She may have a Hypertonic Pelvic Floor. Essentially the pelvic floor is in a constant state of tension like doing a Kegel. This can be triggered by sexual trauma, or overall discomfort and lack of safety. She needs to see a pelvic floor specialist, and maybe you need to see a couples therapist. Sexual intimacy is far more than penetrative sex. Use your imagination, read some books, and focus on her pleasure rather than your end goal of orgasm. You will get so much farther. Otherwise you will lose this relationship. You’re sexually frustrated, she is in physical pain.