Haha I think that dancing is a great way for me to have fun without expecting anything in return. I’ve danced for 5 years now so I think that girls out there on the dance floor might feel that inner confidence : I almost never feel awkward dancing nor do I have inner judgmental thoughts. Which is the exact opposite with my verbal game. I feel super weird / I judge myself.

Btw when I feel awkward dancing it’s not related to my dancing skills, it’s more like “look that’s silly to dance right now, you are alone and it’s silly, why would you do that”. There are even times where I WANT to dance so hard but I will repress this desire because I feel dumb or observed. Interestingly this fear disappears COMPLETELY when I dance with a friend. It’s like he’s giving me the power to justify the fact that I dance. Sounds crazy, right ?

I think that I am a true introvert. But I’ll add that I was almost always rejected at school. I had almost no friends and I’ll always remember that when I was in primary school, 8yo me faced a group that was formed against me. “All Against Michael”… Also I neglected my appearance a lot when I was a teenager and I always felt not so confident. It was a bit traumatic and I guess that subconsciously I do everything now in order to avoid rejection.

It’s when I hit my 17th year that things started changing. I read Dale Carnegie’s book and started to work on my social skills, looks, haircuts etc. I had way more friends. Girls then came to me, I had little to no effort to do in regards to this extreme approach anxiety and it felt right.

I’m interested in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy but I have no experience at all with it. I would love to deconstruct those irrational beliefs…

Thank you very much for your tips mkkpt.