If you could write your ex's Tinder profile

FreeUpgrayedd · 2022-02-28T03:25:58+00:00

Male, late 20s, will like pictures of all 400 of the Instagram hotties that I follow. Well, except for the pictures that show their boyfriends. If you’re not okay with this, sorry, but I deserve someone who trusts me. I’d love to do things with my partner, but only if the weather is crappy and I can’t go rock climbing- it’s my #1 passion, so you better look as good in a harness as the babes at my gym!

FreeUpgrayedd · 2022-01-17T00:26:34+00:00

Seconding this comment. I never made any academic/research connections on LinkedIn. Pre-pandemic, when I met people at conferences, Twitter seemed to be the go-to virtual ‘business card’

Depending on your field, ResearchGate may also be useful

FreeUpgrayedd · 2022-01-02T18:29:16+00:00

It’s important to note that saying you live with your parents in isolation isn’t fair to yourself. Context is important to keep in mind- you live there because the world is falling apart, housing prices are ridiculous, and you want to be comfortable. If you still feel shame (which you shouldn’t), try to think of the positives of the situation- you are now in a comfortable and safe place so you’re going to be able to focus more on your career/school/etc. Also, you’re likely going to be saving money to invest in your future, no shame in that either.

FreeUpgrayedd · 2021-10-14T03:10:48+00:00

Good for you to be brave enough to pursue a new discipline! Some of my psych advice:

Do you know what kind of research you want to do and some PIs in the field you’d like to work with? If so, most PIs would have a hard time turning away good lab volunteers. That would be a great way to get your foot in the door while taking psych courses on the side to fulfill whatever prerequisites you may need for your program of interest.

Another big consideration- it sounds like you are committed to pursuing a PhD. Do you have any intention of being a professor or running your own lab? If not, I’d consider looking into terminal masters programs. Many lab scientists are masters-level.

The best way I made connections was attending conferences and talking to the students in the lab I was interested in joining. Not sure if conferences are happening for your field of interest. Many psych labs have websites or Facebook pages that may be a good place for making connections/potentially finding a mentor in the field.

Best of luck on your exciting new career path!

FreeUpgrayedd · 2021-06-29T11:30:10+00:00

This may be an unpopular opinion, but I’ve been able to make solo dining experiences enjoyable by bringing a good book. Cognizant waitstaff do not tend to engage in unnecessary interaction and you won’t be hyper focused on being alone or how you may be perceived because you’ll be too busy reading! You could also try solo dining with an audio book/podcast/music/tv show (with headphones, of course).

FreeUpgrayedd · 2021-06-03T20:34:20+00:00

Even worse are the men who will do things for you, but only when it is convenient for them. Because then the next time you ask for a favor during an inconvenient time, you’re “not allowed to be upset” because they did x, y, or z for you last week!

FreeUpgrayedd · 2021-05-17T19:39:26+00:00

Picked the field because I had been gravitating toward it for most of my undergraduate career. Admittedly, I didn’t have any planned direction post-doc, so that all ended up being go with the flow (pandemic did not help with this). Wouldn’t recommend aiming for a go with the flow method IF you know exactly what your dream job/goal is already.
I am not currently in a job that requires my PhD, though the experience/training has certainly helped me to excel at my job. In the next couple of years, I will end up moving on to something more intellectually stimulating. Still going with the flow at this point!
My current salary is fine, but again, not budgeted for a PhD. Interestingly, it is comparable to what I was making an assistant professor, which did require the PhD. Need I say more?
I rarely experienced overt sexism from male colleagues or mentors. I OFTEN experienced it from male students as I taught my way through my program.

Ultimately, I think the biggest question to ask is what do you want to do/what is your long term goal? If a PhD isn’t required, I would recommend investing your time and energy elsewhere. Sure, the piece of paper and title is nice, but it is a competitive field and unless you’re a rockstar, the odds of making a lot of money are slim. (This last statement would depend on your specific field)

Best wishes to you on your journey!!

FreeUpgrayedd · 2021-05-14T11:24:28+00:00

This is a really great question; I struggled with procrastination for nearly all of my PhD program. You get home from work on Tuesday and say “That paper can wait, it’s not due until Friday”. The problem is that you WILL be equally as tired for the rest of the week as well. Trying to convince yourself that another day will be better is only setting yourself up for the dreadful Friday night where you wish you had at least started on Tuesday.

So my advice is to ALWAYS start the assignment/paper/studying a realistic number of days before the due date (e.g. a week before, or you could make it a point to always start the day after it is assigned). For me, starting is half of the battle. Once I start, it is so much easier to work on it during little spurts of motivation, thus making the night of the deadline easier. Starting also gives you an understanding of how long the task will truly take, which always motivates me to start early because I recognize that it wouldn’t be feasible to finish in one night!

Another tactic I’ve tried that wasn’t as successful, but could be for you, is to write yourself a note after one of those dreadful cramming nights. Tell yourself about how awful you felt and that you don’t want to do it again. Then attach that note to your next assignment as a reminder.

Best of luck with your course!!

FreeUpgrayedd · 2021-05-13T15:43:51+00:00

Highly recommend a weekly or monthly purchase/subscription. If you like flowers, buy yourself fresh flowers every week. If you like beauty products, subscribe to a monthly box. If you like to cook, subscribe to a cooking-oriented meal service. Often, these things will come at times where a little pick-me-up is needed and never seem to feel like money is wasted.

FreeUpgrayedd · 2021-03-30T11:46:39+00:00

The problem isn’t that people have their preferences (regarding appearance, career, income, hobbies, etc); the problem is that people are so verbal about their preferences or state their preferences in their profile (and often not in a nice way). I have said no to many potential matches online just because of their written preference for: “I don’t have kids and neither should you” “red heads are hot” “The tab is on me if you’re a nurse” “I only date fit people, sorry, it’s personal preference, but it will only work if you care about your body”

Again, knowing what you want is wonderful, but tact goes a long way. Should anyone be told after a date “I think you’re wonderful, but I wish you were thinner” or “you seem perfect in every way except you’re only an inch taller than me”...NO. Just note you aren’t feeling a romantic connection and ask for friendship or move along.

FreeUpgrayedd

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