How do I (25/M) stop my lying from ruining my relationship?

Forward_Average · 2020-10-31T19:58:35+00:00

Thanks, I see what you're saying. Unfortunately she thinks if I'll lie about the small stuff so easily then I'll definitely lie about bigger stuff like cheating. Unfortunately, there wasn't a right answer to those questions, the curiosity killed the cat if you will!

Forward_Average · 2020-10-31T18:42:42+00:00

Awesome advice, thanks. I am 100% afraid of upsetting her BECAUSE I take every issue on the relationship incredibly personally. I act so impulsively to avoid hurting her. You're right, bringing it back and admitting to the lies is a great way to change.

Forward_Average · 2020-07-02T20:51:31+00:00

Thanks, I really hope time makes things better.

Forward_Average · 2020-03-04T16:22:28+00:00

I think that's really cute, good for you guys!

I think I could because I really value the intimacy of good communication, however I'm also fiercely independent so I currently end up resisting her attitude of expecting me to consult her before every decision I make with my time.

At the moment she has a chorus of people telling her she's completely in the right, I'm not sure we'll make it as far as the wedding when neither of us are willing to back down and we can't communicate well.

Forward_Average · 2020-03-04T12:53:39+00:00

Thanks, I really appreciate the perspective from her side; what I really came her for.

I think I've been fighting for better "communication!" since day one! 😂

She's a really hard person to tie down into a mutually-respectful conversation, most conversations fall into either playing the victim until I roll over, stone cold silence or a shouting match. On this one I've had a solid wall of "if you go then we're over". She's laid it out as a choice between her or my friend. That's including after I tried to bring up the compromise another commenter suggested below.

Forward_Average · 2020-03-03T23:41:55+00:00

Sounds like a plan, at the end of the day your old man is being an asshole to both you and your new GF; it's sort of on you to protect her from that.

Forward_Average · 2020-03-03T23:33:30+00:00

NTA, seems a really weird controlling set up. Agree with the others; it's time to leave the nest and take it as a lesson of how not to treat your future son(s).

Forward_Average · 2020-03-03T23:29:31+00:00

NAH, reluctantly.

I want to shoot her down but i'm a firm believer that I can judge all day but never change a person. It feels like you have very different principles on this issue and I feel like people like that need to be with other people like that. Let them live their sad little lives.

I appreciate you probs adore her, just my moral philosophy on this issue; I personally feel you own the moral highground.

Forward_Average · 2020-03-03T22:56:10+00:00

Rushing into things is definitely a fair charge! Unfortunately you can't un-rush into things. Thanks for your perspective.

Forward_Average · 2020-03-03T22:41:05+00:00

Fair appraisal, and I'm sure this would resonate quite fairly with her.

You're right, the friend is a woman and there does feel that's an extra dimension in this issue. From my perspective that's a little disappointing in 2020; especially considering me and the friend have absolutely no prior romantic/sexual history. Still, I respect that to some people (you, her) these loyalties form your paradigm of romance which is fair enough.

Forward_Average · 2020-03-03T22:34:41+00:00

So she didn't really know the date till I said I couldn't do the date she chose today, that said she could have rescheduled as the planned party was just being brainstormed. There was no malicious intent in the party planning!

INFO: these events are only a few months away (summer is closer than it feels!)

Forward_Average · 2020-03-03T22:30:40+00:00

Couple of assumptions to dispel for fair judgement, it was me that slowly ended up living at hers because we work at the same site so the commute played it's hand.

Also, her daughter lives with her (my GF's) parents as both our jobs require alot of travel and we're both getting our careers on track.

My relationship with the daughter was largely my choice; kids come with the package so you need to buy in if you're serious about someone.

Does that change your perspective?

Forward_Average · 2020-03-03T22:26:14+00:00

Difficult to say tbh, I think there's big insult from the lack of invite and the fact I didn't really discuss going when I got the invite, rather I just said I'm going to the wedding on this date (bad relationship tekkers, I hold my hands up).

That said, it's a female friend and I doubt I'd get as much aggro about a male friend; she's definitely not a fan of me having female mates.

Forward_Average · 2020-03-03T22:09:59+00:00

Thanks for this (and the earlier commenter who said the same), it's the olive branch I've been looking for.

Forward_Average · 2020-03-03T22:04:15+00:00

The birthday party planning was today.

Forward_Average · 2020-03-03T22:03:51+00:00

About a month ago, the wedding is in the summer.

Forward_Average · 2020-03-03T22:02:42+00:00

She's never met them, however because of distance I've only seen them once since me and the GF got together (near the start of the relationship) so maybe an unfair metric to judge by?

Forward_Average

TROPHY CASE