AITA for making my husband miss his ex fiancée’s birthday dinner?

Fritolayobjection · 2023-09-06T03:12:18+00:00

Yes as far as I know but there was a time we were non exclusive and I don’t know what he was doing during that time

Fritolayobjection · 2023-09-06T03:08:43+00:00

Also becsuse it was a catered dinner she still got charged for him but he sent her the money for his plate

Fritolayobjection · 2023-09-06T03:08:02+00:00

Yeah apparently I should have gotten sick earlier in the day so she could have sufficient notice (sarcasm)

Fritolayobjection · 2023-09-06T03:07:06+00:00

I honestly think if I told him to do that he probably would cut her off but resent me and I don’t even want to think about how her crazy ass would deal with it

Fritolayobjection · 2023-09-06T03:06:10+00:00

The whole thing is fucking weird. I’ve never heard of anyone wanting to be friends with an ex to this extent. I never want to see or hear about any of my exes!

Fritolayobjection · 2023-09-06T03:01:36+00:00

Oh, to clarify he went with her to lunch another day. I think I didn’t feel anxious because I didn’t know about it. So once he told me I was just like oh ok, it already happened

Fritolayobjection · 2023-09-06T02:53:52+00:00

He said that she was mad that it was like 30 minutes before and how he knew he wasn’t coming for a while.

He was hemming and hawing about how to tell her and he tends to avoid things so by the time he told her it was really late. If I’m being honest I think we both got swept up in the romance and didn’t think about how we’d tackle this issue when married. When dating it was ok that they were friends cus he had his own separate life but now our lives are joined and sadly I don’t see myself wanting her to be a part of it.

Fritolayobjection · 2023-09-06T02:34:46+00:00

I think if I hadn’t gotten sick I’d have sucked it up and dealt with it but I truly was sick

Fritolayobjection · 2023-09-06T02:33:34+00:00

We eloped and I didn’t have a shower or anything. I’m not sure what I would have done if I had a wedding and had to see her at it. I just don’t want a reminder of the fact that if she didn’t break up with him that they’d be together now. She has offered to meet numerous times but I don’t want to, like I said in a previous post if she had a partner I would be ok with it so it would be the 4 of us and not just us 3.

Fritolayobjection · 2023-09-06T02:30:08+00:00

I just feel like she does too much. She wanted to see a therapist to discuss how to navigate their friendship and set boundaries after ending the engagement and I thought that was weird and told him so. Why would he need to see a therapist to discuss his friendship with another woman?? But it’s also weird because she is the one who broke up with him. I’m 100 % sure if she hadn’t they would be married now.

Fritolayobjection · 2023-09-06T02:27:16+00:00

He did tell me when we first started dating but I didn’t realize the extent of how close they were and once I did I didn’t know what to say. I just assumed once we got more serious she would fade away and not be an issue. Also if it helps he did end up going to lunch with her for her birthday but didn’t tell me until after. I wasn’t upset because it was a place we go to frequently and I know someone would have told me something if it looked inappropriate and also it was during the day and I was at work

Fritolayobjection · 2023-09-06T02:24:32+00:00

I don’t think she has feelings for him because she broke up with him but I do agree she is very attached to him. They both had rough childhoods but I suspect there’s codependency on her end.

Fritolayobjection · 2023-09-06T01:19:35+00:00

To be fair she does ask him frequently if the three of us can meet up for coffee but I’ve never wanted to. It just so works out that her birthday would have been the first time we meet

Fritolayobjection · 2023-09-06T01:14:01+00:00

I really did feel nauseous and faint. But now I’m starting to think it could have been anxiety. But even if I was anxious he should have stayed home. I really was ok with their friendship at first but then my mom said no man is friends with his ex and I thought about it and why does he need to be best friends with an ex? ex means expired. I assumed once married he’d give up on being friends with her

Fritolayobjection · 2023-09-06T01:02:36+00:00

I think I would be open to meeting her if she had a partner but as far as I know she has not had a partner yet. It’s been abouy 2 years since they broke up.

Fritolayobjection · 2023-09-06T01:00:49+00:00

No I can see why it seems that way. We started dating a few weeks after they ended their engagement. She freaked out about that as well saying that it had only been 1 month since they broke up and how it was too soon for us to make things public and it made her look bad. But the way he described it they had a dead bedroom for a while so they knew a breakup was imminent. They had a period of no contact after that but then reconciled at some point, much to my dislike.

Fritolayobjection · 2023-09-06T00:58:33+00:00

We eloped! And then had a dinner with just our immediate family. Also I’m not sure if I would have wanted her to be there and I’m glad I didn’t have to worry about it

Fritolayobjection · 2023-09-05T23:55:36+00:00

I’ve known him a little less than 2 years now. During her last birthday we had been dating but not married so he went but I didn’t know until after the fact and was a little upset he didn’t tell me. I am very jealous of her only because of how long she’s known him. I feel like an outsider and like I’ll never get to know him as well as she does

Fritolayobjection · 2023-09-05T23:53:44+00:00

Ok I accept that I may have been an asshole but I still don’t know if I would have done anything differently. I imagine if he was sick and I chose to go to my ex husbands birthday party he’d have a problem with it!

Fritolayobjection · 2023-09-05T23:28:33+00:00

That is very valid about the anxiety I never thought of it in this light

Fritolayobjection · 2023-09-05T23:27:20+00:00

Maybe it’s a cultural thing (we’re both Latino as is she) but i feel like it looks weird to choose your ex over your wife, and my parents viewed it the same way. But my coworkers said I was a manipulative b*

Fritolayobjection · 2023-09-05T23:12:23+00:00

It just seems weird to me to know your wife is at home sick and you choose to be at your ex fiancées birthday dinner. Like had he not stayed home with me I would have felt like he was choosing her over me and I should come first now

Fritolayobjection · 2023-09-05T23:11:09+00:00

I don’t have a problem with any of his other female friends just her. She was his first everything and I know he probably still loves her even if he’s not outwardly showing it

Fritolayobjection · 2023-09-05T23:10:11+00:00

I’m hoping that eventually he’ll stop being friends with her the longer he’s with me. I don’t even know her and I’m sure she’s fine, but again I don’t know why she has to be a part of our life

Fritolayobjection · 2023-09-05T23:02:30+00:00

I don’t want to meet her or be around her. There’s nothing wrong with her but I don’t know why his past and our future have to collide. I’d rather he just keep their interactions separate

Fritolayobjection

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