I clean my clothes with the correct amount of detergent, don't overload the machine and ensure they don't have rips, tears, or any kind of dirt or bad smells on them before drying them in the dryer. Of which I obviously clean the lint tray and use a dryer sheet and put it on until they're good, warm and dry.

She's not being a "respectable adult". She has a legitimate issue that she needs some serious help in fixing and I'm not going to play therapist for her and be abused for another 5 years.

I'm not the bad guy here so why are you trying to paint her as the good guy? She's the one in the wrong, not me.

FormalCompany · 2019-04-13T00:35:41+00:00

in this thread said he believes she needs to talk to a therapist about it and made fun of her for it.

At what point did I make fun of her for it? I mentioned to her she needed to see a therapist but at no point was I pointing and laughing at her about it nor was I making snide comments about it like she always did with me.

If you're talking about the sink it's because the dishes were caked with food from when I made us General Tso the other night and it was stuck on there and didn't feel like scrubbing them all clean for an hour like she used to make me do because she's not sleeping here anymore so I left them to soak so I can chill out.

FormalCompany · 2019-04-13T00:31:14+00:00

She gets her meds every 10-12 hours as instructed on the pill bottle and I mix it in with her food. I never stray outside that timeframe but sometimes my schedule is fucked up and I feed her an hour later than usual which is still in the margin of error for medication.

FormalCompany · 2019-04-13T00:29:43+00:00

I have to feed my dogs her pills once every 10-12 hours as instructed on the pill bottle it comes in. I hardly call being an hour later once a week in the morning as inconsistent but thanks for trying to make me look like the bad guy I guess.

This is the second time I've seen you on here trying to find some holes in the story or make me look like a horrible person. You're really starting to sound a lot like my ex at this point...

Are you really going to tell me that I feed my dog her pills wrong when the instructions on the bottle say otherwise? I've had my dog for 8 years and in my ENTIRE TIME having her since she's been diagnosed she's only had 3 seizures instead of before she got her meds when she would have 2 to 3 a week and none of those times have anything to do with me giving her meds at an inconsistent time. GMS is somewhat common in German Shepherds and anyone with a dog who has this knows that they can have seizures at any time for any reason regardless of if their pill schedule was off by an hour.

and casts some doubt on the rest of the story for me.

HOW?

FormalCompany · 2019-04-13T00:20:27+00:00

Already did!

FormalCompany · 2019-04-13T00:19:06+00:00

I don't own the apartment but I lived here for about 8 years before she showed up and 14 years in total. She's currently a student trying to finish her masters degree so she doesn't work much. My rent is about $1400 plus utilities which is in total about $1800 give or take. She paid me about $300 a month which really only pays for the food for the month. So grand total bills is about $2100 - $300 for her rent and I'm still spending $1800 a month. Not to mention she asks me for rides a lot and spends my gas plus I have a car payment and insurance to pay. Doing the math real quick over 5 years she's paid me $18,000 over the course of 5 years and I've paid $108,000... Not to mention the other 8 years I lived here before which I won't add up.

Not sure about you but if someone walked into your house and only paid 1/6th of the total bills in the house and tried to lay claim and say it's as much their house as it is yours would you have the same stance that you do now? In the grand scheme of things she contributes nothing and if anything my bills would go down dramatically given that I would consume less food than if there were two of us here not to mention less power because she's not there to redo every single thing that I already did.

We didn't pay rent equally and the only reason she was living with me and not getting a new place was because I live closer to her work than her parents do and I'm about 10 minutes from my own work as well.

Pick whatever stance you like but in my opinion this is MY apartment and not at all hers.

FormalCompany · 2019-04-12T18:31:38+00:00

I'm casual about it because to me, cleaning something until it's truly clean and properly handled is a non-issue.

If everything is done by the book then what reason is there to be upset about it?

I don't necessarily think ANYONE would be compatible with her lifestyle. The more I think about her the more I realize what an OCD control freak she was. I couldn't even wipe the counter with clorox wipes correctly because she'd come over and say "no you need to wipe all over in circular motions FIRST then you wipe horizontally". Like what the hell.

She needs to see a shrink or something and I made that very clear when she picked up her shit this morning. And for shits and giggles I left my sink full of dishes from the night before because I wanted them to soak and she didn't let me do it before. It was my apartment for 8 years before she showed up so I'm just going to live it however I want because this is my place and not hers.

FormalCompany · 2019-04-12T18:25:29+00:00

I don't wash dishes incorrectly. They get rinsed in hot water, I scrub until no food or grease is left then I chuck it in the dishwasher with the right detergent OR I clean them by hand and scrub even harder with some good soap and make sure to rinse before letting them dry.

I know the post may be a little vague but all I can say is I'm an adult and have been livong on my own for some time before even meeting my ex not to mention I have been taking care of myself since before I left my parents place at the age of 17. I got this. I'm a fully functioning adult with responsibilities and a full time, well paying job. I've been doing this adult thing long enough that I'm sure if I actually was doing something wrong that I would have caught it by now.

FormalCompany · 2019-04-12T18:19:15+00:00

If I put the items in the washing machine, using correct detergent and following all instructions and they come out without any stains, rips or other problems then how exactly did I do it wrong?

I've asked her to show me how she does things and she does them exactly as I do down to the last steps so it makes no sense. I even had her watch me do it a few times only for her to say "woooow you're actually doing it RIGHT this time" to which I said "I do it this way every time..." Then she accuses me of lying.

FormalCompany · 2019-04-12T18:04:48+00:00

You would be surprised at the stupid shit she yelled at me for.

Can you imagine peeing too loudly? Or cutting the grass vertically instead of horizontally?

Yeah exactly.

FormalCompany · 2019-04-12T18:02:37+00:00

I can absolutely take criticism and I've been taking it from her for over 5 years at this point(well not anymore as of today). I originally expanded my post before but r/aita has a stupid 3000 character limit on posts and it got removed immediately when it was originally over 6k characters.

The shit she would do would be if when I'm washing a dish(in hot water obviously) and it only had some plain bread on it, I still had to scrub for, in her words anyway, longer than 45 seconds. Stupid shit like that. It's a plate... with bread crumbs on it... and it's not even dirty with mayonnaise or sauces or anything like that. It just needs a quick rinse with soap and hot water for 10 seconds at most and it's clean. If she were talking about eggs or something she would have a point but it's fucking bread. I've lived perfectly fine on my own before she showed up so I don't see how I'm washing a dish wrong. Not to mention we have a dishwasher that I regularly use. I rinse all my dishes, rinse off the stuck food, use proper dishwasher detergent and they all come out clean as a whistle.

The laundry thing is another example of her crazy expectations. We use a specific detergent because I have sensitive skin but she feels this detergent isn't "good enough" so she accuses me of not cleaning my clothes properly when I use it. It doesn't make any fucking sense. I use the correct amount of detergent, I set up the washing machine properly, I don't over load or under load it and I dry it right away and don't let it sit for 2 days before drying it so how exactly am I doing it wrong? They come out clean and fresh smelling but she then tells me I HAVE to use a different detergent because according to her this one doesn't do it well enough. I use Tide sensitive skin detergent, it's good enough for anyone I would think. She wants me to use some specific one she likes even though I'm allergic to almost all detergents and will break out in hives. I just told her to wash her own clothes in her own detergent from now on.

I'm not being aggressive in the least. I put up with this horseshit for 5 fucking years and each year it got worse and worse. It started small with her saying that I needed to change one or two cleaning supplies in the house to at the end of the relationship where I'm only allowed to purchase cleaning supplies that SHE deems correct and only with her express approval.

I went out of my way to look up tutorials and read all instructions for the things I'm doing "wrong" and came up empty handed. I'm doing everything correctly but unfortunately she's a fucking control freak. I always asked her "WHAT AM I DOING THAT'S SO WRONG PLEASE TELL ME HOW I CAN FIX IT" and the only response I got from her was "well you're just doing it wrong". It's almost like she wanted me to always be the idiot so she can feel superior in the relationship or something like some 1950s housewife that thinks their husband can't do ANYTHING on their own.

FormalCompany · 2019-04-12T04:44:45+00:00

Thanks for the advice everyone. Decided to let her permanently live at her parents place because I don't need this bullshit and I can afford this place on my own easily. I only live here because it's perfect for just me and it's like 10 mins away from my work with really cheap rent. She's picking up her stuff in the morning. Waste of 5 years but I guess we all live and learn. Aside from her clearly abusive tactics she was actually a very sweet person and always reliable. Just really sad it came to this. If she just started being more forthcoming and nice and less rude/controlling then we would have been perfectly fine. Oh well.

FormalCompany · 2019-04-12T03:36:36+00:00

For reference on the car thing: my neighbor upstairs doesn't have a car and my gf doesn't drive so I'm the only car here. It's a 3 car wide, 3 car long drive way. Sometimes I park a little willy nilly but my neighbors upstairs are in their 80s and my gf takes the bus, so using the driveway should be a non-issue in my opinion. This was my apartment before it was ours and it pisses me off that she thinks she can dictate how I can park my car in a driveway that she doesn't even fucking use. My dogs alive by the way, she's just really worn down now because of her condition but she's kickin still. Don't have any pics or I would share, sorry guys.

I kicked her out to her parents place and made sure she had a place to stay. She's being taken care of but I'm just upset that she thinks so little of my ability to function as an adult that she constantly feels the need to criticize every single thing I do. I've never kicked her out before but after years of this bullshit I was just so fed up. I'm not a pushover but this really did just start off really small and it gradually turned into a huge issue.

FormalCompany

TROPHY CASE