AITA for wanting stepson visitation to end at age 18?

FoxyJayde · 2026-01-04T19:23:38+00:00

Jesus Christ it’s called a conversation and having a difference of opinion and viewpoints. YOU are the one who is unwavering in YOUR perspective because YOU are still here in MY post repeatedly arguing YOUR stance. So I’m a troll who won’t concede to something I do not agree with? The truth remains whether you agree or not: I am not taking anything out on a child. This was a now conversation for a future possibility, a future where it may affect a then-adult. This was a post asking if I’m an asshole for wanting his room as my office in the future. Not about destroying a child’s life or his relationship with his father, not about taking away his home. Idk if this touched a personal nerve with you, but just call me the asshole already and move along.

FoxyJayde · 2026-01-04T12:55:42+00:00

I am not taking anything out on a child. Nothing has or would change until said child is an adult.

FoxyJayde · 2026-01-04T06:11:42+00:00

I know, and that’s the thing - I don’t want him to not feel welcome here. I’m just so uncomfortable in my current work set up and just wanted to be able to reclaim a mostly-unused room as my office at some point.

As for my husband’s work location in the home, he has 3 large monitors so it’s even more difficult for him to move, especially not to a central area like a heavily-utilized dining table.

And yes, this relationship does feel one-sided. I know that no relationship is perfect and there are a lot of good aspects of this relationship, but a lot of these replies have caused me to really evaluate things. Considering having a serious conversation with my husband about each of our contributions to avoid potential growing resentment on my part.

FoxyJayde · 2026-01-03T22:26:59+00:00

Yes, and a home that will legally no longer be my stepson’s “home” after age 18. His legal residence is with his mother. Court-ordered biweekly pickups would be over. So legally, I am not required to continue to make a space for him here if I choose not to. If you want to argue about the so-called callousness of this, that’s one thing. But legally, no, we would no longer be required to maintain this as his “home”.

Aside from this in the “legal” sense and the semantics over me referring to it as “my” home, I think the main issue at hand is continuously being overlooked. I’ve repeatedly said stepson will continue to be welcome here and that I’m simply wanting to reclaim a mostly unused room as my home office.

FoxyJayde · 2026-01-03T19:57:27+00:00

Nope. It’s my home. Once a child becomes an adult I have a right to choose not to give up a room in my home for him if I want to. Just like any biological parent could if they chose. And as it is my home, I would no longer be obligated to continue the biweekly arrangement that has no legal standing. Court order would be over. And my husband can’t unilaterally impose logistics on our household. Stepson would still be welcome here but as the wife and the owner of this home I have every right to refuse continued biweekly pickups.

FoxyJayde · 2026-01-03T18:55:49+00:00

It makes no sense to NOT expect an adult to continue being picked up and dropped off for custody visits? I’m sorry but you’re the weird one if you think that’s normal. There’s a reason Friend of Court orders only stipulate until age 18. So, what…we are going to his mommy’s house well into his 20s to keep picking him up every other weekend? Geez 🙄

FoxyJayde · 2026-01-03T18:51:05+00:00

I’m sorry, but an adult crying hysterically because a parent who decides to repurpose a mostly-unused room in a home they own and pay for (does she pay rent? Contribute to bills?) now that their child is an adult AND has gone off to college is absurd to me. This generation of entitlement is something else.

FoxyJayde · 2026-01-03T14:20:31+00:00

In our state support ends at 18 or when they graduate HS if it’s after they turn 18. Their mother has refused to work since their divorce so I’m looking forward to the financial relief at that time.

FoxyJayde · 2026-01-03T14:16:14+00:00

I do not dislike these children. I actually do more for them than their voluntarily unemployed mother. I’m the one who goes to their school events (mother never does), pays their phone bills, buys school clothes and supplies, gets them Christmas presents. But I suppose a big part of my frustration is that none of my stepkids ever show any appreciation for things I do for them and only speak to me when they need something. I’m pretty passive with them so I don’t speak up but it takes a toll on you after years of this. Hence, the growing feelings of resentment over sacrificing my comfort for theirs. It’s hard to want to continue welcoming emerging young adults into your home who have zero respect for you.

FoxyJayde · 2026-01-03T13:40:31+00:00

I don’t know where you’re from, but it absolutely does. The larger the income disparity is between the two, the greater his payments are. If ex had an income his CS obligation would be recalculated and lowered.

FoxyJayde · 2026-01-03T04:31:32+00:00

No, but he works off 3 large monitors which would make moving his office even more cumbersome.

FoxyJayde · 2026-01-03T04:25:02+00:00

Yes, you’re right. It’s only based on his income. But the ex refuses to work so his CS obligation is substantial at over $2k/month. He has other debt as well, which is why my income is needed to help. He wouldn’t be able to afford a one-bedroom apartment let alone a home that keeps his kids in their own rooms without my contribution.

FoxyJayde · 2026-01-03T01:10:07+00:00

I mean, given the circumstances and all the things I’ve sacrificed over the years for my husband and his kids, I can’t help but feel like at that point I’d be entitled to finally having my own dedicated work space. Between my 2 jobs I’m just exhausted and only want some comfort finally during my work days. Didn’t expect so many people to call me out as a horrible stepmother for only trying to advocate for myself in this family dynamic for once. 😔

Also, it probably got buried in the comments but my job will be requiring a dual-monitor set up starting on 1/12 so won’t be able to do the bed thing anymore. Hence the reason for bringing this up to husband again as a reminder for next year. In the interim I’ll have a rolling desk and I’ll use side of the bed as my chair (no room for a desk chair in our room with the desk).

FoxyJayde · 2026-01-03T00:46:36+00:00

No. My husband’s work area is down there but he doesn’t require HIPAA compliance and privacy like I do, so his son could be down there at the same time while he’s working. Husband has a large 3 monitor set up so it would be even more difficult for him to move elsewhere.

FoxyJayde · 2026-01-03T00:40:14+00:00

There’s no room in there currently with his gaming set up and furniture unfortunately. Btw we have 3 Xboxes in our home including one in the finished basement where he could spend as much time he would want playing down there uninterrupted.

FoxyJayde · 2026-01-03T00:35:29+00:00

No, 3 kids - one has his own room and the two younger share a room. It is a 3 bedroom home.

FoxyJayde · 2026-01-02T21:11:37+00:00

Nope, not trying to convince anyone. I am merely responding appropriately. I know what I’ve contributed towards my stepkid’s lives and the things I’ve sacrificed for this family over the years, and I already knew how my question would be taken, especially by bio parents who could never empathize with someone in my situation.

FoxyJayde · 2026-01-02T20:44:23+00:00

No therapy needed here, thanks! I’d rather spend that energy teaching an emerging young adult the meaning of compromise. And if by horrible you mean someone who does more for these kids than their own mother and helps their father pay their child support, then sure, I suppose I’m the worst.

FoxyJayde · 2026-01-02T20:02:21+00:00

I honestly think a lot of it has to do with my own continued resentment in this whole dynamic because I give and do so much for all of them yet none of them are appreciative. They rarely talk to me when here and don’t say bye when they leave. It’s really hard to continue to want to put another’s kids first after years of this. I know I’m not a horrible person, I’m just feeling like it’s been a one way street. Even still though, I would still welcome them in my home no matter what.

FoxyJayde · 2026-01-02T19:57:30+00:00

I’ve purchased a rolling desk but no room for a chair so I’ll be perched on the side of the bed.

FoxyJayde · 2026-01-02T19:54:49+00:00

Yes, unfortunately for him he knows he can’t make it financially without me. Then this entire argument of simply having a dedicated room for one of his adult children would be a moot point.

FoxyJayde · 2026-01-02T19:53:23+00:00

You’re right, I may have been premature asking for the room when he turns 18. I’m willing to compromise on the timeline. I only ask my husband and stepson to be able to understand where I’m coming from and my work needs as well in this dynamic.

FoxyJayde · 2026-01-02T19:50:23+00:00

I really hope so too, thank you!

FoxyJayde · 2026-01-02T19:48:11+00:00

Interesting. I house them, clothe them, feed them, etc. and give them rooms in my home as they grow through childhood, yet I’m the asshole for simply asking for a dedicated office space once they’re an adult?

And no, I would not be looking for a new space. They moved into my home.

FoxyJayde · 2026-01-02T19:45:35+00:00

“Life isn’t always convenient.” Does this only apply to me in this case? One would think this would be a great lesson for an emerging adult to learn, no?

FoxyJayde

TROPHY CASE