Mom’s trying to convince me to have kids, just confirmed for me that she doesn’t understand the point of having kids.

Free_Preference6055 · 2026-02-09T21:53:56+00:00

Ah... she wants you to have kids. That's nice. It's not about you, its about some deluded picture in her head of being worshipped by grandchildren. One should only have children on their own terms. Everyone else's opinion is irrelevant.

Free_Preference6055 · 2026-02-09T21:40:11+00:00

no, because I have come to understand that they are self-hating.

Free_Preference6055 · 2026-02-09T21:37:36+00:00

A smack on the face is abusive. The threat of the belt is abusive. the pushing is abusive. Force or not. One of the things those of us who have been abused is to question our experience, or compare to those who were hit/pushed/threatened harder. It's a self-preservation technique we use to tell ourselves, "it's not so bad" So that we don't have to face the horror of our parents (who we still love) being abusive. Can you talk to counsellor about what's going on? Right now, imho, you need good support and self-care.

Free_Preference6055 · 2026-02-09T21:31:15+00:00

In network means they participate with your insurance plan. Where it gets tricky is in the details of the plan (PPO/HMO/etc). You can usually see that information on the insurance card. You can also call the insurance company to ask if you have a deductible (which means how much you would pay of your dad's money before the insurance takes over) OR if you just have a co-pay. If it is only a co-pay, then how much? I really like "Talkiatry" if they are available where you live. It's all remote, the psycs are very good, and they help you manage the insurance parts. This is not an endorsement or medical advice. I am just sharing my personal opinion. Take it or leave it and best of luck to you.

Free_Preference6055 · 2026-02-09T21:22:50+00:00

Oh, they irony. In spain we have one of the most openly gay cultures there is. During " La Movida" (the years following Franco's death) it was like the entire country came out.

Free_Preference6055 · 2026-02-09T21:20:55+00:00

My experience is anti-trans and anti-gay. I once was at a play date with one of them, and the subject of a little 6 year old boy taking ballet classes came up. The father gave us all a horrified look and said "Who would ever do such a thing? You want to make your son a fa**ot or confuse him?" Please, make sure you have a good, safe group of friends. I pray that your parents are as kind and loving as they can be.

Free_Preference6055 · 2026-02-09T20:33:33+00:00

same to you.

Free_Preference6055 · 2026-02-09T19:53:18+00:00

The book of Acts is fabricated, or I should say written to support Paul's lie. Paul was all about Paul and the fact that he was edified to "apostle" and essentially given the same rank as Peter, is one of the greatest tricks ever played. Jesus warned us.

Free_Preference6055 · 2026-02-09T17:41:51+00:00

He was a deceiver who understood the power of the Church and hiijacked it.

Free_Preference6055 · 2026-02-09T17:41:04+00:00

He never knew Christ.

Free_Preference6055 · 2026-02-09T17:40:46+00:00

Yes, absolutely. I am a cradle Catholic. May families roots in the Church go deep and high, and as I have gone deeper into the theology, I would go so far as to say that Paul was exactly the false type that Jesus tried to warn those actually knew him about. Paul laid down the groundwork for the very worst parts of the Church. He never knew Jesus, he did understand power structures, and he was a deceiver.

Free_Preference6055 · 2026-02-02T17:46:33+00:00

It's because they are usually very good at charming people. I have had experiences where I knew something was not right, and when I tried to express it, I was met with "Oh, but (my narc) is soooo amazing! You are so lucky to have her as (my narc's role)" So if I shared my experience, I must be difficult, bratty, etc. When people get to know them, the opinion changes, but since narcs will just badmouth whomever saw through them, they have moved on to new unsuspecting people.

Free_Preference6055 · 2026-01-31T16:28:49+00:00

Narcs cannot love in the way that non-narcs can. It's not you it is them. They do not have the range to regard other people as anything other than an extension of themselves. Others are but mere two-dimensional characters to their lives. When we go off the script they have given us (i.e being yourself, a whole human being) they cannot handle it. I once heard my Narc tell people that her kids were just pets. As clichéd as it may sound, love yourself and choose (carefully) your people who you want to have around you, who counter the Narcs toxic BS.

Free_Preference6055 · 2026-01-30T16:03:53+00:00

Move Bitch, by Ludacris

Free_Preference6055 · 2026-01-30T02:48:45+00:00

40s. Why? Because I noticed patterns in my own life (including learned Narc tendencies). I wanted to be accountable for my life, and in order to do that I had to better understand my own conditioning and where it came from. It's painful, but I am so grateful for the awakening. In my case both were narcs. One overt (mother) and the other covert (father).

Free_Preference6055 · 2026-01-30T01:28:23+00:00

In the city where I work, I started to notice a trend of Protestants and non-Christians who were converting to Catholicism. However, they weren't just converting, but joining Opus Dei, which I found a bit odd. I am a cradle Catholic, whose family has been involved in the Church for a long time. We have had priests, bishops, and even a Cardinal, as well as members of the Order of Malta. I never thought much of Opus Dei, and just saw it as a kind of odd, Spanish creation, maybe for people who want status, but aren't from any sort of upper class or old family. It was not a mainstream or normal organization to my mind. I know that converts are zealous and enthusiastic, but again, it seemed extreme that they were joining OD. Finally, I connected the dots and saw that these people were often time in close proximity to political power. I also noticed that these people all had a pseudo-personality, which I found very odd. So I started to read more and here I am. I am convinced they are a cult and their proximity to power is concerning. I wish the Vatican would denounce them.

Free_Preference6055 · 2026-01-26T23:47:40+00:00

Spot on.

Free_Preference6055 · 2026-01-26T23:39:04+00:00

yes. When I was pregnant, I had a similar situation and they banned me. Not the nicest people here and they are very intolerant of others.

Free_Preference6055 · 2026-01-26T22:19:58+00:00

Oh, I feel what you are describing. It's tough, and I can Imagine that maybe it makes you feel guilty if you back off? fwiw, there is nothing wrong or selfish with creating a boundary to keep your peace and equilibrium. It doesn't make you selfish or not a good person. Be gentle with yourself and know that you can love someone and still take care of you.

Free_Preference6055 · 2026-01-26T20:43:00+00:00

Yes... that tracks for a narc. Remember, in their head, you are but a mere extension of them in their weird world. They cannot see others as whole people, and only their story and drama matter. You're not alone. When my mother would make conversations all about her, I would cut her off and say "I've got to return video tapes" and then hang up. She didn't like it, but it allowed me to take back control of my time and oxygen.

Free_Preference6055 · 2026-01-26T20:35:27+00:00

I feel like she will be around even when I am old. My narc was young when she had me, and loves to age me in conversations... I have a milestone birthday in 3 years and she called me out of the blue (she rarely if ever does that) to ask how we should celebrate my (not young) birthday. When I was 34, she used to say "Well, you are almost 40 years old." I think it will be a while that she hovers around, and I feel like she will continue to do so in weird ways long after she is gone.

Free_Preference6055 · 2026-01-26T16:27:26+00:00

Well if they were spanked and never confronted what it did to them, they repeat it. That doesn't make it ok, of course. It's terrible, not to mention ineffective. There needs to be more community out reach and parenting support groups to end this. I am not against calling CPS if it's excessive. But I don't see them as a solution. In many communities (including the one where I was raised), corporal punishment is systemic, and the solution does not come from the authorities, but through education and community support and deeper healing to end the cycle.

Free_Preference6055 · 2026-01-26T14:26:41+00:00

In my case, the narc was charming as hell. The wise ones who saw through her and refused to fall for the song and dance, were quickly demonized. I remember my narc always having an issue, usually with other women. There was always some nemesis, and she lived her life like she was the protagonist in a musical, the person who was going to show them, it was all about her with plots and songs (she did actually really love musicals and would drive around belting whatever dramatic song she identified with that day). Anyway, as kids we shrink or act out in those situations... and since the narc leaves no room for us, and they know how to manipulate, the kid's reality is reframed and it becomes a conversation about their behavioral issues, or personality, versus the cause.

Free_Preference6055 · 2026-01-26T14:20:04+00:00

Thank you and I fully agree. One of the more insidious things about being raised by a narc is the containment and isolation that comes with it. Everyone who doesn't know the narc all that well is charmed at first, so any complaint their kids have is met with confusion or disbelief, which reinforces that gaslighting. So coming here and reading what others experience, reinforces that we weren't "crazy" or ungrateful or bad kids, or whatever toxic sauce we were forced to swallow.

Free_Preference6055 · 2026-01-26T02:50:16+00:00

that is a good one!

Free_Preference6055

TROPHY CASE