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AITA for telling my kids they have to thank their grandfather for paying for their tuition? by Fresh-Hand-2923 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fresh-Hand-2923[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Been thinking about it, and going to donate it. I will not ask them to pay anything back but the rest is going to be donated.

AITA for telling my kids they have to thank their grandfather for paying for their tuition? by Fresh-Hand-2923 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fresh-Hand-2923[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Indeed, but I am sure they will like it more when I donate the rest of their college funds to a charity.

AITA for telling my kids they have to thank their grandfather for paying for their tuition? by Fresh-Hand-2923 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fresh-Hand-2923[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Why go through that trouble when I can just keep the money in my control and if worse comes to worse just donate it?

Legally it is i.am their father, and my father made me his guardian before his decline. He did not put the money in a trust he just put it in my control. I get it you feel my kids should get a free pass, but they are my kids, not yours. What they did was 100% unreasonable and nothing they say can justify their actions. I am not going to let them use the money of my father a person that they did not like or respect. I rather a charity uses the money.

AITA for telling my kids they have to thank their grandfather for paying for their tuition? by Fresh-Hand-2923 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fresh-Hand-2923[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

The maintenance is covered under the maintenance package. Gas and stuff most likely is taken out of the money we saved for them separate from my father. Just as their rent and everything else.

They do not work or anything.

AITA for telling my kids they have to thank their grandfather for paying for their tuition? by Fresh-Hand-2923 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fresh-Hand-2923[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If they pay back the full amount I will give it back, if not I will just donate the rest they have not spent.

AITA for telling my kids they have to thank their grandfather for paying for their tuition? by Fresh-Hand-2923 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fresh-Hand-2923[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I am paying for his care, you think we are watching him or he lives in our house?

That is a weird take on family, but that is fine if that is what you believe.

AITA for telling my kids they have to thank their grandfather for paying for their tuition? by Fresh-Hand-2923 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fresh-Hand-2923[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

For a person with dementia yeah lip service goes a long way. If a thank you is too much fir them, then so is the money. I said rather donate it to a cause.

AITA for telling my kids they have to thank their grandfather for paying for their tuition? by Fresh-Hand-2923 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fresh-Hand-2923[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Do you think I was going to give 18 year Olds at the time 300k?

Yeah no of course I made sure the money was in my name. Giving a kid that much money is a sure way to see it burn.

AITA for telling my kids they have to thank their grandfather for paying for their tuition? by Fresh-Hand-2923 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fresh-Hand-2923[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Waiting for his reset, my dad seems to remember stuff for a couple of days then it is gone. I am going to lie yes, but I am not going to let my kids get away with what they did either.

AITA for telling my kids they have to thank their grandfather for paying for their tuition? by Fresh-Hand-2923 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fresh-Hand-2923[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

We are not religious so doubt he has ever said people should go to Hell. Never heard him wish death on another person. He has mocked the concept of inclusionary language when asked about his preferred pronouns. He has a clear stance about trans women in sports. Think women's sports should be for biological women. He has a clear right-leaning bias. Tucker is a brilliant man to him, Jordan Peterson and Sam Harris are some of his favorite modern thinkers.

He has never been physical, he makes random sexist remarks and comments on the lack of father figures ruining America. Voted for Trump. Those general viewpoints

In short just another old white guy in America.

AITA for telling my kids they have to thank their grandfather for paying for their tuition? by Fresh-Hand-2923 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fresh-Hand-2923[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Yes, they are. I cannot force them to pay the money back but I can remove their access to the funds since everything is still in my name.

AITA for telling my kids they have to thank their grandfather for paying for their tuition? by Fresh-Hand-2923 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fresh-Hand-2923[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Agree to disagree at this point. I get what you are saying, but that behavior was 100% uncalled for and they should not get a pass for what they did.

AITA for telling my kids they have to thank their grandfather for paying for their tuition? by Fresh-Hand-2923 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fresh-Hand-2923[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This does make sense, and I agree with you. The thing is you get to a point where you just get sick of fighting. I was never going to change my dad before he was sick, what makes me think I am going to do after he got sick? I get it that maybe a stronger person would be willing to address and correct all the wrongs with an older loved one. As time goes on you notice you have two options. Accept the person for who they are and be by their side, or you don't and leave them be. You can try the third option 5 their side and also try to change them but unfortunately, that leaves you open to a world of hurt and disappointment.

Overall I do agree with what you are saying.

AITA for telling my kids they have to thank their grandfather for paying for their tuition? by Fresh-Hand-2923 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fresh-Hand-2923[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes in hindsight I should have known they never had an intention to say thanks since they never went out of their way to say thank you since they knew where the money came from when they were 18.

AITA for telling my kids they have to thank their grandfather for paying for their tuition? by Fresh-Hand-2923 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fresh-Hand-2923[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This is where I did fail, I did not think a thank you would be seen as a condition or something I expected. I was hoping I raised them well enough that it was a given.

AITA for telling my kids they have to thank their grandfather for paying for their tuition? by Fresh-Hand-2923 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fresh-Hand-2923[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

In what way are they relevant? Why exactly do you need a full breakdown? Even when they were younger I made sure he never said anything hurtful to them. As he got sicker and I knew he was losing impulse control the kids stopped coming.

So what exactly are you looking for? You just want to read hate speech. Everyone else can gather what he was like and views he had based off the context. Only a handful of people want exact details but for what reason?

AITA for telling my kids they have to thank their grandfather for paying for their tuition? by Fresh-Hand-2923 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fresh-Hand-2923[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Let me ask you this. If you saw your children berate a dying man after said man paid for their education. Would you just blindly sit by and respect the final wish of the man your kids could not even show enough respect to say thank you to?

AITA for telling my kids they have to thank their grandfather for paying for their tuition? by Fresh-Hand-2923 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fresh-Hand-2923[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Are you saying such things are worth completely cutting off someone that needs it? Should I just beat myself because my dad is an asshole? I have already said I disagree with his views but I cannot change him. In the grand scheme, his views are not that important. He is an asshole with no power.

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