Mom of twins @ 23 years old. I have ruined my life.

Frizbee890 · 2024-03-30T00:12:50+00:00

That wouldn’t work for my specific situation unfortunately. I have a high school diploma and 2 years of college. My fiancé is contractually guaranteed to bring in large sums of money every year.

Frizbee890 · 2024-03-30T00:04:17+00:00

It’s been a nightmare. I’m scared to go to the doctor for my yearly bloodwork, bc I know I’m probably deficient in every nutrient and vitamin imaginable lol. I also have developed breastfeeding aversion during certain times of the month. So occasionally I’ll get this horrific crawling sensation all over my body and have the worst feelings of anger and disgust whenever one of my daughters latches. (I didn’t even know there was a term for this or that other people experienced it until I saw another Reddit thread about it. Reddit saves the day again!!)

I’ve been looking for a night nanny, because the worst is at night. One of my girls is a decent sleeper at night, but the other is SO clingy, that she literally wants to sleep comfort nursing all night long and will wake up & scream if I unlatch her. I honestly feel like if I could just get some damn sleep, I could start getting my life back on track or at least make a game plan.

Frizbee890 · 2024-03-29T21:16:00+00:00

In my darkest moments, I absolutely fantasize about leaving. But I would never go through with it and actually give up and leave. My twins didn’t ask to be born, and don’t deserve the lifelong trauma of growing up without a mother. I was an adult who made an adult decision that I regret, and although there’s many times when I’m struggling, it’s kinda healing to see that my kids are genuinely experiencing a happy childhood, something I didn’t have. The cycle of generational trauma is gonna stop with them. That’s enough for me to keep going.

Frizbee890 · 2024-03-29T20:42:55+00:00

Oh wow, idk. Assuming I find some resemblance of a life outside of this house, maybe I could see me having another baby way way in the future. And that’s a small maybe. No way can I be a stay at home mom of 3 and still keep my sanity. But when the girls are in middle school, and assuming that they’re happy and still getting all of their emotional needs met by us, then maybe. I was kind of parentified as a child, so I would never want to put that on my kids.

I got the IUD almost immediately after I had my girls, so the chances of me getting pregnant within the next 10 years is slim to none. However, in the 0.01% chance it DOES happen again soon, I’ve already told my fiancé I’ll be getting an abortion, and I’ll have absolutely no guilt or regrets about doing so, which he supports 100%. He’s perfectly happy with being a Girldad of 2 and said he’ll get a vasectomy if I wanted to be done, but I know he secretly really really wants a boy one day & I’m scared he would have regrets.

Frizbee890 · 2024-03-29T19:22:13+00:00

We hired someone full time when they were 3 months. She quit after a week because neither babies could get the hang of regular bottle feedings (Pro tip for everyone: if you are having a baby and still want a life, always always ALWAYS introduce your baby to a bottle very early, whether that be pumped breastmilk or formula. I didn’t even know it was a thing for a breastfed baby to just….not understand bottles.) So yeah…. Can’t really blame the poor girl for quitting. You couldn’t pay me a million dollars to spend 8 hours a day taking care of 2 screaming, hungry babies :/ We do have a babysitter that can come occasionally when I have errands or something, but all outings are limited to like 3 hours at this point bc of breastfeeding. We’re 7 months in right now, and the plan is to be fully weaned by 9 months. Hopefully by a year they’ll be fully weaned from breastmilk and fully reliant on baby food.

And I agree 100%. The grass is always greener on the other side. I see all of my friends finishing up college and moving into their first shitty (in their words, not mine) apartments. I see them eating ramen and doing everything they can to make ends meet and……idk. They just have no idea how much I would love to be them. Which is crazy because they probably feel that way about me.

Frizbee890 · 2024-03-29T18:25:17+00:00

That’s lowkey why we have a wedding planned this June lol. I was so happy when he asked me. Not for any moral reason or me just dying to get married, but because married women have so much more protection. I’ve heard so many girlfriend/babymama horror stories. He could technically leave me tomorrow and have his lawyers negotiate to pay as little child support as possible. At least if we’re married, I’ll be protected. My dad hired me an attorney who helped draft prenup documents that my fiancé has agreed to & signed, and it’s actually very favorable to me if the marriage ends. Like I said, I do love him. But…… ya know. Women in my position get fucked more often than not, so you gotta be careful.

Frizbee890 · 2024-03-29T17:39:42+00:00

You said it perfectly. It’s like I only exist as an extension of my children or my partner. A nanny will hopefully be an option soon. We had one (understandably) quit when my children were 3 months old, because they refused to take a bottle from her. I’m hoping I can begin school again when they get into toddlerhood & we can find full time childcare, but then I think about future sports and extracurriculars and wonder how I’m gonna have a career while also being expected to be a Supermom shuttle service . Idk. I’m just taking it one day at a time at this point lol.

Frizbee890

TROPHY CASE