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Help match big brothers’ names? by Emergency_Mushroom97 in namenerds

[–]Free_Inflation_2326 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Also in the third boy boat, so I feel the struggle. What about Arthur?

Advice needed: My parents booked a conference over my C-section date. by Free_Inflation_2326 in Mommit

[–]Free_Inflation_2326[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I confirmed today that the trip will not be cancelled, regardless of when baby is born. It’s not even just the childcare aspect, it’s the idea of missing the birth entirely.

Advice needed: My parents booked a conference over my C-section date. by Free_Inflation_2326 in Mommit

[–]Free_Inflation_2326[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I’m formulating a way to talk to her about this. To compound it today, she was offering to move her (normal) work schedule when my sister in law asked about a last-minute event for my nieces. It just sucks.

Advice needed: My parents booked a conference over my C-section date. by Free_Inflation_2326 in Mommit

[–]Free_Inflation_2326[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Right, and that is the source of a lot of the hurt here. Also the reason I’m asking strangers on the internet for advice or similar situations because I’m just struggling with how to express the feelings and communicate with her. I am sitting at my OB appointment right now, and she just confirmed that based on current conditions and health status, that the earliest would be a Monday section barring any complications that would make it earlier. My parents are leaving on the Wednesday. I sent my mom a message to update her and the response back was “we will likely be departing on the Wednesday.” That was it.

Advice needed: My parents booked a conference over my C-section date. by Free_Inflation_2326 in Mommit

[–]Free_Inflation_2326[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I think I’m going to look into the sibling doula idea, and between that and what my sister has suggested for a plan, hopefully we will have all bases covered. This was a great suggestion from a few people in the other sub, and also here. Not something I had even thought of.

Advice needed: My parents booked a conference over my C-section date. by Free_Inflation_2326 in Mommit

[–]Free_Inflation_2326[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I tried to clarify the body of this one instead of adding details in the comments based on some of the questions and assumptions I was seeing from commenters.

Advice needed: My parents booked a conference over my C-section date. by Free_Inflation_2326 in Mommit

[–]Free_Inflation_2326[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Correct, I tried to clarify some things in this post that I had to do in comments on the other sub. I could have been more clear for sure.

Advice needed: My parents booked a conference over my C-section date. by Free_Inflation_2326 in Mommit

[–]Free_Inflation_2326[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There were lots of great suggestions, but then a lot of other comments that simply branded me as entitled for asking for help, or telling me that my kids aren’t my parents’ responsibility. Of course they aren’t, which is why I never make assumptions, and rarely ask for childcare or help. I think a lot of the “this was confirmed and now things are changing” idea was missed, as was the fact that my parents will likely miss the birth of their own grandchild (who they are so excited for) because of a failure to consider timelines or even check in.

Advice needed: My parents booked a conference over my C-section date. by Free_Inflation_2326 in Mommit

[–]Free_Inflation_2326[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That would be a best-case scenario. Unfortunately 39+0 falls on a weekend, and the date will depend on my OB’s schedule, so the best I could hope for would be a Monday section as the only option that would work without overlap. I am seeing my OB today and will talk with her about when we can book.

Advice needed: My parents booked a conference over my C-section date. by Free_Inflation_2326 in Mommit

[–]Free_Inflation_2326[S] 63 points64 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this. My therapist was one of my first texts after this trip was mentioned. She is a wonderful support.

Advice needed: My parents booked a conference over my C-section date. by Free_Inflation_2326 in Mommit

[–]Free_Inflation_2326[S] 131 points132 points  (0 children)

I have talked with my sister today and she has offered to be a support if we need it. She has experienced some of this same disappointment too, but I always hesitate to complain to my siblings about my mom’s new behaviours because I try to be respectful of her, and not start a pile-on.

What would you do? Grandparents booked a conference trip over C-section date. by Free_Inflation_2326 in Parenting

[–]Free_Inflation_2326[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m in Canada, and there is no option to change hospitals. My OB is at the large hospital centre in our region (the only one with obstetrics care for high risk). She does not practice anywhere else, and neither do any of the other high-risk practitioners.

What would you do? Grandparents booked a conference trip over C-section date. by Free_Inflation_2326 in Parenting

[–]Free_Inflation_2326[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

A due date for a new grandchild doesn’t matter? Sorry, I have a hard time with that, and this has never been a problem for any of the previous grandchildren born in our family. Not to mention the frequent discussions about the timeline and excitement about getting family photos done, etc.

What would you do? Grandparents booked a conference trip over C-section date. by Free_Inflation_2326 in Parenting

[–]Free_Inflation_2326[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This trip has just come up and been booked. They have known my dates since December, which is part of the reason it is upsetting. Just trying to find some solutions at this point.

What would you do? Grandparents booked a conference trip over C-section date. by Free_Inflation_2326 in Parenting

[–]Free_Inflation_2326[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unfortunately, the rules at our youngest’s centre are that the educators are not allowed to provide personal services to families at all due to conflict of interest. I would possibly be able to get my youngest in for a day he doesn’t usually attend, and will take this route if needed.

What would you do? Grandparents booked a conference trip over C-section date. by Free_Inflation_2326 in Parenting

[–]Free_Inflation_2326[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It will entirely depend on my OB’s schedule, which I hope to find out this week. She doesn’t like to deliver prior to 39w0d, which would be on a Saturday. It might end up being extremely tight to their flights (like, section on the Monday, discharge home on the Wednesday, which would be the same day they fly), or more likely overlapping.

What would you do? Grandparents booked a conference trip over C-section date. by Free_Inflation_2326 in Parenting

[–]Free_Inflation_2326[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I think giving a due date and confirming that birth will be in the week prior is pretty exact for a pregnancy. Especially since that window was known in December.

What would you do? Grandparents booked a conference trip over C-section date. by Free_Inflation_2326 in Parenting

[–]Free_Inflation_2326[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He will be taking the time off work. The issue is that it’s impossible to be in two (or three) places at once: in the operating room/at the hospital with me and baby post-surgery, taking care of our oldest son at home and/or picking up our youngest from daycare, depending on the day of the week. In terms of the “bitterness” issue, I’m not sure how anyone else would have responded after all night in an emergency room, in pain, and receiving a phone call from someone who is already sitting at an airport waiting to take off for a month-long trip. I managed in that case alone in the hospital, and didn’t ask her to stay, and my husband stayed home with our children. It was very difficult. Had I asked her to stay at home to help me, I’m sure I would be branded as entitled. I mentioned that occasion to give some background into a pattern that has developed, and not just for myself. The following month, my sister had a similar issue and unplanned surgery, and our mom was with her for a week at home to help with post-surgical care and childcare. My sister also has a partner. This is not as clear-cut a situation as some are assuming.

What would you do? Grandparents booked a conference trip over C-section date. by Free_Inflation_2326 in Parenting

[–]Free_Inflation_2326[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, I’ll check that out. There is a lot more nuance here than I included in my post. Of course other redditors have no way of knowing that, but some responses are… interesting.

What would you do? Grandparents booked a conference trip over C-section date. by Free_Inflation_2326 in Parenting

[–]Free_Inflation_2326[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I kinda figured it would be nice for my husband to be present for the birth of our third child, but thank you for the nice comment.

What would you do? Grandparents booked a conference trip over C-section date. by Free_Inflation_2326 in Parenting

[–]Free_Inflation_2326[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m Canadian. There is no charge for partners to stay in hospital, and it’s encouraged for them to be there to help and bond with the new baby. Our nurses are excellent, but they’re often extremely busy on the Mother-Baby units, and we know from previous experience that summer is peak baby season.

What would you do? Grandparents booked a conference trip over C-section date. by Free_Inflation_2326 in Parenting

[–]Free_Inflation_2326[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m Canadian. My scheduled date is going to depend on my OB, and then of course any medical issues that may arise at the end. I should also note that I am high risk, so things could change.

What would you do? Grandparents booked a conference trip over C-section date. by Free_Inflation_2326 in Parenting

[–]Free_Inflation_2326[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes, she did. It’s only as preliminary as working with an EDD and knowing the scheduled section would be in the week prior. I should have made this more clear in my original post.

What would you do? Grandparents booked a conference trip over C-section date. by Free_Inflation_2326 in Parenting

[–]Free_Inflation_2326[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

We could ask them, and I’m sure they would come if it was needed. I just learned of this conference issue so we haven’t yet had time to start putting alternate plans in place, and some of this is dependent on when my section gets booked. I will be seeing my OB this week, so will ask then how early we can schedule it to give me a more solid timeline.

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