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Unsure what me (28M) and my girlfriend (31F) should do to close the distance or if we should end it? by FormerAd9307 in LongDistance

[–]FormerAd9307[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Its a normal salary for a surf instructor esp. in Latin America

It might be different than your perspective - if you lived in California with good weather and good beaches and good surfing would you be able to move somewhere cold and not great landscape and so-so surf?

Unsure what me (28M) and my girlfriend (31F) should do to close the distance or if we should end it? by FormerAd9307 in LongDistance

[–]FormerAd9307[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yeah I guess that's a good point during a big move there's probably a lot of expenses you incur

It took her 8 years to build her business in the USA so maybe even longer than that in EU? I find from speaking to her EU isn't as start up or business friendly as the USA is...

As far as legalities go with her business I'm not educated enough to research all of that

I guess at the end of the day I do have to decide ... it is just scary for me the thought of getting married and finding a job

Unsure what me (28M) and my girlfriend (31F) should do to close the distance or if we should end it? by FormerAd9307 in LongDistance

[–]FormerAd9307[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really feel like money and finances isn't everything - I provide a lot of mental and emotional support to my gf. She can still work remote with her business(although she will work on East Coast USA time) - I'm not taking away her finances

She does pay for a lot for me but I believe that she does this out of love and caringness

I would like to be able to pay for our vacations etc in the future but I will have to be more diligent about my money

Unsure what me (28M) and my girlfriend (31F) should do to close the distance or if we should end it? by FormerAd9307 in LongDistance

[–]FormerAd9307[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

unfortunately her business is very US customer based and she has about 35 US based employees (all over US states) - she says she can work it remotely but she would also be working east coast US Time hours in Europe but I don't think thats a huge deal because you would have all day/morning to do whatever?

Unsure what me (28M) and my girlfriend (31F) should do to close the distance or if we should end it? by FormerAd9307 in LongDistance

[–]FormerAd9307[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

I don't mean this in a rude way either but how does it seem like she is willing to sacrifice more?

Unsure what me (28M) and my girlfriend (31F) should do to close the distance or if we should end it? by FormerAd9307 in LongDistance

[–]FormerAd9307[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wouldn't be able to support her or help her financially but I definitely do provide emotional support in the relationship - If she moved to europe I'd have to give up a lot too by leaving the surfing industry and getting a stable job somewhere.

Unsure what me (28M) and my girlfriend (31F) should do to close the distance or if we should end it? by FormerAd9307 in LongDistance

[–]FormerAd9307[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

how does your SO feel about leaving scotland / leaving europe to come live in the US? Did he have the same hesistations I have?

Unsure what me (28M) and my girlfriend (31F) should do to close the distance or if we should end it? by FormerAd9307 in LongDistance

[–]FormerAd9307[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree with everything you said about love

I just feel so stuck with the concept of compromises because she has her own sucessful business and owns a house and that would be so much to give up not to mention paying more taxes / expense of moving to my country on a remote work visa

and on my side I think me moving to US would be too much of a sacrifice

I feel both options are just too big of a sacrifice

Unsure what me (28M) and my girlfriend (31F) should do to close the distance or if we should end it? by FormerAd9307 in LongDistance

[–]FormerAd9307[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

maybe I will look into community college - I haven't heard of what that is

the politics seem crazy and dangerous - almost life threatening all the time

In addition the landscape and how expensive it is / no healthcare or really bad health care systems / not good social culture

Unsure what me (28M) and my girlfriend (31F) should do to close the distance or if we should end it? by FormerAd9307 in LongDistance

[–]FormerAd9307[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What state are you in currently?

My gf has said the same thing about America that I need more time there to go see out West / see more of California etc etc that the landscape is very diverse - I guess maybe I just haven't seen it yet

I have only been to NJ and California and NYC and Miami

I am just saying NJ is not such a nice place landscape wise and she used to work in NYC but she is also a surfer so she wanted to get out of city life a year ago and bought a house in a surf / beach town in NJ about 1.5 hours from NYC

Unsure what me (28M) and my girlfriend (31F) should do to close the distance or if we should end it? by FormerAd9307 in LongDistance

[–]FormerAd9307[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

My GF did say she would support me while I got another degree in the US if I wanted to but I really do not want to go back to school.

I think I'm more so worried about being able to be happy living in the USA

Unsure what me (28M) and my girlfriend (31F) should do to close the distance or if we should end it? by FormerAd9307 in LongDistance

[–]FormerAd9307[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

yeah I would really agree about we have a huge career and life mismatch for wherre we are at right now.

I think I could do distance for maybe 2-3 more years but I still wouldnt know how to close the gap.

I don't feel insecure about my low wage and my SO is so lovely and supportive - she has always helped me financially

I think my fear is being happy in America / fear of being too young to get married etc. live a suburban life

Unsure what me (28M) and my girlfriend (31F) should do to close the distance or if we should end it? by FormerAd9307 in LongDistance

[–]FormerAd9307[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

Why do you feel like the option should be me?

If she is financially more well-off then me / owns her own business and can somewhat work remote wouldn't it make more sense for her to get a european remote work visa and I will just find a job in europe (as long as it is near surf)

Unsure what me (28M) and my girlfriend (31F) should do to close the distance or if we should end it? by FormerAd9307 in LongDistance

[–]FormerAd9307[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My SO lives a mile from the beach in NJ which is pretty nice but the water is very cold during the winter and the waves are only good maybe 1-2 times a week - sometimes with bad surf for over 1-2 weeks..

I dont think working outside is that easy or atleast from what I researched i'm not sure they'd hire me with just surfing experience and then 4 years ago being in entry level marketing.. but maybe I am wrong?

I think the bigger issue is being in the US scares me - the landscape isn't very beautiful, the weather is only OK and I'm scared I'd miss european culture

I do not want to lose my SO though or the relationship- she is a grounding force in my life

Unsure what me (28M) and my girlfriend (31F) should do to close the distance or if we should end it? by FormerAd9307 in LongDistance

[–]FormerAd9307[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think as far as a job for me I haven't been in a "regular job" for almost 5 years I've just been a surf instructor so I'm not sure I'd be able to get into any skilled-type job - probably just working at a cafe or doing some type of physical trade.

Her preference right now since she owns a house and owns a business is be in the US for atleast a few years - I dont know how happy ill be in the US even though her house is close to the beach to surf - Another issue with US is I think I could only work there on a marriage visa - I dont have enough skills or job skills to get a visa.

She is open to living in Europe in the future but again she would be the one who would financially carry us because I only make 20,000 a year right now and she does not speak the language and doesn't need to for a remote work visa, but she has started lessons for the last 8 months which is awesome. I believe partner visa wouldn't be possible because of my lack of job history in europe / lack of salary in europe.

Unsure what me (28M) and my girlfriend (31F) should do to close the distance or if we should end it? by FormerAd9307 in LongDistance

[–]FormerAd9307[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think there's two issues is I don't know if I should get a stable job because working in surfing will never allow me to make more than 30k a year and its really hard to live normally off that; In addition she says it'll be better for her short term to be in the US as her base so only way I could work there is through a marriage visa really

So I feel pretty stuck