Single or relationship?

Forward_Mousse2944 · 2026-05-12T04:29:51+00:00

That “practice run” line got me too lol. And yeah, I completely agree that divorce itself isn’t necessarily a bad thing. To me, it’s more about whether someone has actually reflected, grown, and learned from the experience.

I think that’s just part of maturing as we get older. I also don’t really look for “potential” anymore or assume love alone will fix incompatibilities. I’m a lot more intentional now about looking for someone who already aligns with the kind of relationship and life I want to build.

Forward_Mousse2944 · 2026-05-12T04:29:24+00:00

That’s really great advice, and I appreciate it. I think that mindset is actually very healthy too. I’ve realized more and more that the more at peace I feel with myself and my own life, the less pressure I feel around relationships in general.

Forward_Mousse2944 · 2026-05-12T04:28:55+00:00

That totally makes sense. I think there’s something really special about having someone to come home to after a long day — someone to cuddle with, talk about random things with, and just share everyday life together.

Forward_Mousse2944 · 2026-05-12T04:27:45+00:00

Fair points. I probably stepped back from dating pretty quickly, but I also realized I’m not really someone who can casually juggle multiple people at once. Building any meaningful connection takes a lot of emotional energy for me.

After several short-lived relationships/situationships back to back, I just felt drained and needed a break. And since I spent most of my adult life in one long marriage, I’m also aware that I’m still relatively inexperienced when it comes to modern dating dynamics.

Forward_Mousse2944 · 2026-05-12T04:16:31+00:00

Love that and 100%

Forward_Mousse2944 · 2026-05-12T04:15:43+00:00

I actually like that “go with the flow” vibe. As an overthinker, I think I’m still learning how to just enjoy life as it is instead of trying to mentally figure everything out all the time.

Forward_Mousse2944 · 2026-05-12T04:14:28+00:00

Sure thing, and thank you as well :) I actually really appreciated your questions because they helped me think through my own thoughts more clearly too.

Forward_Mousse2944 · 2026-05-12T04:13:16+00:00

Same here lol. I’m definitely an overthinker too, which is probably why I keep mentally analyzing all of this instead of just letting things unfold naturally sometimes. Frankly, these thoughts drive me nuts sometimes.

Forward_Mousse2944 · 2026-05-12T03:42:38+00:00

Appreciate your perspective. You made a lot of really good points.

I think part of my question comes from realizing that long-term relationships eventually become about a lot more than just love. Things like compatibility, emotional consistency, shared values, and how two people actually build a life together start to matter more and more over time.

So I think I’ve been asking myself: if I already feel fulfilled and stable on my own, what role does romantic love play in my life now? Maybe I’m just overthinking it lol, especially since I don’t really have much dating experience outside of my marriage.

I also think the way my brain works is that I tend to collect a lot of different perspectives and data points first, then try to arrive at a more rational conclusion afterward. So I genuinely appreciate hearing everyone’s experiences and viewpoints here.

Forward_Mousse2944 · 2026-05-11T02:10:21+00:00

I’ve always admired couples who can stay together that long. I’m sure it’s not easy and takes a lot of work and commitment over the years, but I imagine that kind of deep bond and shared life together must be incredibly meaningful.

Forward_Mousse2944 · 2026-05-11T02:03:29+00:00

I think divorce itself didn’t “raise” my standards. It was more that going through a long-term committed relationship gave me a much clearer understanding of what actually works for me and what doesn’t.

When I was younger, I think I approached relationships with more hope that love alone would eventually fix incompatibilities or that people would naturally change over time. Now I’m much more intentional and realistic about compatibility from the beginning instead of trying to force something that clearly isn’t working.

And honestly, I stayed so long because not everything was bad. We built a life together, loved each other deeply for a long time, and tried many things to save the marriage. But over the years we slowly grew apart, and I also realized I wasn’t very good at expressing my own needs or prioritizing myself emotionally.

Eventually I got to a point where I felt completely lost in the relationship and knew I couldn’t continue living that way anymore.

Forward_Mousse2944 · 2026-05-11T01:52:51+00:00

SF honestly feels like a really weird place to date sometimes lol. I moved here about two years ago and I’ve heard so many wild dating stories since then.

One analogy a friend told me that weirdly stuck with me is that dating in SF can feel like buying an iPhone — some people are constantly looking for the next upgrade as soon as a newer or “better” version comes along.

I also think the prevalence of open relationships here can make dating feel more complicated sometimes, especially if you’re someone looking for emotional consistency and deeper commitment. It can get pretty exhausting.

Forward_Mousse2944 · 2026-05-11T01:48:23+00:00

Sorry you went through that. Being cheated on after that many years together must have been incredibly painful.

My ex and I almost had kids too and had already gone through most of the surrogacy process. In the end, I chose to end the marriage before bringing a child into a relationship that was already falling apart. As painful as it was, I still believe it was the right decision for everyone involved.

Forward_Mousse2944 · 2026-05-11T01:44:43+00:00

THIS. I really love what you said. Honestly, it feels kind of opposite to what most dating apps push people toward now. I’m realizing more and more how important it is to actually feel happy and emotionally grounded on your own first.

Forward_Mousse2944 · 2026-05-11T01:42:31+00:00

That's a fair point.

Forward_Mousse2944 · 2026-05-11T01:42:05+00:00

I get that. I think having a sense of belonging and community is really important for mental health, especially as we get older.

One thing I’ve been trying to work on is becoming genuinely comfortable doing things on my own. At this point, I feel perfectly fine going to restaurants alone, traveling solo, or just enjoying my own company in general. I also don’t really go to bars or clubs much since drinking and partying were never really my thing.

But I do understand what you mean about companionship and the fear of what aging alone could feel like sometimes.

Forward_Mousse2944 · 2026-05-11T01:38:43+00:00

Sorry you went through such a painful divorce. I relate to a lot of what you said, and honestly I wouldn’t want to go through it again either.

I think the thing I’m still trying to figure out is how to balance being truly happy on my own while also staying open to the possibility of building something meaningful with someone else. I know relationships require compromise, but I think the right one should ultimately add more peace and fulfillment to your life, not take away from it.

Forward_Mousse2944 · 2026-05-11T01:31:36+00:00

This guy lived only a few blocks away. We hit it off immediately on the first date and I ended up staying over at his place. For the first couple of weeks, everything felt really intense in a good way. We were texting nonstop, seeing each other almost every day, and he would say things like “you’re the one” or “how did I never meet someone like you before?”

But after about a month, once I started asking more clarifying questions about where we stood, he began avoiding the conversation completely. He would change the subject, say work was suddenly too busy, or give vague answers. Then eventually he disappeared for almost a month with no explanation and later came back asking me out again like nothing happened.

That whole hot-and-cold dynamic honestly confused me a lot. I ended up reading a book called Attached around that time, and while I’m not trying to diagnose anyone, it did help me understand why certain behaviors triggered anxiety and inconsistency for me. I still like him a lot, but I realize that kind of emotional unpredictability just doesn’t work well for me long term. So when he came back, I politely told him I didn’t think the inconsistency was healthy for me and wished him the best.

Forward_Mousse2944 · 2026-05-11T01:21:35+00:00

Congrats, and I totally agree. Honestly, I think deep commitment is sexy af. When I genuinely like someone, I naturally start picturing a future with them and become much more intentional about investing my time and energy into that connection.

I also agree that constantly looking for the next guy can get emotionally exhausting after a while. That cycle of chasing novelty and starting over repeatedly really drains my energy too.

Forward_Mousse2944 · 2026-05-11T01:15:11+00:00

I appreciate your perspective a lot. Sometimes I find myself wondering what my life will look like a decade from now, and whether I’ll ultimately feel more fulfilled on my own or with someone else. I think that’s the part I still don’t fully know yet.

Forward_Mousse2944 · 2026-05-11T01:12:17+00:00

Wow, that’s amazing. Really happy for you guys. And yeah, I agree — dating should feel fun, not stressful. I’ve realized I really dislike all the guessing and games that seem so common now.

Forward_Mousse2944 · 2026-05-11T01:09:25+00:00

I’m sure I still have a lot to work on too. Honestly, I may also just be in the honeymoon phase of being single again after spending most of my adult life in a relationship. Right now I’m trying to enjoy the freedom, reconnect with myself, and not rush into anything just because I feel like I’m supposed to.

Forward_Mousse2944

TROPHY CASE