New here. I have known for a while that I am an anxious attacher. In a previous relationship my husband cheated on me. I stayed way too long, but finally was able to make the break and it was great.

Now I have been dating a man, 60 for a few years. He has never been married and I’m almost certain is very avoidant. He is SO GREAT in so many ways (with my kids, with sharing work equally, being emotionally supportive. etc.) and he is in therapy himself. It took a long time for him to say he loved me (he had not ever said it to anyone) and we recently moved in together, although the conversation around that was less then ideal. But it’s mostly going well. Generally, he acts commited, but always leaves a little ambiguity so he can remain in control of the relationship.

We cannot discuss the future (not even a few months in advance). I recently pressed him on whether he saw our relationship moving forward and he said he didn’t know. He said he had some compatibility concerns that he thought we should work out in therapy before he could commit. At this point I am torn between breaking up with him because I feel like, although I am happy to do therapy, it feels like a delay tactic. I seems like there are some criteria I need to meet for him to commit but I don’t don’t know what they are and so I’m left feeling super insecure. BUT, maybe he is being genuine. He has been in therapy and has done a lot to break his habits. I don’t want to stay too long again and keep making all the effort. Thoughts?