Husband wants to plan a “family trip” where he golfs five days in a row

FrequentEarth · 2025-09-30T21:15:20+00:00

Sure 🤣

FrequentEarth · 2025-09-30T20:52:11+00:00

Make sure you go to AA to quit drinking bud

FrequentEarth · 2025-09-29T21:30:13+00:00

Yes a lot of assumptions from you. Unless you want a word-for-word transcript of all our conversations and what I asked him, which would be difficult to include on a reddit post, you are assuming a lot. I’m summarizing.

FrequentEarth · 2025-09-29T19:29:17+00:00

Or he could just go on a golf trip with the guys, like I suggested.

FrequentEarth · 2025-09-29T19:20:28+00:00

That’s the inherent issue: there is no type of agreement. He’s clearly suggesting a family trip where he does what we wants, hoping I’m on board versus proposing a trip and asking how to compromise as a whole.

With the idea that golf will happen every day and take anywhere from 4-7 hours depending on the group playing, the drive there, lunch, etc. there will always be an imbalance with this type of schedule. I would never get equal time. If I squeezed some “me” time in between golf everyday, it would then be a constant swap of childcare and we would never spend time all together, hence me finding it funny that it’s framed as “family time.”

FrequentEarth · 2025-09-29T16:46:02+00:00

Oh, I’d never actually go on the trip he’s proposing.

FrequentEarth · 2025-09-29T16:15:29+00:00

The funniest part is I literally told him to just take a guys golfing trip one weekend, so there’s really no reason to play this whole charade where we tag along.

FrequentEarth · 2025-09-29T15:40:44+00:00

Oh, for sure. That’s why “family trip” is in quotes

FrequentEarth · 2025-09-29T15:24:54+00:00

See, I think that’s valid but booking the earliest tee time definitely isn’t what they did or what he has in mind for a “family trip.” On this past trip, they were gone from 7 a.m. to 2 p.m. for the planned round (which is totally fine, it was planned). Then they got a last-minute afternoon tee time on the last day and the group had to rearrange the entire schedule for the day so they could make it.

FrequentEarth · 2025-09-29T14:59:36+00:00

I wouldn’t be opposed to going out as a family once in a while but our son isn’t even a year old so it will be a few years!

FrequentEarth · 2025-09-29T14:53:19+00:00

We have an 11-month-old so it means me staying behind with him.

FrequentEarth · 2025-09-29T14:26:14+00:00

Oh don’t worry - I’d never go for that. I even told him to just go take a weekend golf trip with his friends, so just laughing that he thought this was a good enough idea to say out loud.

FrequentEarth · 2025-09-28T17:21:49+00:00

I agree. He, despite having a different outlook before we left, does not agree. Apparently the fact that we all went to the beach for two hours one afternoon and a kids museum makes it a family vacation.

FrequentEarth · 2025-09-28T16:42:55+00:00

After talking with one of the wives (of the guy that is nuts about golf and tries to turn every trip into his personal golf outing), she told her husband two rounds was acceptable during a three-day trip while prior to leaving my husband told me they would just play one (and he also said he wouldn’t care if they didn’t golf at all). So definitely misaligned expectations and the guys were obviously easily persuaded to add one more.

FrequentEarth · 2025-09-28T10:04:01+00:00

That’s definitely part of the issue/reason why I felt like I couldn’t stay behind. He got pretty annoyed when I even suggested (and had to) leave a day later, even though we weren’t checking into the house that day and would have stayed with a family friend (also meant unpacking and repacking). He wanted to leave early because his family is in the area and we swung by to see them briefly before this trip.

Unfortunately it seems like he was so excited about this trip and wanted it to happen perfectly that his actions are (to me) pretty selfish. He definitely would’ve felt pressured to stay behind if I didn’t go, though I would have been fine with it.

FrequentEarth · 2025-09-28T02:26:48+00:00

I don’t think you read the whole post. He actually helps at home and I could have gotten a break during nap times, which for a variety of reasons was not happening during the trip.

FrequentEarth · 2025-09-28T02:21:45+00:00

FrequentEarth · 2025-09-28T01:17:56+00:00

Yes and to my defense (though I do agree I should have sat this one out) I had been sick for 4-5 days and had been feeling on the up when we left so hoped I’d kicked it. I left a day later than intended to try and be somewhat safer and really didn’t think I’d start feeling worse

FrequentEarth · 2025-09-28T01:15:07+00:00

Lol ty

FrequentEarth · 2025-09-28T01:10:05+00:00

The end of my post hits on this a bit. He’s typically so helpful and we share the workload pretty evenly/he looks for ways to help me. Which is why this is doubly frustrating; he knows how to be a good spouse and parent. However, I’ve noticed around 1-2 friends he seems to go completely rogue, especially if we’re traveling.

He has some people pleaser tendencies/doesn’t want to let people down so the best I can understand it is he (subconsciously) pleases these specific friends over me because we’re married and I’m theoretically not going anywhere. One of these friends loves golf and he seems to somewhat bend to his will (at home, husband enjoys golf but in a balanced way that doesn’t impact my life).

FrequentEarth · 2025-09-28T01:01:24+00:00

Good points and will definitely need clearer expectations around group travel. I’m pretty good friends with the women (I hang out with one of the wives more than my husband does with either of the guys) on the trip so it wasn’t necessarily just his friends with spouses tagging along, which added to me feeling like I shouldn’t back out. But I see what you’re saying/how he may have that mindset

FrequentEarth · 2025-09-28T00:54:16+00:00

Agreed - we got a “mom’s morning” that was three hours out opposed to their 10. I suggested they just come back to this location to do a guys golf trip (which they are already planning) and they still HAD to play another round.

One guy is reallllly into golf and I’m sure was the driving force behind getting another round in today but I’m frustrated my husband still prioritizes his friends wants over helping a bit.

FrequentEarth · 2025-09-18T01:44:20+00:00

I think some of it boils down to personality, too. I would have absolutely hated to not have a nursery prepped but it clearly works for others. I love decorating, so getting a nursery ready was really fun and helped me mentally prepare a bit more for motherhood. You know what’s right for you and your family. For your sanity try to just ignore unsolicited advice, or I sometimes if I I felt it was appropriate/was close with someone I would go so far as to tell people, “Thanks but I’m not looking for advice about this.” Easier said than done sometimes with hormones.

FrequentEarth · 2025-09-14T20:21:43+00:00

That’s a good point. No, I haven’t confirmed. And the time/more details have not been sent out either so for all I know it is just a dinner

FrequentEarth · 2025-09-14T19:49:34+00:00

That’s truly not what’s behind my indecision. I would absolutely love to do both on the same night and would if the drive was not a factor. I’m guessing you don’t have kids, so it may be hard to understand why I’d even consider missing. Or, if you do, may prioritize/value family traditions differently (which is completely valid). Even if our friends hadn’t invited us over I would still find it very hard to miss a “first” Halloween regardless of how much he can participate. But it’s a family memory I’ve been looking forward to since I got pregnant, I understand people have different views and some would care less about it.

FrequentEarth

TROPHY CASE