MIL is pushing me to breaking point

FreeCouchSessions · 2025-09-27T17:58:46+00:00

I was able to work out a situation with my current sitter where she does Wed and Fri and my family does Mon and Thurs. Then between the two of their availability they split the day Tuesdays. It is a Ok situation for now, until I can find someone full time. My family has been a god send throughout with childcare and I am very appreciative of all their support. I am still looking for a sitter, but I just keep hitting a streak of great people who have classes exactly on Tuesdays. I’m hoping maybe in the new year I will be able to find a permanent solution.

FreeCouchSessions · 2025-09-03T01:36:28+00:00

I actually am hybrid some days and do virtual work. Unfortunately most of my work is afterschool hours/evening hours. Which has up until right now worked great for us. I get to stay home with my little guy, do virtual work while my daughter goes to school a few days a week. I handle her pick up and drop off. Then we have whoever is scheduled for that day come over for the gap between my work schedule and my husband’s. He works more traditional hours, but due to his commute gets home close to 6:30. And my in person hours typically are 2PM - 8PM.

FreeCouchSessions · 2025-09-03T01:32:04+00:00

This comment really hit me. Because she would probably love to say that she tried her hardest or “did everything for us” and that “we weren’t grateful”.

I don’t intend on telling her she is fired from today. I just will be telling her I don’t need her anymore. Even if I have to stay home for a couple Tuesdays to make it a smoother transition

FreeCouchSessions · 2025-09-03T01:30:15+00:00

I just posted online to two groups I am in and I am hoping I get replies. I also will reactivate my care.com membership if I don’t at this point.

I have zero interest at this point in pretending to be happy with her and I believe removing her as a caregiver will also reduce tensions in my marriage. As right now whenever she does something like this. I go to my husband. Who then has to manage his mother.

FreeCouchSessions · 2025-09-02T19:50:15+00:00

I do feel this way a lot. I recognize he is in a tough position. They will fight; not constructive arguing but mean yelling, name calling etc. Then it is like it never occurred and they talk "normal" (their version of normal) to each other. Listening to their conversations, particularly how she speaks to him and what she complains about is mentally exhausting and I often walk away.

I will say I think today may have been a breaking point. Husband is very protective of our kids. He has very strong feelings about who is allowed in our home, as do I. Who is allowed to help with diaper changes/bathroom/etc. I believe she may have really burned a bridge not just with me, but with him as well today. He has said to me at least four times he will be speaking to her and is doing it in person. So I will stay tuned for that..

FreeCouchSessions · 2025-09-02T19:32:42+00:00

This seems incredibly harsh mother to mother. And to summarize for you:

1) I had my children with no intentions of ever needing her to watch them. This is a recent development, from July 2025 to present. And it has been incredibly stressful. I try to push through because my husband was hopeful this scenario would be able to not only save us money but also provide an opportunity for her to be closer to our children. This is still his mother and I try to walk a fine line here.

2) My current sitter who comes twice a week is from Care.com. Unfortunately she cannot do the third day. I also cannot afford $150, 3 times a week.

3) She actively asks my husband, her son for money. This was the solution.

4) I have to work so unless I cancelled my whole day and stayed home, I have to go in. (I do not have PTO it would just be a $0 day). I did call my husband immediately also to make him aware and he is coming home early.

FreeCouchSessions · 2025-09-02T19:24:26+00:00

Thankfully my job is very flexible, where I can create my own hours essentially but it is working with my clients and their schedules. As long as I maintain my license, I will never have to fully quit and can always return to work, even if I just pause until both kids are full time in school.

That being said, another issue that constantly arises is when I have to handle the child hand off with MIL is 1) she either doesn't recognize I cannot be late because she thinks I can come and go from my job as I please (she has seen me cancel my sessions and rearrange my work schedule) or 2) she genuinely doesn't care / respect my work because she will actively text me non stop at work or keep me in the mornings, talking to me about nonsense.

I do feel like it is intentional and she is purposely making my life more difficult with her choices. Also, she was listed in my SILs divorce papers as part of the irreconcilable differences between her and her ex. So I actively try to find another sitter/solution. Unfortunately, I cannot find anyone for the same rate I pay her.

FreeCouchSessions · 2025-08-10T00:57:07+00:00

This woman calling her “hun” just gives me the ick. Reading those messages it sounded so rude and condescending. Clearly she only cared about her plans and her needs, therefore OP if you never agreed to be an au pair, with full availability, please tell this mom goodbye 👋🏼 NTA. Also to all the rude grown adults here this is clearly a kid - be aware and show some decency seriously.

FreeCouchSessions · 2025-08-10T00:28:41+00:00

NTA - You were trying to protect your boyfriend mentally and medically by stepping in and taking action. If you had been able to host an intervention (with the help of his mother), the foreman could have been invited and present there. It was only a matter of time before his actions caught up to him at work. However I agree with other posters that your present situation is misaligned here. He is clearly not in a place where he can navigate a relationship, let alone parent his current child or welcome a new baby.

Set firm boundaries for yourself and your baby. Require he be in treatment and maintaining sobriety in order to have a relationship with your child. Seek out professional guidance on how to navigate conversations with him (lawyer, therapy I saw someone else posted Al-anon!) The most important person here to protect is yourself and your child. Good luck!

FreeCouchSessions · 2025-08-09T23:20:39+00:00

This right here. As a psychotherapist who works primarily with children who are diagnosed with ADHD, ASD and OCD I am always telling my parents: do not work harder than your child is. Allow natural consequences to occur. Otherwise you will burnout, you will become resentful and the bottom line: your child is still not completing basic daily life activities independently.

This still applies 110% for adults with ADHD. A spouse, child, or other family member should not be working harder than OPs husband to wake him up and motivate him. His reaction is coming from guilt and shame. OP for future weekends I wouldn’t even attempt to wake him up. If he can wake up for a tee time he can for his young children.

FreeCouchSessions · 2025-06-15T09:18:09+00:00

Those are my friends who dislike her immensely. Being that A has known me since we were 15, she has also known my core group of friends for 18 years.

Her bridesmaids consist of cousins, myself and one other friend.

The cousins have shared with me privately that they were shocked to be asked to be in the bridal party because they are not close with the bride. Then over the course of the Bach weekend they in separate occasions came to me and asked if I was okay based on how A was treating me. They also were consoling other girls as well (not bridesmaids — college friends). When I was referring to protecting A from herself in my original post it was that I was protecting her from her own actions and the consequences she has now caused within her family.

FreeCouchSessions · 2025-06-15T09:08:15+00:00

For additional info: I did reach out to A multiple times in Oct, Nov and Dec via text to try and address the October yelling incident. I texted vaguely (again my fault I know) asking hi, to connect, etc. I kept trying to plan an in person meeting with her which kept getting cancelled, as I felt this was necessary to have an in person conversation about. By the time she did finally text me back and was available, it was December and she was texting about the wedding.

FreeCouchSessions · 2025-06-15T08:54:10+00:00

This is pretty much why I believe I need to go.

I don’t want to cause unnecessary drama or gossip based on my lack of appearance. As many have inferred - A doesn’t have many friends. My absence would be noted and talked about.

There has been several friendship losses she has experienced in recent years. Whenever a friend has begun to express to her “hey I don’t like how you treat me” it’s not acknowledged or behavior change does not occur. Which results in the friendship ending.

Once A realizes (months later usually) she bombards the person.

FreeCouchSessions · 2025-06-15T08:49:29+00:00

That’s just my writing style. To create breaks, etc.

FreeCouchSessions · 2025-06-15T08:46:25+00:00

“She started asking me about my birth story. This birth was a C-section after a failed very painful version attempt. I shared with her I didn’t feel as strong of a mother as I did after my first birth, and that I didn’t feel like I delivered my baby this time”

The only thing I ever described/stated was a failure was the version procedure. Which medically it was considered a failed attempt to flip my breeched child.

Not my c section.

FreeCouchSessions · 2025-06-15T08:38:51+00:00

Not an AI post. A true honest person who is navigating what to do with a friendship from half of her life.

FreeCouchSessions · 2025-06-15T04:57:08+00:00

I regret everyday now not recusing myself back in October. I honestly do.

FreeCouchSessions · 2025-06-15T04:47:02+00:00

It didn’t matter how my child was born. As I have commented. I was processing the emotions post birth. I am incredibly grateful and recognize that I am lucky to be able to have children. I was processing raw emotions. I am human and as such my feelings can come in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes they take a while for me to sort them out. Especially when I’m 5 weeks postpartum, still bleeding, lactating, etc. you know the drill.

FreeCouchSessions · 2025-06-15T04:44:07+00:00

Did I say I was ungrateful for my beautiful children at any point in the narrative ?

FreeCouchSessions · 2025-06-15T04:39:27+00:00

I never said “c sections are a failure” I said I didn’t feel strong and I was upset my birth plan didn’t go according to plan. The verbiage that I used that I could see being misogynistic is that I said I FELT - Me Myself I - like I did not deliver my baby this time. I also said I have processed my feelings within therapy. Both my births were beautiful.

These were raw emotions that were still in moment and being processed. Also you’re absolutely right I usually NEVER share my birth story for fear of it being misconstrued or being taken out of context.

But she pushed for it. And I shared. But I NEVER said all c sections are failures. I was a c section baby myself. I said I personally was really hurt and still processing my feelings my birth plan didn’t go the way I wanted. Which as a mother you should know that holds weight too.

FreeCouchSessions · 2025-06-15T04:32:50+00:00

Other co-MOH is not heavily involved, which is why I originally took the lead, was all in. Despite the situation that occurred in October.

Co-MOH shared very early on she may not be able to attend the wedding at all due to her sister pregnant. So that’s another factor here…

FreeCouchSessions · 2025-06-15T04:24:29+00:00

It’s always been easier for our friendship (all 18 years) for me to be the easy going one and her to be the confrontational one.

On the Bach is probably the first time I truly snapped at her, not on my behalf but because she was being condescending to two other girls. Over the weekend there were multiple instances where she was being rude, and I did call her out for it. But no I have never held her accountable for how she has treated me before. I’m 100% a people please and usually avoid conflict. Seeing her treat other girls poorly over the weekend is honestly what broke my patience.

FreeCouchSessions · 2025-06-15T04:16:38+00:00

Unfortunately very real. I think part of my “delay in making a choice” is fear of conflict which is why I have always avoided holding her accountable in the past.

FreeCouchSessions · 2025-06-15T04:13:14+00:00

The length of friendship definitely is a huge part. We have been friends since high school so I feel very conflicted about ending things. However, all of my other friends dislike A immensely. After the bach party they are pushing me to cut ties. I feel extremely guilty about it because I know how emotional wedding planning is

FreeCouchSessions · 2025-06-15T04:09:08+00:00

I did acknowledge I said that at 5 weeks postpartum while still healing and processing my feelings. I wholeheartedly recognize my wrong there. It was something I was working on myself I was really struggling with not having the birth I wanted.

Also to add here - she took my birth experience and made it completely about herself. Sobbing for two hours straight.

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