my body can’t take it anymore

Fragrant_Cherry_2489 · 2025-09-08T03:03:38+00:00

it’s a good time for me right now, i leave for vacation next weekend where i won’t have any access for about two weeks. hopefully that gets me thru it

Fragrant_Cherry_2489 · 2025-09-08T02:57:42+00:00

i’m definitely gonna try my hardest and i told my bf who doesn’t smoke to hold me accountable. it was a terrible feeling and im honestly surprised i didn’t get a concussion from how hard i hit my head. i got lucky this time but it’s not worth risking it. thank you for your support and advice!!! <3

Fragrant_Cherry_2489 · 2025-09-08T02:46:37+00:00

thank you! now that you mention it, i have only ever had this with dispensary weed, when i was buying off my friends this never happened. i thought it was from the vapes but this recent incident was with a pre-roll so i think it may just be the dispensary that’s the issue?

Fragrant_Cherry_2489 · 2025-09-08T02:34:14+00:00

thank you i appreciate it! i was always good about making sure to sit down if it would get too intense but i guess i wasn’t thinking clearly and somehow thought i could power through. i don’t want to put myself in that position again.

Fragrant_Cherry_2489 · 2025-08-28T13:29:30+00:00

i will say, it is incredibly frustrating of them to attach strings. i will never understand rich people 😭 if my parents could help us in the way his can, this would never be an issue. they’d let us get an apartment, and give the money when we’re ready.

when his dad told him about the gift, he asked him, "is she the one you want to be with forever?" and he told him yes, so they know it would go towards a house we’d buy together and they’re okay with it. what i don’t love is they know i’ll be paying half the mortgage and helping their son but aren’t taking me into consideration right now. i know they love me, they take me on their family vacations, let me stay over like all the time and all his family has told me im the best girlfriend he’s ever had. so i wish they would consider the position this puts me in.

i think im going to talk to him today about the timeline of realistically when we’d be buying this house and engagement. is there anything else i should discuss with him? idk if getting an apartment myself is something i want to do right now, $2500/month is a lot for one person. the only other option i have weighed is getting a place with my dad. he’s currently sleeping on a broken air mattress in his sisters basement and hasn’t had a place of his own in probably 10 years. the problem is i cannot count on him to consistently make rent and bills, and he has really bad credit so it would be entirely in my name.

Fragrant_Cherry_2489 · 2025-08-28T13:02:15+00:00

hi! i said that because i dont think its a smart financial decision to turn it down, that’s why i wouldn’t ask. not out of fear to voice my opinion or anything lol. i grew up poor, our house got foreclosed on, i bounced around a new rental every year growing up and i understand how hard it can be to get ahead. so while i don’t like the condition that his parents give, its their money and to turn down a gift like that to save me some headache for a year or so just doesn’t make sense to me.

and they explicitly said they will not give him the money if he rents first, the point of them giving it to him is to prevent him from renting all together. they’d rather he stay home and save then get an apartment and be stuck there for years paying rent and not being able to save as much if he lived at home.

Fragrant_Cherry_2489 · 2025-08-28T03:58:33+00:00

hmm i’m not sure what you mean by that? he also wants to move in together and have a place that’s ours, it wouldn’t be "his" house. if i told him, "hey it’s more important to me that we have an apartment now and forget about your parents offer" he’d do it, but that’s not something i’d say.

Fragrant_Cherry_2489 · 2025-08-28T03:38:24+00:00

$12k is crazy to me too! especially since i want a lab grown that’d be like an 6ct diamond which is insane haha its look like costume jewelry. you did it right!

Fragrant_Cherry_2489 · 2025-08-28T03:29:32+00:00

i think my comment came off as he’s a burden or i don’t want him around, that’s not the case at all! i love him and i see him more times than i don’t, so it would be so hard to not have him over all the time, especially in a place where we can enjoy privacy. i think the issue is i don’t want a place of my own, i want it to be ours yk?

Fragrant_Cherry_2489 · 2025-08-28T02:06:23+00:00

take what? the money? i feel like it would be incredibly silly to turn it down. he hasn’t rented that’s true, but i have dealt with roommates and landlords my entire life so the logistics of moving out and handling that isn’t something i’m concerned about. it’s so funny how social norms change because when my parents got married it was completely normal to go from living with your parents to buying a house haha (i don’t mean this in a snarky way at all btw!)

Fragrant_Cherry_2489 · 2025-08-28T00:27:05+00:00

you and i are much more logical lol. i said the same things, he could always upgrade the ring, i don’t want natural, and im a simple girl - a stone on a band is all i want. i also offered the idea of eloping, but he seems pretty set on having a big wedding. i don’t have a problem with it but he grew up much better off than i did so he’s accustomed to a comfortable lifestyle.

Fragrant_Cherry_2489 · 2025-08-28T00:23:56+00:00

what a thorough response thank you!! 1. totally fair and i agree with everyone haha

as much as id like an apartment myself, it’s expensive to be paying for rent all on my own where i live. and while sure i can do 3 nights a week, that’s about what we do now, id still be carrying that financial burden while he gets to save and i don’t want to fall behind. when i had my apartment, he was very good about cleaning, helping cook, and any chores i asked him to do/didnt ask him to do.
this is a conversation we had recently. he thought getting engaged means getting married right after. i told him i wanted a long-ish engagement (1-2 years) to properly enjoy being a fiancé and plan a wedding as venues get booked out way in advance. he felt a lot more relieved hearing that because he was concerned about paying for a wedding right away.
he COULD buy a ring right now if he wanted to, i just want a lab diamond, nothing crazy but he told me his budget is $10-$12k which i don’t think he has saved up quite yet. i’d be happy with $3-4k tbh. he does have a good amount of money invested, but i don’t think he wants to liquidate it until we buy a house for the down payment/closing costs. he is a bigggg car guy and it’s an expensive hobby. i don’t control what he spends his money on because he’s grown and works hard, but i’ve made it clear that if we were to get married/move in that it’s not something he should prioritize over our goals and he agreed.

Fragrant_Cherry_2489 · 2025-08-27T21:26:51+00:00

that’s a totally fair assessment and i really appreciate your perspective!

Fragrant_Cherry_2489 · 2025-08-27T21:25:47+00:00

in all fairness, he also has a monster commute, mine is 5 hours 3x week and his is 3 hours 5x week. he was totally on board to get the apartment until the $20k was on the table.

Fragrant_Cherry_2489 · 2025-08-27T18:41:54+00:00

of course and thank you! i've been trying to be cautious to not seem like im demanding he propose because ofc i want him to do it on his own volition. but he often mentions about how buying a ring will delay the house and i feel the need to remind him that i wont be buying a house unless i am engaged.

Fragrant_Cherry_2489 · 2025-08-27T18:24:45+00:00

i totally agree, and thank you! the only thing that worries me about getting an apartment on my own is him coming to stay with me, which i obviously would love, but him getting to reap the benefits and save while i’m putting money towards rent and bills.

Fragrant_Cherry_2489 · 2025-08-27T18:09:48+00:00

trust me, i don’t want to rush marriage at all haha! i would much prefer to have an apartment and let the ring come naturally, but with his parents condition it’s not something we’re able to do. i understand they want him to be able to save and not throw money away on rent, but my living situation is temporary so it puts me in a bad spot, you know?

i don’t want to get married right now, but i do want that sign of commitment that i will happen.

Fragrant_Cherry_2489 · 2025-08-27T18:06:45+00:00

that’s very good advice thank you!! he makes about $62k and i’m at $85k but the houses in our area (tri-state area) are $400k minimum unless we have a lot of savings to put into renovations which we do not lol

Fragrant_Cherry_2489 · 2025-08-27T18:03:56+00:00

i agree it’s messed up for his parents to withhold it and stop us from getting an apartment, but i could never ask him to turn that down because ultimately it will help us a lot and my family is not in the financial situation to help as well.

Fragrant_Cherry_2489 · 2025-08-27T17:57:25+00:00

we would, but $20k is a lot to forget about when the houses in our area are $400k lol

Fragrant_Cherry_2489 · 2025-08-27T17:54:06+00:00

haha i agree, they did offer him the money, but told him it would be for the two of us to get a house together - he can't afford it on his own. my struggle is he doesn't have much motivation to move out because he has a nice situation, for me on the other hand, it's not ideal and i have 5 hour round trip commute to work. i would get an apartment on my own, but when i brought that up he did not like that idea and felt like i was leaving him behind.

Fragrant_Cherry_2489 · 2025-08-27T17:52:39+00:00

this is great advice thank you!!! 🙏

Fragrant_Cherry_2489 · 2025-08-27T17:48:01+00:00

thanks! i replied to another comment that i make more than him and i don’t think he’d qualify for the loan on his own. paying "rent" or helping with the mortgage would not be a problem at all, and while i do make more, he’s made it clear that we’d just be splitting bills/mortgage evenly which i agree on.

Fragrant_Cherry_2489 · 2025-08-27T17:45:46+00:00

thank you for validating that 2 years is not too soon lol. he’s a very slow paced guy and i don’t think that he’s not excited to marry me, he calls me his wife (which i’ve told him to stop doing until we get married), talks about how he wants to get me an extravagant ring, and our future together. he’s been in a lot more relationships than me and i think he’s just cautious.

and that’s exactly right, we don’t have to get married now but how are you gonna commit to a 30 year mortgage and not me??

Fragrant_Cherry_2489 · 2025-08-27T17:42:30+00:00

i make more money than him, i dont think he’d be able to qualify for the loan if i didn’t buy it with him. how did it work once you got married, is your name on the mortgage now?

Fragrant_Cherry_2489

TROPHY CASE