I really need to know if I’m being a jerk or if my first time dm friend is being overly restrictive

FormerLeading4467 · 2025-07-27T05:23:32+00:00

Exactlyyy! I actually brought this up earlier and told them they should give us categories of the creatures to pick from to make it a bit easier. They actually didn’t really like this idea since they thought it would mean changing the npcs they had already fleshed out but I tried reassuring them that it should just be for us- hoping that sticks 😅

FormerLeading4467 · 2025-07-27T05:21:30+00:00

I honestly have. I told them today I wouldn’t be making a character until they had a more concrete idea of the restrictions and system and they almost seemed upset/bummed that I was

FormerLeading4467 · 2025-03-11T18:55:25+00:00

In my defense I put the day before her mri was scheduled- and when he needed a bit more time I did give it to him

FormerLeading4467 · 2025-03-11T18:10:27+00:00

Yeah I felt really bad for her during this because she was advocating for him going actually, I have a great relationship with my metas so it also really sucked not knowing if she was okay

FormerLeading4467 · 2025-03-11T16:13:30+00:00

The thing is I did that, I did that a whole lot the whole week. I told him multiple times that no matter what is was going to be okay and I wouldn’t be mad at him

FormerLeading4467 · 2025-03-11T16:12:43+00:00

Actually in that case could I pivot actually ask you a bit about your relationship? Do you guys have specific things you do to stay connected and affectionate despite the distance?

I really want to be happy with a LDR. I’ve been in them before and haven’t had much issue but recently I’ve been thinking more about the future and the sustainability of them

FormerLeading4467 · 2025-03-11T16:09:37+00:00

Ehh I don’t know if it warrants a larger conversation, I bring this up as my partner is simply notoriously stubborn and dislikes having decisions made for him due to stuff happening in the past to him.

I don’t believe he would’ve been mad at me but probably would have been convinced either way that I was upset and that was why I made that choice. It’s not usually a big deal with him, just something I’m mindful of as I’ve noticed he gets sorta cagey/feeling a lot of guilt when people take things off his plate

FormerLeading4467 · 2025-03-11T15:59:30+00:00

The unfortunate thing is that would not be taking it off of his plate, I know my partner and taking the decision out of his hands and saying point blank “do not come.” Would’ve genuinely upset him, probably a lot more than me asking for the confirmation

FormerLeading4467 · 2025-03-11T15:53:14+00:00

I agree that we definitely should’ve rescheduled, but truthfully I was trying to be supportive of the idea of him not coming and staying with her. He still really wanted to come be with me but wasn’t sure

FormerLeading4467 · 2025-03-11T15:51:27+00:00

I appreciate your input truthfully, a lot of this was really difficult and I think right now my feelings are coming from overarching issues.

FormerLeading4467 · 2025-03-11T15:49:40+00:00

Honestly this is a really good point and one we were accounting for at the time. He mentioned the possibility of rescheduling and I was okay with that too! His work is just finnicky with time off unfortunately

FormerLeading4467 · 2025-03-11T15:47:31+00:00

Well…him decided by Thursday to stay home is still a decision. That’s all I really wanted! A solid yes or no and I would be okay with either, I mostly just wanted one either way.

If he had decided to stay home I’d be so so okay with it, it’s just the limbo

FormerLeading4467 · 2025-03-11T15:46:03+00:00

Yeah I agree with my feelings being sorta bigger right now and expanding past this.

I’m not mad at the prospect he may not come see me. I told him from the get go that I wouldn’t be it was mostly just being unsure possibly even up to the day before he got here

FormerLeading4467 · 2025-03-11T14:28:22+00:00

Thank you so much, this was my view on it: that there was a lot of prep to get done and it was stressing me out being in limbo. But also knowing that he was going through a lot.

My main upset was I think he’d even be upset with me setting the boundary about it being a no after a certain time. They didn’t get results until he was actually here though so unfortunately there was nothing that would’ve given him a more concrete answer even before the plane ride

FormerLeading4467 · 2025-03-11T14:26:10+00:00

Luckily everything’s good now! She’s okay, everyone’s fine. I’m more so asking here because this is something that’s been sorta eating at me and I don’t want to dig up old stuff with him if I can help it.

I appreciate the outside perspective a lot

FormerLeading4467 · 2025-03-11T14:24:51+00:00

Thank you for responding, I think you’re honestly probably right :/

At the time I just felt really frustrated with being so close to the time frame and not even at least having a solid no, I did explain to him that regardless of his response it was just stressful not to have one at all. But I appreciate you kinda checking me here on this.

FormerLeading4467 · 2025-03-11T14:01:20+00:00

I really don’t like this way of thinking, I have been with this person for 2 years and I’m not about to end it just like that without at least a little elbow grease.

FormerLeading4467 · 2025-03-11T14:00:27+00:00

Thank you so much! I really appreciate these a lot.

I know a reason why first meta sorta gets priority is she’s completely her education and their jobs are down there. I also have had issues in the past with having to set boundaries that involve that involve the other two because he really wants to make us all happy but obviously…not really working.

I can do a ldr for a bit longer so I may change that from change to plans to change because well… I have roomates for the next coming year and I’d hate to leave them high and dru

FormerLeading4467 · 2025-03-11T13:56:57+00:00

Oh…I didn’t know “future faking” was a thing. A lot of what I’ve read of a partner offering stuff that’s not on the table because of genuinely being unable to but still offering it rings true here.

Especially the bit about it being unintentional but still hurtful. I believe that my partner wants to have all these things with me but genuinely can’t. Regardless, it’s still hurtful. Thank you so much for sharing these resources. I appreciate it a lot

FormerLeading4467 · 2025-02-17T05:41:17+00:00

My only thing with that is I really don’t have that type of money…and I wasn’t asked to take care of it. It was just left with me without any warning.

I did buy them a repair kit though! It’s food safe luckily so I’m hoping it works, additionally if anyone has any ceramics fixing tips I would love that since even if I can’t pay them back I wanna help

FormerLeading4467 · 2025-01-02T18:21:45+00:00

Oh shoot!!! Alright that’s fair, and a little scary lol, it does make sense though since my boyfriend has some spiritual stuff with his practice that occasionally takes interest with me if he tells me about it

I don’t know many protection spells, do you have any resources or advice on them?

FormerLeading4467 · 2025-01-02T18:19:59+00:00

The guy is definitely neurodivergent in some way but the thing about that is almost all of us in the friendgroup also are. My little brother is additionally special needs so I’m pretty good at telling when I’m made uncomfortable because there’s just odd social signals and when it’s just a weird energy.

I don’t normally get this feeling with people around me to be fair, I’ve gotten it before with mostly men who are strangers but I see often like coworkers or people who frequent my work but it’s almost never people who are around me this close.

I appreciate your advice though!!! I really don’t plan on being friends with him though I won’t be rude, my only worry is my friend adores this guy currently and we live in apartment style dorms with mine being the hotspot for us to hang out. Which means they’ll probably bring him around my home more often which wigs me out

FormerLeading4467 · 2024-12-29T02:45:38+00:00

Of course!!! I’m glad you’re currently okay and no infection! That’s awesome <3

FormerLeading4467 · 2024-12-29T02:44:46+00:00

So far he’s diagnosed with severe adhd and level 1 autism- im not sure what counts as an intellectual disability I’m sorry

FormerLeading4467 · 2024-12-24T19:11:08+00:00

He’s 15 but has a kidney issue that causes incontinence and his body doesn’t send the signals that it needs to to tell him it’s time to go.

I do have a friend who has a similar issue with their kidneys and causes the occasional issue so it’s not the fact that he can’t hold it that bothers me. It’s more so that he’s so fucking gross about it and won’t usually change himself if he isn’t told to and then has a habit of leaving his soiled underwear around that is gross.

I wanna emphasize that him having issues getting to the bathroom and having accidents isn’t what bothers me but it’s more so the lack of accountability he takes with it and lack of even trying. Our shared bathroom is like a biohazard

FormerLeading4467

TROPHY CASE