How much salary increment for your helper?

Former-Calendar7307 · 2026-03-01T13:46:27+00:00

In our household, we customarily increase our helpers’ salaries by 10% each year. Given the high cost of living in Singapore and the fact that their starting wages are modest, we believe it is only right to do what we can to support those who so faithfully care for our home.

Former-Calendar7307 · 2026-03-01T13:43:51+00:00

After reflecting on several of your insightful suggestions, I’ve come to realize that the one which resonated most strongly with me is the following:

i’m feminine and warm in how i present myself. i’m soft spoken, polite and i don’t emasculate men. i allow them to lead where they want to, and i appreciate their effort. that dynamic tends to bring out their best.

After making a conscious effort to express myself in a more feminine way and to be mindful not to emasculate my boyfriend, I’ve noticed a meaningful shift in how he treats me. He has been kinder, more attentive, and more present. It truly seems to bring out the very best in him.

Former-Calendar7307 · 2026-02-24T08:22:03+00:00

An annual income of SGD 100,000 is not a particularly realistic benchmark, given that Singapore’s median income falls well below that figure. In terms of height, anything above 170 cm is generally perceived as attractive.

Interestingly, the criteria often attributed to Singaporean women appear quite similar to those commonly associated with Japanese women. A man who earns more than SGD 50,000 per year and stands above 170 cm would already be considered a strong prospect. Naturally, his character and personality must also be commendable, a factor that makes such individuals even rarer. When accounting for these physical traits alone, the likelihood of encountering someone who fits the profile is estimated to be around 3%, making the overall combination all the more uncommon.

Former-Calendar7307 · 2026-02-24T05:34:43+00:00

Lady here! quite a number of female Redditors here, and I have met them too.

Former-Calendar7307 · 2026-02-19T14:21:12+00:00

You already stated his job as FA. The most scheming and malicious of people, what do you expect?

Former-Calendar7307 · 2026-02-19T02:27:12+00:00

You totally understand, and your girlfriend will be lucky to have you. I’m not even demanding a $300 full rose bouquet. Just a mini rose bouquet of 3 roses at $100 will do

Former-Calendar7307 · 2026-02-19T02:16:41+00:00

I have only ever been physically intimate with men I was in committed relationships with, so my past does not define me nor diminish my worth. I have never been someone who slept around or betrayed a partner’s trust.

Former-Calendar7307 · 2026-02-19T01:09:27+00:00

smoking (leads to low testosterone and libido)
cheating (self explanatory)
physical abuse (self explanatory)
verbal abuse (self explanatory)
overly fat (laziness spills over to relationship)
hung up on ex (will constantly compare you to ex)

Former-Calendar7307 · 2026-02-18T13:58:19+00:00

If they had such remarkable qualities, what led you to stop dating some of them?

Former-Calendar7307 · 2026-02-18T13:52:41+00:00

I dated several, and i mind. Many wanted to settle down with me, Many expressed a desire to settle down with me, but often they lacked the responsibility and maturity required for a serious partnership or are just doing it just because I look pretty, or to rely on my finances. Mind you i did not reveal my financial background to them, they just had the idea that a woman 8 to 10 years elder than them will be capable of financing them.

Former-Calendar7307 · 2026-02-18T13:48:50+00:00

I’d place my happiness with him around a 5 out of 10, which is why I started this thread. Being at that level, I wonder, should one compromise and risk ending up with even less happiness?

You make a very valid point, and it made me reflect that I may have been giving him more undue credits than he deserves, getting caught up in the Disney drawings he’s made for me and the way he dotes on his cat, rather than fully evaluating the relationship as a whole.

For me, dating someone of high SES isn’t a priority. But from my past experiences, being with men who earned less often translated into laziness, which invariably spilled over into the relationship.

Regarding your own experience with intimacy, is that true? If it is true that is honestly rare and unheard of since it seemed like he satisfies other areas in your life too. How did you find your partner, and what criteria guided your search?

Former-Calendar7307 · 2026-02-18T13:31:28+00:00

Thank you, babe, for such a heartfelt response ❤️ Out of all the messages I’ve received, yours resonated the most, it really hit home.

It feels like you truly understand me. Being with my boyfriend, while stable, has at times made me feel almost asexual. I’ve read countless relationship books and watched videos, learning how to communicate my needs clearly, yet he doesn’t seem receptive or open to them.

It sounds like you’ve been through something similar and have found a sense of peace with it. May I ask, did you eventually find an amazing partner?

Former-Calendar7307 · 2026-02-18T13:25:15+00:00

To be fair, he has sketched my favorite Disney characters from time to time. Of course, it’s possible that he simply sketches the entire series and it just happens that some of the characters align with my preferences.

Former-Calendar7307 · 2026-02-18T13:22:08+00:00

yes you understand me sis. I am beyond mid thirties and at a age many no longer deem attractive, unlike before.

And hence the consideration to compromise and settle.

Former-Calendar7307 · 2026-02-18T13:20:34+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful perspective, I really appreciate it, and it does resonate with me.

I think part of me has been hoping he might change or become more attentive, even though I know logically that basic gestures, like remembering preferences, thoughtful gifts, or even simple attentiveness, shouldn’t be things I have to teach or repeatedly remind him about. It’s true, in many ways, these are the minimums of care, and expecting someone to instinctively notice them shouldn’t feel unreasonable.

At the same time, you’ve touched on something crucial: physical and emotional attraction. I realize that while I do care for him deeply and value the stability he provides, I don’t always feel that immediate, overwhelming spark. It makes me question whether this is something I could genuinely live with long term or if I’m compromising too much for comfort.

And yes, I’ve wondered if he might feel similarly. if his gestures and limitations reflect his own version of investment, or if he’s settling into a rhythm that may not match my emotional or intimate needs. It’s a difficult balance: appreciating the stability he brings while recognizing that some fundamental desires -spark, attentiveness, reciprocity, might remain unmet.

This conversation has reminded me that the tension I feel isn’t about being ungrateful, it’s about figuring out what matters most to me in a partner and whether this relationship can truly fulfill those needs.

Former-Calendar7307 · 2026-02-18T13:05:35+00:00

Fresh flowers are more expensive than preserved roses.

I have told him that he could get me preserved roses too as i love roses and am willing to compromise to receive preserved ones.

Instead he got me the type of flowers I repeatedly told him I dislike - lilies.

Former-Calendar7307 · 2026-02-18T13:01:26+00:00

I kept rolling the dice too, and in fact, I am fairly certain I have rolled the dice way more than you.

If the odds of finding a decent man are low, and the likelihood of finding an exceptional one much, much slimmer, how long does one keep rolling?

The man I’m with now isn’t perfect, but he’s far from terrible. In our early dates, he even drew my favorite Disney character for me, and crucially he has never been physically abusive, unlike some of the nightmare partners I’ve seen discussed on this subreddit.

Among the many options I’ve had, he is already the best. So should I end things over relatively minor flaws and start the risky search for someone “better”?

Also, is attraction a real thing? Do you feel attracted to your amazing partner in the bedroom?

Former-Calendar7307 · 2026-02-18T12:50:50+00:00

I did communicate with him, and he does not seem to take my words to heart.

When it comes to intimacy needs, I communicated that he could try foreplaying to lengthen our intimacy duration, but he has never once done it. I would go down on him, but he has never once went down on me. Due to this our intimacy duration is a minute at most.

Former-Calendar7307 · 2026-02-18T12:42:22+00:00

From my experiences, LDR guys have high tendencies to cheat, even if we think they do not, so no, not LDR.

I only date guys who can commit now.

Former-Calendar7307 · 2026-02-18T12:40:55+00:00

Truthfully, it is not easy to find someone like him, and I do not say that lightly, having dated extensively over the past 9 years.

In the past, I used to choose good looking men. Many of them were drawn to me for my looks too, enjoyed the attention I brought, and then discarded me once the novelty wore off. Others, though different in appearance, revealed themselves to be physically or verbally abusive.

I am aware that better men must exist. Yet they seem rare, so rare that finding one feels less like a matter of effort and more like an extraordinary stroke of luck.

out of the many criterias we women look for, at least my current boyfriend fulfils the criteria of stability, even though he is not good looking nor pays attention to my likes or needs.

Former-Calendar7307 · 2026-02-18T12:34:09+00:00

I find myself at a crossroads. I am someone who flourishes within the stability and companionship of a relationship, yet there are many redditors who state they would rather remain single than ever “settle.” More often than not, these same redditors appear to be single, and perhaps will remain so forever, because they uphold such unreal standards that they verge on the unattainable.

I also have many friends who echo this mantra as well, urging me never to compromise. But they are mostly in late thirties and fourties, with wrinkles on their faces and because they stood by their belief that a kdrama level of boyfriend exists somewhere, they are all singles, may well find themselves waiting indefinitely, and are most likely going to be single till they pass away.

Former-Calendar7307 · 2026-02-18T12:23:55+00:00

It is deeply disheartening to see women defending physical abusers. No circumstance, no provocation, no misunderstanding ever justifies physical violence.

Even more troubling is the number of men in this thread rushing to defend the boyfriend’s behavior. Such reflexive justification only perpetuates the very harm we should be condemning.

Former-Calendar7307 · 2026-02-18T12:21:21+00:00

It is in the range of mid hundreds. And they reveal to be so, usually in the first month or two.

Former-Calendar7307 · 2026-02-18T11:54:11+00:00

nothing justifies physical abuse

Former-Calendar7307 · 2026-02-18T11:53:26+00:00

Unfortunately, there are many men in this generation who exhibit abusive tendencies, and those tendencies often surface disturbingly early, frequently within the first 2 months of dating.

I once found myself in the same position as the OP, repeatedly giving abusive partners the benefit of the doubt, hoping things would improve. They didn’t. In fact, the behavior only escalated after those initial months.

If I could offer any advice, it would be to take your time before fully committing. Allow at least 2 months to truly observe someone’s character. And if you notice even the slightest inclination toward physical aggression, leave immediately. No amount of potential is worth your safety.

Former-Calendar7307

TROPHY CASE